Monday Hangover

It was a rough one this weekend. Friday was a friends birthday, I’ll call her Jenny, and her boyfriend Bob.  They are good people. I felt a little bad missing my cousins boyfriends band, but Jenny rescheduled this for today because it would be inappropriate to party while our friends were suffering. Jenny and Bob are good people, and they crack me up. So how could I miss it.

Oh did I mention it was 25 bucks all you can drink, and I did and then some. I don’t know, somewhere around the 3rd Lunchbox shot, or the 4th Black Haus shot. I kinda have fuzzy memories after that. I don’t remember too much, but I did get a report back. I guess at Durbins I asked a girl, “Who do I have to stab in the throat to get with you?”  I know so suave with the ladies. I’m sure there are a million other inappropriate things I did.  Saturday morning I woke up with a pot on my head, and a Entemanns chocolate covered doughnut on my shoulder. The doughnut was delicious. After my repast I looked at my surroundings, boxes of Olympic Star with uneaten food lay strewn everywhere, and a Fake Crow staring into me….almost pleading with me “Nevermore”

So I mustered myself up, went home showered, still not sober. I go do my obligations to my mother, take her grocery shopping. Then around 2pm the calls start coming from my friend Jackass, “I’m at the bar, get up her.”  I reply, “Ahh no, I’m with my mom.” His response,”Bring her up, I’ll buy her a shot.”

After I was done with my Mom, I decided to check in with Jackass at the bar. So I said to myself just one, and then I’m out. Well I walked into the bar at 4pm, I walked out to go home at 1am. I wasn’t drunk either, but I was hurting.  As I walked home,I thought I was seeing things, but Bob, and Jenny rolled by, and they screamed for me to hop in the car. I didn’t though, I really needed some fresh air.

The next morning, I woke up for work. I felt like a Mack Truck ran me over, and then reversed back over me to finish the job.  As I was regaling the girls at work of my drunken tales, one of the girls asked me, “How old are you?” I was taken aback a tosh, she made it sound like I was immature. Like I shouldn’t be doing this at my age. Maybe she has a point.

Needless to say I had fun this weekend, and I pray I don’t have too many of those type of weekends, or I’m gonna die from liver damage.

Happy V-day!

When You Are Old by W.B. Yeats

When you are old and gray and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true;
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.

And bending down beside the glowing bars
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And his his face amid a crowd of stars.

Happy Valentines Day from the Riv 

Far be it from me to not help the ladies.

On this Valentines Day, it’s not just the men who need to express their love, but the women too. What do you get a guy for Valentines Day, surely not flowers. So in the endeavors to help the ladies, I figured I would give you some suggestions, and feel free to pipe in with your own.

For a relationship that isn’t that long in the tooth.

1. A CD made by you – Way more thoughtful then buying a CD in the store, and the songs could have special meanings behind them.

2. Tickets to a Sporting Event – Most men love sports, ’nuff said.

3. A home cooked meal – They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. What better way to show him your mad cooking skillz then to make him a home cooked meal. To be a little cuter, make him coupons for future meals.

For relationships that are a little older.

1. A weekend getaway – Nothing rekindles relationships like a stress free getaway. Limited on budget, go somewhere close, like here in Chicago, go to the Dells. or some other place close by and inexpensive.

2. An engraved message – Something special on a money clip, or cufflinks.

3. Something fun and manly like Boxing Lessons, or Karate Lessons. This is not only a manly thing to do, but it also has a side benefit, make your man a little more fitter.

There’s one gift though that men seem to respond well to, and it doesn’t matter how much money you have. It’s a blowjob. Give him one kinda unexpectedly, and I bet you’ll be getting the bigger box of chocalates.

Single’s Person Guide to Surviving Valentine’s Day

A lot of single people hate V-day. I don’t get it. Sure it’s a hallmark holiday sorta, but it’s all about love. The thing you should love the most is yourself. I know it’s hard seeing the glass half full, when everyone around you is groping each other. So I’m going to give you some tips.

1. Pamper Yourself – Like I said V-day is about being with the one you love. The one you love should be you. Go buy yourself something special. Have a nice meal delivered in, and rent some good movies (no romantic or romantic comedies) I find when I’m down on V-day about being lonely, nothing cheers me up like Jason killing all those young teenagers in love.

2. Spend time with people who love you back – Your family, friends, your dog.  Spending time with the ones that love you back is the best panacea for feeling lonely. Who knows you might be helping them get over their V-day blues too.

3.  Do not define yourself by your relationship status – Happiness does not come from another person, if your unhappy it doesn’t matter what your relationship status your still going to be unhappy.

4. Think about working on yourself- Set goals, go to the gym, take a yoga class. Improving yourself always improves your self worth, and sense of accomplishment.

5.  Go to a singles event, or a place where alot of singles gather – misery does love company. There are alot of singles out there lonely for V-day, why not share in your hatred for this day.

Dr. Laura S. Brown, professor of psychology at Argosy University/Seattle, offers tips on how single guys and gals can celebrate Cupid’s Day, instead of being defeated by it. “Love is not about a particular day, or about cards, flowers, or even being in a relationship. The illusion that coupled people are happy and well-loved can feed feelings of loneliness or isolation for people who aren’t with someone, and wish they were,” says Brown. “Seeing the illusory nature of this holiday can be the first step in feeling better about being precisely who and where you are.”

Hope that helps…..

All for Love -Flowers

In honor of Valentines Day, I will be doing a couple of posts, about love, and things having to do with V-day.

As an Idealist, there are certain Ideals I hold true to. One of them is Love. Love to me is a noble endeavor. It should not only be done with words, but acts.  Men get a bad rap when it comes to this funny little thing called Love.  We get caught up in our workaday lives, and forget that which is important to us. Valentines Day is coming, but don’t wait for it to be a special day. Show that certain someone you love them just because it’s a Tuesday. 

One thing that melts a women’s heart pretty fast is flowers. I have working at FTD learned a few things over the course of my time served there, as well I asked a friend in the industry as well to help me out. 

Why do we give flowers? To me I think it’s all about beauty, you think the one you love is beautiful, and thus you give her something of that beauty back to the one you love.   It’s not just the flowers, it’s the act, and also the card is very important.

Ok let’s get down to the nitty gritty. What makes a good flower gift.

A. Quality – It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. I think a woman would like 6 gorgeous roses then 20 wilted ones.  I remember one day at FTD they were giving away flowers that they were going to throw out, horrible specimens really. A guy I knew was going to give them to his wife. I told him so this is how much you think of your wife, you give her garbage picked flowers. I was thoroughly disgusted.  Flowers shouldn’t be about money, it should be about the emotion behind them. 

B. The Delivery – If your going to do something, make sure it’s done right. When you get married are you going to have the UPS get on one knee, and give her the ring. Go to a florist who is dependable, and will get the flowers there when they say they will get there.  A tip for you, Don’t have them delivered to the house, have then delivered to her at work. Nothing a woman like more to show others that she is loved.

C. The Card – For All that is Holy, write something from your heart, don’t be shy. If your not good with words, steal them. I recommend from Shakespeare.  Here’s one of my personal favorites.

“Hear my Soul Speak, Of the very instant I saw you, Did my heart fly to your service” – The Tempest.

Believe me you will still get more credit then putting, “I love you – Joe Shmoe”   It’s your time to shine kid, do it right.

Let’s talk turkey, where do you go to get the best deals. Your local Florist. Yes sometimes they might be a little more pricey the a website, but you get several things for your money. Better Quality, just make sure their flowers look good before you buy though, you can’t get that off a website, better delivery, and better service in general. Also when you help your local businessman, your helping your community. I stake my life on it, and my stellar rep at FTD, that the extra 5 bucks you spend will get you a better quality arrangement, and more then likely extra flowers, or special attention that the one you love deserves.  So what is a deal a dozen roses that look like crap for 20 bucks, or the ones the look gorgeous and remembered for a long time, and that will LAST that cost you a little more.

Find a local florist, develop a relationship with that florist, so he can better meet your needs. The more you purchase from that same florist the better. Heck ever forget an important date, tell your local florist. He might be able to email you a reminder. Heck I helped troubleshoot the software that let the florist do that type of stuff.

While working for FTD, when dealing with the south suburbs, one florist was mentioned time and time again as one of thee best. FTD should know we keep track of that kind of stuff. The Enchanted Florist. I ask Dave the owner to help me out. I asked Dave, What should a guy get that loved one in his life for Valentines Day. He told me, ” Well you can go traditional with the red roses, for some twists try something wild and crazy like  some exotics or tropicals, or perhaps a little more country with wildflowers with blooms in a wide assortment of blooms in all colors. Chris the best thing to do is tell us about your recipients style and taste, and we’ll design something special just for them.”

That is what I’m talking about, Something special for that someone special. Thanks David. The personal touch. That’s what makes gifts special. 

I’m going to leave you with this guys, something you could relate to. If you had a mint 69 Mustang, would you put cheap oil in it. No you wouldn’t you would go that extra mile, and put a better quality oil into it. So it would run smoother.  Mostly everything in life is that way, even love. The more you put into it, the more mileage you’ll get from it.  Take the time to love, and treat that one you love special and you will get that back.

My newest addiction

Whoa, I just found this. People post there secrets. One word Enthralling.  I’m not huge on Twitter, everyday minitiua sucks. But these are enthralling. What if their fake though. What if their real. Wow.

http://twitter.com/secrettweet

Monday Hangover

Well, I’m not going to say it was one of my better weekends.

Friday Had to go into work early, then I had a wake to go to. I did go out for a drink, but did not stay out long because I wanted to go to the funeral in the morning, but Jackass he did have a little too much. He fricking called me 5 times at 3am…did I understand a word he said…nope. That’s bad cause I speak Drunkenesse fluently.

Saturday, I had the funeral. I’m not a religious man, but something about Catholicism appeals to me, perhaps the rituals, or perhaps its ancientness. It was a good Homily, and it got me thinking since I am a heathen, if I die there will be no Priest to offer soothing words to my love ones.  Also I did not go to the graveside or luncheon, I feel graveside should be for family, and closer friends then I. I felt the need to tell my friend who’s father passed. She said I was ridiculous in a much nicer way, and that I should of went.  I helped my Mom go grocery shopping, my stepfather is a CPA and during tax season I help my mom go shopping because she’s handicapped. I also helped my friend try to fix his computer, it’s tore up from the floor up. So I gotta go back and wipe it clean, but that was 5 hours later of working on it.  That night I needed a drink. So I went to JWH, and they were busy which is good. A friend there was giving me the cold shoulder, and I was curious as to why. Thats ok I was there just to get some whiskey in me.  It was way to crowded for me, so I went to the next bar. I ran into The Wolf. He’s a good friend indeed. Him and Murph cheered me up right away. I wish my cousin was there too that would of been perfect. Those guys can cheer me up when I’m in my most foulest moods.

Then I went to Durbins, I saw my friend who gave me the cold shoulder, she called me an Asshole, among other hurtful things…it turns out during the week. I texted her something that was hurtful, I only meant it in a kidding way. Sometimes I forget that females have different sensibilities then my guy friends, and that texting doesn’t convey sarcasm very well. I apologized, but that wasn’t good enough, she beat the dead horse a tosh.  I had to work in the morning, I was tired, upset, so I just up and left in a huff.

Sunday I had to work, and I was sour about it. I had to also stop at my Fathers pick up some paperwork, he’s in a bit of a pickle, and I’m trying to help him out.

I am a man who keeps alot of things to myself, and sometimes my burdens become a tad to heavy. It’s times like this I don’t need a friend calling me an Asshole, and a piece of shit pretty much.

Later Sunday night we hashed it out. We were both in pretty bad places, and that night the demon booze got the best of us.

Today is a brand new week, brand new possibilities. Even though I don’t have a special someone in my life. I do like Valentines day and what it represents. I’m an idealist, and one of the ideals I hold up is Love.

Is Mac better then the PC

As a nerd I get asked this tons of times, and if you ask any tech worth his salt he will tell you to go PC.  Though Mac users live and die by their Mac, like a cult. I’m here to tell you. You are sheep easily swayed by hipster doofuses.

Lets start off with the arguments that Mac users give me why the Mac is so nice.

Security – They say the Mac is better security. Wrong, in fact it may be worse. As in this article states.

Ok so why are they under this belief. Well yes there aren’t many viruses for the Mac, because business and finance run on PC. So if your creating malicious software. Who will you write it for the millions of PC users, or the 38 users of Mac?  Supply and Demand in the Underground level.  Guess what though Mac viruses are on the rise, how do I know go look at the leading maker of Antivirus, Symantec they are making MAC, and Linux versions. Why hackers know these systems are growing.

Vista sucks – How soon MAC users forget. OS9 of MAC was so shitty it would make Vista look heaven sent. There are sometimes mistakes made.  From the early reports of Windows 7, OMG it will make the MAC OS weep tears of blood.

User friendly – Well when things go right in lala land all is good. But your Hard Drive just crashed on the MAC. Is it easy to restore your data? Can you just run to Best Buy pick up the cheapest one, and keep going? Nope good luck with all that. How user friendly is that.

Heres a little head to head competition with MAC….

You got a MAC keep it, it’s a nice toy. You want a serious computer, a work horse you go buy PC.

Or let me put it in terms MAC users can understand…BAAAAHHH!!!

Tales of a Bremen Cruiser.

Well I have another wake to go to, thats the 3rd one in as many months.  I think everyone needs a good laugh, so what better way then to tell you a tale of stupidness from my life.  There was much talk of late of the old Bremen Cruising days…here’s a little tale from those days.

So after a night of cruising with my buddies in the parents Caravan, Pinky, Gus, and Veg. In another car was Gasser, and Tony.  We were hungry so we stopped at Burger King to get some food. Of course BK was crowded with the Cruising people. One of my friends, Pinky started to talk to some girls. A guy comes up, and goes, “She’s got a boyfriend.”  Pinky replies, ” Yea she does me, motherfucker!.”  The guy runs in to BK, and fetches like 20 dudes they start heading towards us.  I say, ” Time to go.”  So we book out of there…toot sweet.

Well as we were heading home, about 6-7 cars give chase to us. I am going as fast as a Caravan will take us. One of the guys in a sporty car yells at us, “Whats your fucking problem?”  My friend Pinky then yells back, “Jockitch!, Pretty bad too!”  So there I am on a car chase through the streets of Tinley Park. I ain’t losing them of course. I think Gasser is back there somewhere too.

So I say screw it, I turn down a side street and stop the Caravan. I step out ready to do battle. About 7 cars surround me and block me in. About 20 dudes start approach me, then out of nowhere Tony comes in, he goes, “What the fuck is the problem?”  I know Gasser’s in the crowd waiting to pounce on a mofo. I’m just leaning back against my caravan not really giving a shit, hoping someone would start some shit.  

Then one guy says, “Your buddy was hitting on my girlfriend.” Then he starts screaming, and almost frothing at the mouth, “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???!!!!!”

I non-chalantly replied, “No I don’t know who you are. The Burger King?”   My friends got a chuckle out of that.

Thats when we heard the cops sirens, and everyone booked out of there. Where me and my friends went back to my parents house where we drank beers, well until my parents came home early…and my dad caught me double fisting budweisers….but that’s a tale for another time.

To my friends

I just found out some friends lost their father. If there was something I could say to ease their pain I would. I will not mention names, but they know who they are, and that my heart is with them. I had the honor to meet the man at my friends bachelors party, laughing, joking, and just having fun.  He was a good man, and the world is a darker place.