Monday Hangover

Is this going to be another drunken debauchery tale yes…

Thursday I finished my Windows 2008 Server Final. So I decided to go out for a few with my classmates, and teacher. Went to Hackneys. I have not been there for years. Hackneys is this old time Irish Pub place, which I think has alot of character. It was dead, I felt sorry for them, but it was a good time with the people i spent the semester with. Then I hit the Oak Park Avenue circuit. I don’t really like hitting Oak Park Avenue on Thursdays, just alot of young punks go out on cheap beer nights. I’ve been there…done that. I had a few at each bar, seeing people I like, and some I don’t like.

Friday I went to a bar called North Beach in Downers Grove, which is about 30 to 40 minutes north of where live.  I got a hotel room cause I knew I was going to get tore up, from the floor up. To me DUI is not worth it at all.   It was nice to see all my old FTD buddies, and meet some of the new people. I really enjoyed the people there, but the management were asshats.  I drank so much…I really don’t know what happened at the end of the night. Everyone from FTD left, I was alone by the end of the night. I don’t blame them not many mortals can hang with me.  Here’s where it gets real…real hazy. I remember just staring into my drink, and a cute bodied chick with not so cute face asked me if I was ok…I said, ” I am now….” . Next thing remember is, I woke up there was a chick sleeping next to me, and in the other bed another chick and dude. We were all fully clothed, so I really don’t think there was too much funny business, I do remember making out though.  Through much thought racking, I think I started talking to this chick, and I invited her and her friends back to the hotel room to drink my booze, and they drank it. Between us we drank 2 fifths of booze. So yea we passed out. I politely kicked them out, and got the chicks number. In the light of day, the body was still cute, but the face…not as good as I thought drunk. I then went home.

One thing that I get a kick out of, I have a different nickname in the Western Burbs. They call me Heater, or Heat. Not River.  I find it kind of cool I go by many different names…sorta like the Devil. LOL!

Saturday- after a nap, I forgot to mention I went out with this chick, and went out to dinner. Went to a japanese/thai place called Asian Harbor. The food was great, and pretty decent price. I recommend it highly. So we went back to her place, and just talked and had some Ice Cream. She got tired, so I left and met up with Jackass, and hit the streets.  The new park benches are out in Tinley,every year they make park benches artistically shaped, and modeled with a theme,  they look really awesome, they are all old time cartoons this year, like Tom and Jerry, and Fred Flinstone. One of them is Bugs Bunny is holding a carrot, near his crotchal area. How drunk did we get, I got a picture of Jackass sucking a carrot, and he looks like he’s sucking Bugs penis. Pure comedy gold.

Sunday – The Hawks played, and JWH had a drink special 25 bucks…all you can drink, and I drank all I could.  I was really, really hammered.  Later that night I stopped by Durbins, and a waitress started talking to me. Oh my god, she was nuts. She started talking to me about her exe’s and drug problems, she kept burping like a dude, and doing a sundry of other crazy stuff.  Finally, I was like..ok I gotta go. Went back to JWH, and sobered up. I found out one Jenny is really into Scifi, and fantasy. I find that interesting cause I would of never thought that this girl was into that type of stuff. It’s a rare treat that a girl can talk Star trek with you, and actually knows who the hell Doctor Who is.

I spent ALOT of money this week, but you can’t put a price on moments shared with friends, because one of these days no amount of money are going to be able to bring a friend, or maybe you back to have a fun time.

Shit just got real.

It seems, a plea of reason and logic isn’t enough to jar River from his apathetic ways.  Therefore, I have decided to take matters to a whole ‘nother level.  Unlike Gandhi, I am going to make sure this shit gets violent.  So, here are my demands.  Every hour on the hour that River does not put up a new blog post, I shall execute a bunny rabbit.  Their blood will be on your hands Riv.

The clock is ticking fucker, don't make me do it!

Blogging slow down.

If you must know, Here’s the post I was working on when the internet crashed.

I don’t know maybe I’m getting burnout or something. I closed my video game blog, and just don’t have it in me to write on this blog that much anymore. I’ve been blogging for over a year, and I had some ups and downs with it. Some funny discussions over it, even some drama.

Maybe it’s run it’s course, and I need to start working on other stuff. I’m going to think about it.

Too late, too fucking late

The post you are about to read is an account of tragedy which befell two friends on a summer idyllic day.  The names have not been changed to protect the innocent.  This is their story.

FADE IN:
INT.  Apartment Hallway – Morning

An unknown man in a black duster and hat stands outside a door.  Strangely enough, he resembles American badass, Clint Eastwood from Pale Rider.  He knocks.  The door creaks open.  The face of the apartment dweller is visible.  Fear immediately strikes his face.

River
(Practically pissing himself)
Can I help you?

Stranger
(Glaring)
You the one in charge here?

I wish people would stop pissing themselves when they see me.

River
Uh, I gue…

Stranger
(Interrupting)
Not, anymore you’re not.

Stranger
(With toothpick in mouth)
(Walks into Apartment, notices the shit all over the floor.)
Have you been taking dumps on the floor?  You are one sick fuck.

River
(Nervously)
I haven’t had a chance to clean up lately, I was plan…

Stranger
(Interrupting)
Didn’t I tell you to shut your face?

River thinks back and doesn’t remember him saying that, but remains silent anyways.  The stranger pulls out a pistol and aims it squarely at River’s face.  He has it titled sideways, real gangster style.  River finally pisses himself.

Stranger
(Menacingly)
I am here about your blog. Chaotic Ramblings.  Lately, it has been boring the shit out it’s faithful readers.  I mean, come on, you had a fucking Mickey Rourke topic.  That shit is so 3 months ago.

River
(Pants soaked from urine)
Mike, is that you?

In a flash, the Stranger spins the gun in his hand and levels the butt of the pistol against River’s face.  River crashes to the floor.  More shit falls to the floor.

Stranger
(Growling)
You don’t even have a post up today.  What the fuck am I supposed to read at work?  Actual fucking news?!

River
(Near tears)
I was about to post something just right now.

Stranger
(Whispering)
Too late, too fucking late.

PAN TO: Open Window

A single gunshot is heard.  Computer typing follows.

FADE OUT:

Tales of Drunkery

After I was done bouncing, I would traditional go get a drink at a late night bar. This time it was at Dendrenos a 4am bar, that made the Star Wars Cantina look like it was an Amish bar. 

So me and a Friend went to Dendrenos, and we started to drink…alot.  So we were a little hammered. My friend, we’ll call him Bob. Bob just bought a brand new Nissan Xterra. He goes to me, “Lets go offroading”  Me being a minion of the devil, and thus his advocate goes, “Sure sounds like fun.”

So off we go, we go to a spot near 115th and Cicero, a place he knows. So we start offroading, great fun, jumping hills and doing doughnuts, and other offroading cool stuff. Then we took this huge jump, and land right damn in almost a lake. After an hour  of trying to push the truck out it’s stuck…real good.

So it’s now about 5am, we start hitting the phones. The only person up, and out is my brother. So he comes pick us up. He’s drunk, and in his Camaro with another big guy. We all pile in to his Camaro, and head back to my crib.

We catch some sleep at my crib, go get my car, get some towing straps. We finally get up a friend of ours with a truck. To tow Bob’s Xterra out.

So we get to the spot, in the light of day, it looks worse. The Xterra is in a swamp, and half underwater.  So we progress to tow it out with our friends truck, and our friends truck almost gets stuck, and almost flips over. That would of been bad, but after much sweating and heaving from all of us, we got the Xterra out.

It did start up, and we got the hell out of there. Bob had to wash it 5 times, and there was a clicking sound on it after that that he still can’t get rid off.

The morale of the story, when your drunk…offroading not so good of an idea, especially in a brand new truck.

Monday Hangover

Well this weekend started off slow, but it ramped up quickly. Friday I was a good boy, stayed in. Watched some DVD’s and played some video games.

Saturday on the other hand. After I did my sonly duty, and helped my Mom around her house. I took a old man nap, then went to a party of a friend who recently loss her mother. Tell you the truth I was on a mission, my stepmother is in the hospital, and my dad is have a tough go of it. I felt real bad for them both. I was going to visit my stepmom, but my Dad said I should not, she’s in too much pain.

So no better time to get messed up with my friends. That is what I did. So I started at my friend, had a few glasses of wine, and a very…very tall Jager bomb.  Though I love my friends, there was a lot of couples there, and I just feel like the odd man out. So I said my goodbyes, and hit the bars.

So I picked up my P.I.C. (Partner in Crime), Jackass and proceeded to drink the town dry. I just remember doing alot of shots. Some highlights include seeing some old High School friends which was nice. Oh I made an ass out of myself.  JWH got one of those boxing machines, yea my coordination not so good when drinking. I missed the bag, and hit a 1. I even got beat out by a girl. Which I don’t really care, anyone doubts how hard I can hit, they are more then welcome to try me.

Other then that my memory is very hazy.  I remember saying some goofy shite that night.  I wish I had more details for you, but I just don’t.

At some point I went to Teehans, did my Irish Car Bomb, then headed to Durbins.  I remember dancing with some hot chicks, and then I saw my cousin out of the blue, with the Wolf. I was like  why didn’t you call me, my cousin replied, “Check your phone” DOH!. Missed call Cuz, Missed Call Wolf, Missed call Cuz…..My bad. It was nice hanging out with those guys.

Then I crashed at Jackass’s. I drank so much I was having the Dry Heaves.  Now thats a good times.

Sunday I got up, I’m still a little hammered, Jackass wanted to go back out drinking. Wish I could’ve but I had to go out to dinner with a girl who was going to help me with my paper for class, so I couldn’t be drunk for that. I got home I think I sent out some goofy messages cause I was still drunk. Slapped a french quote on my facebook to make sure everyone knows I’m insane. By the way it was “Honi Soit Que Mal Pense” or Evil to him who evil thinks.

After that I took a nap, and went out to dinner. It was nice, she helped me alot.

There ya go. So Monday is here, and I’m really looking forward to my friends bday this Friday…it’s going to get a little nutty me thinks.

Just a funny story…

One night after drinking and the bars closed down, Jackass, Worm, and a guy I’ll call Joe as well as myself weren’t quite done drinking So Jackass suggested going back to his place. So we were all sitting in the garage drinking some beers, it’s around 4am.  Jackasses neighbors must love him.  Jackass has this little scooter with a tiny engine on it. So we all take turns driving it around the street. When it was my turn, I was driving I hit something, fell on my back, both my gym shoes come off my feet, and fly through the air.

So after that we thought lets take it up a notch. We built a little ramp. Do we stop there nope. Jackass thinks it would be an awesome idea to jump me. For some reason I did to. So I lay down by the ramp. Jackass takes off towards me at high speed. Well it seems that when you build a ramp you want it to clear the thing your jumping. Alas my belly sticked out higher then the ramp. So when Jackass hits the ramp, the front tire hits my stomach, he flips, and I have a tire mark on my stomach, luckily I was drunk….but I did feel it the next morning, and had a tire shaped bruise on my tummy.

Later that night, we’re back in the garage, and Worm drops a cigarette right near my ass. He bends down to pick it up. I let the biggest fart out, the timing was perfect, and it was quite a whopper. So much so Worm fell onto the ground.  Everyone just started laughing so hard, I almost pissed myself.

Those were some good times, we were idiots but we did laugh alot.