Usually this is the place where I write about my antics over the weekend, telling the world what a drunken fool I have been. Not today, something is weighing me down.
My life is held up by pillars that are built around principles. One of those principles is family. In my lowest of times there is only family that was there for me. Though not to fault my friends, I keep them at arms length as I do not want to burden them, though I do not want to burden my family as well. Sometimes though they find out, and they are there for me. I love them for it.
Let me give you a little background, My Grandmother is a saint in my book, she raised my father, and my uncle by herself. She got a divorce from my real grandfather who was a scumbag by all accounts. Though I don’t know him very well, he died when I was very young. The man she remarried to later in life is the only grandfather I know. He is the man I think of as my grandfather. Well my Grandmother is 88, and I have one rule concerning with my Grandmother. Do not say or do anything that can or will upset her. My Grandmother has lived her life, and she doesn’t need to get a heart attack over stupid crap.
Ok so my fathers brother for whatever reason doesn’t want much to do with my father. My father is kind of a hard man to get along with, and you either love him, or hate him. My father though is my father, and if he commanded me I would lay down my life for him. My Uncle is the second man I admire most, hard working, honest and forthright. My life is his to command as well. My Uncle and father do not have much to do with each other anymore. It’s really sad, and it kills me a little inside. My father loves his brother, but his brother doesn’t want anything to do with my father. I’m sure my father is not innocent in all this, he says some whacked out crap, and probably hurt my Uncle’s feelings more then once. It is not my place to interfere with it, but I love both my father, and Uncle very much. I hope that one day whatever issues are between them that they reconcile, before it is too late.
Ok my Uncle has two children, my cousins. Lets call them Jenny, and Bob. Bob is like me and my brother in a fashion. We like to live the good life. We’re good time Charlies. We howl at the moon. We made mistakes in our life, but we have had each others back.
My cousin Bob, is like my brother. That’s how it has always been. I remember many years back. I got a flat tire, and didn’t have the proper tools to change it. I called many people that day he is the only one who drove to the rescue. Many years back he got into a fight with a good friend of mine and it almost came to blows. I told my friend, “Listen, right or wrong, that is my cousin. You lay one hand on him, I will break your neck without a thought. I will make sure my cousin knows he is wrong, but while I’m around no harm will befall him.”
Thats how it is. I have his back, he has mine thats how it always has been. I’m not perfect, neither is he. When my friends, and some family say something about him. I’m the first one to his defense…always.
Now his sister Jenny my other cousin, is the complete opposite. She wants nothing to do with Me, My brother, or my Father. We all have our faults, but we our family. If she has a problem with us, why not tell us. As for myself, I give her, her husband, and her child a gift. I ask nothing in return, I get an email thanking me. I was not invited to her wedding, or her childs first birthday. Whether they be small events or not. Whether she has issues with members of our family, we are still family. I love her though, and even though it hurts me she wants nothing to do with me, or my family I will not speak ill of her. I will not call her names. I never have or will. I expressed my hurt, because i don’t understand why she does it. It’s her life though, and what comes around, goes around.
Imagine my surprise when I get asked by my Grandmother if I have been insulting my cousin Jenny, that my cousin Bob told my Grandmother that she should tell her son, and grandsons (meaning my father, brother, and me) to stop insulting Jenny, and that his sister is kind, and wonderful. My Grandmother went over to my cousin Jenny’s house for Easter, yet again another family gathering our side is not invited to.
Utter Shock, and Betrayal. I feel like a knife was plunged into my heart. Now my Uncle’s family including my cousin have been very good to me, and I love them to death. They can spit on me, and I would love them still. Even now I give my cousin the benefit of the doubt. I called him yesterday to see what’s up. No call back. Why am I hurt? It’s not that huge a deal you might say. It is to me. When Family means everything to you, and that family turns their back on you. It hurts.
These are my points of why I am hurt, not angry. It’s very hard to get angry at them, if I was I’d drive over, and choke the life out of my cousin, and he knows this.
A. If my cousin has a problem with what I do or say, I would hope he would come to me and tell me to stop what I was doing. Not drag my 88 year old Grandmother into it.
B. My cousin can say what he wants to say, the minute he disrespects my brother, and father on top of it. I draw the line.
C. This man who I defended to everybody who spoke ill against him, who with my dyeing breath would defend, speaks ill of me. Like I’m a piece of shit.
D. He accuses me of something I didn’t do, to me that hurts. I do enough bad things in my life, if I did something wrong. I man up, admit my failings and move on. It drives me insane to be accused of something I didn’t do, because theres nothing I can do about it.
E. I call him to rectify the situation, and he doesn’t even have the decency to call me back.
The sad thing is, it’s all a shame. Probably the next time I see my cousins will be at someones funeral.
