HAPPY NEW YEAR….

Seeya in the ’09

For Mike, here’s a video to brighten your day….

I’m terribly vexxed

I am an ordained minister through the Universal Life Church, it’s pretty much was something to do while I was bored at work one day. I treat it as such, a joke. Well a girl I know, Jenny, wants me to marry her friend, we’ll call her Sue. I thought surely they were joking around. It turns out they were serious.  

Jenny came up to me originally I thought it would be fun, and be hilarious. As time went on and I saw they were truly indeed serious about this. It started to chafe me a little, but I gave my word. So I continued on course. Then I found out Sue’s significant other isn’t the most faithful person in the world. What they do is their business, but it kept gnawing at me, and gnawing at me.

I respect the institution of marriage. I think it’s a noble endeavor. I am an idealist at heart. I want one of those marriages that last until were old and grey. Foolish I know, but hey a man can dream. I felt I was blaspheming on the sanctity of marriage.

The whole situation felt wrong, so after much consideration, I decided to bow out. The wedding isn’t for 5 more months plenty of time to find a replacement.   

Now Jenny tries to run a guilt trip on me, saying that officiant cost too much, and that I should help them find a replacement. I gave them a few suggestions, like hey find another friend, get ordained on the website, and have them do it.

I snapped a little, and said I don’t care, which in truth I don’t. I don’t owe Jenny, or Sue anything. Hell I met Sue like 3 times in my life.

Now Jenny calls me a Baby, which in truth I’m not. An asshole maybe, but not a baby.

Well Jenny is pissed at me, and probably won’t speak to me after this, which is truly vexxing but ya know what. Life goes on.

“In much wisdom is much grief; and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.” -Ecclesiates 1:18

I was reading a fellow Warhammers other blog, a blog about religon.  I added it to my blog roll. The Watchman. I found the blog interesting. I admire men of faith, though I loathe them a bit.  Is it because they shine a mirror up to my soul, and I don’t like what I see?

Is it a bad thing to be too smart for one’s good? Is it possible to overthink things? Is ignorance truly bliss? When I was young I loved my God with all my heart, then I ate from the Tree of Knowledge, and was expelled from Eden.

Sometimes I miss my faith.

Monday Hangover – Holiday Edition

Lets start with Christmas Eve, I spent with my family. My Moms side to be exact. It was real nice. All my gifts were nice, but two need special mention. One of them was given to me by my cousin. The gift was a Crown Royal Bottle Holder/Tipper. To go back a few years my Grandfather (Mothers Father) loved Crown Royal, and he had this tipper that would hold the big bottle of Crown, and pour shots for us. He used to say it was Serbian Tradition to have 3, one for coming, one for staying, one for leaving.  Well I mentioned to my cousin who is also in the bar business, all these years I have never seen one of these tippers. So after much searching she found one for me, to me the effort alone was gift enough.  Also my niece got me a gift, which means alot to me. She has no money as she got a new baby, and trying to make a living.

Christmas Eve I met my friend Jackass out for a drink. The only thing of note this night was his parking lot was all ice, and he comes running towards me, and falls hard. He was lying on the ice for at least 5 minutes, I got to him, and shook him. Thank goodness he got up. He did have a nasty bump on his head.

Christmas Day I wanted to just kinda relax, and be myself. Which everyone was like inviting me places but I was turning them down left and right. Everyone says I shouldn’t be alone on Christmas. Which I don’t really see the problem with that, but whatever. After awhile though I was getting bored, and a friend called me asked me if I wanted to come over for Christmas have dinner, and play some cards. Since I love playing cards, it drew me out of my little hidey hole. The stakes are never much, but it’s not money I play for. It’s simply the fact I like playing.  Though this is why I shouldn’t really gamble on Christmas. I am never lucky on that day.

One time back in the day, My brother, Father, and Me were kind by ourselves on Christmas. We decided to go to Riverboat. Problem was my father had a pickup that could only seat 2 in the front. He had a cab in the back, but this Christmas it was cold as hell. Back in these days (I had a serious gambling problem though no one really knew I had a problem), so I volunteered to sit in the back on the way there. The loser between me and my bro would sit in the back on the way home. Well true to form, I was up for a while, but I gave everything back, and then some. Needless to say it was a cold ass ride home.

Anywho the people I spent Christmas with are truly good people. Surprising their brother is a pretty good cook. So I’m glad I went out there.

Friday night, I went out drinking with Jackass. Let me tell you I got messed up really bad. I was doing shots that no man should be allowed to have. like Absinthe, and Ouzo. Let’s just say when you start mixing it’s never a good thing. I woke up Saturday 10am at my friends crib surrounded by food boxes with half eaten food.

Saturday I went out for a friends birthday, it was a good time. I was kind of not all with it though cause of the brain damage on Friday, and I was a little sick. We went to Casa Margarita in Orland Park, they had some really good food. If you like Mexican I recommend it. We then went to Fat Sams. Which was nice. They serve Pabst Blue Ribbon, and that’s one of my favorite beers. The UFC fight was on, now I don’t really follow the UFC, who’s beating who. I just like watching people kick the shit out of each other.

Sunday, was the Chicago Bears game, they suck. But I had an awesome time with my friends. It’s a shame because at these bears games I never laugh so hard, and just was at my most relaxed. Even Jenny, and Robin came out later that night. I want it on the record, I feigned ignorance of what 69 was for fun, and as Robin was explaining it. I was not blushing, it grew a little warm in there. Thats my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Merry Christmas – 5 dirty things you can say at Christmas

Or Happy Holidays to any pagan scum reading my blog, HAHA just kidding.

Here’s a list of 5 dirty things you can say at Christmas times and get away with it.

5. My what a large package you have!

4. Is it me or are those balls hanging low?

3. From here you can’t tell if that’s  artificial or real.

2. Would you like some dark meat?

1.  Hey did you see the size of his Yule Log?

“Whom the Gods Destroy, They first make mad” -Sophocles

I’m nuts. How Nutty? You have no idea at the depths of my madness.  Am I going to take a gun and shoot up my workplace brand of Nuts? No.

For the most part I can hide most of my crazy thoughts and meanderings, and be a productive part of society.  Most of the mad thoughts come in the form of self-worth or the lack there of, an overwhelming sense of failure, a feeling  just to disappear. It use to be really bad when coupled with my gambling addiction, also toss in the mix my unhealthy relationship with alcohol, food and drugs. This lead me down a road which was pretty bad at one point in life.

How am I better, well for one thing I no longer hold a gun to my head crying myself to bed, yea it was that bad one point in my life.  I sought help, and I got it. I have some new coping skills, and am a better man for it.

Nowadays I like to say I cope better, I deal with life as it comes,  I usually hum a toon while I go about my business. I still have some problems in my life, but now I make goals and focus on them. Once in a while there are times that these bad, crazy thoughts shine through usually during times of severe drinking, and or duress. Like the holidays, or my birthday.  As quick as these dark moods come, they pass. Which in the past they didn’t.

Alas unfortunately when these funks, or foul moods hit. I try to push away people that truly do like me, and value me. Good thing most of these people stick by my side, perhaps their just as crazy as I am.

Sad thing is, it’s these same bad things that help me achieve, my ambition, my quest for perfection in terms of my skills at computers, etc. etc.  So if I didn’t have these bad things in me, where would I be? Probably working at McDonalds.

Recently I snapped at a couple people, and tried to push them away. I feel bad that they get caught up in this mad affliction I have, but I try to make it up to them I swear I do. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize to those people. But thats why I don’t actively date a girl, because it isn’t fair for her to be a part of my madness.  Until I reach my goals, until I defeat my demons, then I will allow a girl into my world.

In the future, I just want to say if I ever really snap on you  over somthing stupid, I’m sorry just my madness shining through.

Monday Hangover

That’s right I’m back, I won’t say for good. But Friday night a friend said when he wrote a comment on my board it came from the heart. That meant alot to me. For all the little drama this little project has caused, it has caused some good.  Ultimately that is my goal to allow people into my little slice of life, and share with them what little knowledge and wisdom I garnered. If there’s a little rockiness because of it, I best be able to learn to shoulder it. So lets get this party started huh?

Friday was a rough one. I got out early from work and started drinking at around 3:30pm with Jackass, and the German. Alas the German had to leave early for dum dum bowling.  Thats alright I’ll forgive him. At JWH I remember just dancing with this girl so much I was sweating my ass off. Went to Teehans not once, but twice during the evening, and had about 4-5 Irish Car Bombs. Now I do a large one, most people do small. But me being the professional. I get a pint of Guiness, and shot of Jameson’s Whiskey, and Baileys. You plop the Shot in the Pint, and Slam the whole damn thing. It’s glorious. Then went to Durbins to finish the night. After a catnap at Jackass’s place I went home about 6am.

Saturday morning was haaardd. I woke up at 11am, went to my Grandmas to drop off their gifts. Then I had to go to my Mom’s for my stepdad’s bday. I stopped and got him a cake at Flechensteins bakery.  I was in there and I said to the girl, “I pass this place all the time, always wanted to stop in,  but this is the first time here.” She goes, “Really? Why is that?” To that I go, “Cause this is the devils workshop.”  She laughed at that.  I go to my moms every Saturday to help her out, cause she is handicapped, and well shes my fricking mom.  I shoveled her driveway which was all fricking ice. Being in a fully rested state this would of been hard as hell. This was just hell, a frozen hell of the ninth ring.

So after a good old man nap, I hit the JWH with one of my favorite bands playing Rendition. Awesome band, and if you haven’t seen them you should. My cousin even made an appearence the White Chocolate himself.  It was sort of his birthday celebration so I hope he had his fill.  Later that night,  I went to Teehans, and then Durbins. At Durbins I danced with a bartender, and a waitress that use to work there. Oh man they worked me over. I was beat by the end of the night. They worked the booze right out of me. Afterward the Whiteness, Jackass and me hit the Dendrinos. Which makes the Star Wars Cantina look like Chez Paul. So after having a few more,  I had to take Chocolate home but not before we stopped at White Castle. Where Whitey got in a fight with a preppy looking college kid. I think the fight was over Doug Wilson of the Blackhawks. which is odd, I’m not even a huge hockey fan. Funny how when the White Castles manager shouted at us, and mentioned the police we all simmer down.  After getting him home, I decide to drunk email someone making a complete ass of myself to a girl. oh well nothing else new there.

Sunday I slept real real good. I went to a Poker Tournament which was free, and for points only. Points that if I win enough will win me a seat on the World Series of Poker. I came in first, which to me is mixed blessings, and I’ll go over that tomorrow.  But I had a good time, and met some new people. So isn’t that what matters most.

The Tease that I am….

Ok I’m still on Hiatus, but thought I would indulge a friend of mine Nora, and fill out her little survey

 

1) Five names you go by

a) Chris
b) River
c) Heater
d) Rivs
e)Chrissy-poo

2) Three things you are wearing right now

a) Black T-Shirt
b) Black Jeans
c) Black Boxer-Briefs

3) Two things you want very badly at the moment:

a) To go home, and play some Warhammer
b) A certain girl.

4) Three people who I would like to see fill this out:

Your mom.

5) Two things you did last night

a) Ate a burrito
b) Had a surprisingly good coffee from 7-11

6) Two things you ate today

a) Oatmeal
b) A Nutrigrain Blueberry bar.

7) Two people you last talked to on the phone

a) The Dept. Head of I.T. Classes over at Moraine Valley.
b) A Canadian user with issues with some software.

8) Two things you are going to do tomorrow

a) Christmas Party
b) Drink

9) Two longest car rides 

a) Florida
b) Myrtle Beach

10) Two of your favorite drinks

a) Jack and Diet
b) Dasani – Orange flavored vitamin water.

And finally….bold the ones you’ve done, unbold the ones you have not done.

I have….

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a Mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo (hope karaoke counts or Rock Band?)
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightning at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch 
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Skied a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice 

29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32.Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
35. Seen an Amish Community
36. Taught myself a new language 
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person (well theres a replica in Niles so sorta)
39. Gone Rock Climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David 
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted 
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris 
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain 
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (homemade porn count?)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Vistied the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible (It’s a good book, I recommend people read it no matter what your religon)
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had A Baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

 

So now my life feels a little more incomplete…thanks.

Hiatus

I decided to take a break from blogging on this site. I wanted to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for joining me on this journey. Take care, and remember my motto. Through Chaos comes Knowledge.

Full disclosure

Good Girl brought up some points, and I called her out.

But I want to get a few other things off my chest.

Legally speaking,  slander is publicly spoken intentional false communication, when it’s in written form it’s called libel. Since this blog are personal opinions, and feelings. I can not be held as libel, because it is all hearsay. Hearsay is not admissable in court. I never use full names, and give out addresses, phone numbers so I can not be held accountable for invasion of privacy.  I did use the persons first name because I was angry, perhaps a mistake. I don’t use peoples real first names out of common courtesy, not because I have to.  I know this because I almost pursued a legal career, and had to defend myself legally many times its called Pro Se. I also took the LSAT and scored well enough to go to any Law School I wanted.

This blog is mine, I have alot of control over it. I can delete and edit comments to my liking. I can change Good Girls comments to “I love your River” if I wanted to. Life is not fair, and sometimes I am not either. I do not mind people disagreeing with me, instead I welcome it. If you hate me, good.  I relish it.

Technical tip : Every Computer has it’s own IP address. From that IP address I can find out who and what you are. On web sites like this one it logs your IP address, also sites that you buy stuff from. So if you plan on stealing a credit card, and ordering crap online be careful. From you IP, they can contact you Internet Service Provider, and find out who you are. Of course there are ways around this, but I won’t discuss this. So if your like Good Girl and want to try to hide your identity. This is your ISP info.

OrgName:    America Online, Inc
OrgID:      AMERIC-59
Address:    22080 Pacific Blvd
City:       Sterling
StateProv:  VA
PostalCode: 20166
Country:    US

NetRange:   205.188.0.0 – 205.188.255.255
CIDR:       205.188.0.0/16
NetName:    AOL-DTC
NetHandle:  NET-205-188-0-0-1
Parent:     NET-205-0-0-0-0
NetType:    Direct Assignment
NameServer: DNS-01.NS.AOL.COM
NameServer: DNS-02.NS.AOL.COM
Comment:   
RegDate:    1998-04-18
Updated:    1998-04-27

RTechHandle: AOL-NOC-ARIN
RTechName:   America Online, Inc.
RTechPhone:  +1-703-265-4670
RTechEmail:  domains@aol.net

Just a matter of contacting them and finding out who you are, but I won’t. I want everyone to know, in this day and age you can’t hide. That in itself is scary.

 As concerned to the girls in question, there is only one girl that might be construed as I have a “crush” on her.  Things are not always what they seem. I may act over friendly to a girl, but doesn’t mean I have a crush. Hell I lick chicks boobs on occasion does  that mean I’m madly in love. I am a flirtatious mofo, and I love female attention it really doesn’t matter where I get it from, so the sad fact of the matter is this “girl” is showing me alot of attention, so I give it right back.  Just because I go out to an event with a girl doesn’t mean I have a crush on her, or even like her. It means I wanted some company at the event I wanted to attend, and I thought that girl would be nice to take along.  I am curious as to who the second girl is though, if it’s who I think it is I’m going to crack myself up. 

Even though I keep a blog, and ALOT of my business is out in the streets the saying goes believe “None of what you hear, and half of what you read” pertains to me as well. Theres alot of judicious editing that comes into play on this blog.  Sad thing is alot of my life is hidden from the general public for various reasons.

I will admit I’m fucked up in the head. I can go from having a drink with someone laughing, to choking him to death until my friends pull me off the guy. It happened. One thing is you should also know never mistake me being friendly for me being your friend. You don’t know me that well, and I don’t know you that well. I never claimed to be a nice guy, I never pretend to be perfect.  

Now lets get to the heart of the matter. Why am I angry at Scott. I don’t hate the guy. Never did.  If I truly hated him, I’d be in jail probably.

1. It’s not the incidents themselves that anger me, it’s more what they represent. Like the incident with Bob.  Scott is a bigger guy, I take a lot of abuse on a daily basis cause of my size. If I went to fighting everyone that picked on me, I would be at war constantly. You have to have thick skin when your a big guy, part of the territory. If you lose your cool, then I don’t want you around me because if you lose your cool, I might lose mine. Bad things happen. We all have mistakes, and such so I was willing to overlook this incident.

2. The other person that was involved in the incident, it was started over Scott touching his sister in a bad way. Now I don’t know if it’s true or not. I don’t have a sister, but if one of my cousins even mentioned some guy grabbed her wrong, I’m fucking making him swallow a bar stool. 

3. Aside from the people involved in the incidents these things are happening at places I call my sanctuary. Olympic Star, I grew up there, my mom worked her ass off there to feed me, and clothe me for half my life. That place is holy ground to me, inside, outside it doesn’t matter. Durbins relatives owns that, and JWH the staff, and owner I consider my friends. Anyone that is looking for trouble in those places, that are considered my friend, will not be my friend for long.

4. I tried talking to Scott, He obviously doesnt like to listen. I told him I can’t have these disagreements around me. So what does he do comes up to JWH, and is involved in another incident. It doesn’t matter who started what, or said what. theres an old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but word will never hurt me”. He should not only learn it, but live it.

Maybe it’s time to pack up and leave Oak Park behind me. I made a lot of friends there, and I will miss them all. As many friends I have, it’s starting to be there are people there that I just don’t want to see anymore, not just Scott.  After New Years I think some changes will need to be made.