10 Reasons Why I love my Penis.

Or for you Amish, why I like being a man.

10. Makeup – Work to put it on, and the shit is expensive yo….

9.  Chicks are always cold – Sometimes I just want to roll around naked in the snow.

8.  Pee Anywhere – Line too long in the Mens Bathroom at that very rare moment, nothing a trip to the parking lot can’t fix. 

7.  Shoes- People with Vaginas love fricking shoes for some reason…I got 3 pairs – Workout Gym, Everyday Gym, Dress Shoes.

6. I can walk in dark alleys in the middle of the night – No one is really going to bother me, Sure I’m a big guy, but most guys can act crazy and no one screws with them.

5. Yeast Infections – I don’t even want to talk about this.

4. Women grow little humans inside themselves  – You know what else popped out of someone’s belly…Aliens.

3. Auto Mechanics – Don’t try to screw us…in more ways in one. Well as often anyway.

2. Periods – Cycles, Tampons, Pads, Cramps, Midol….really the list goes on and it all sucks. For this alone I grab my penis and say thank you baby jesus.

1. Men are scum, and douchebags. – As great as I want to say us men are, I’ve done some pretty shitty things in my life, and so have my other penis wearing friends. If I had to put up with dudes like me, and my friends. I would seriously try to grow a penis.

If your a guy why do you love your penis, or if your a chick why do you love having a vagina?

13 Responses to “10 Reasons Why I love my Penis.”

  1. Number 5 Is my favorite.

  2. Oh don’t forget that cold ass tool a Dr. pries open a twat with once a year. I’ll take a thumb up my ass at 40 anyday

  3. I love what I have because of your reason #1. Most men will do whatever to get what I got ;)

  4. First of all, rumor has it that you don’t even have a penis.

    Second, you didn’t include the 100’s of pairs of shoes you wear while playing dress up at the Baton Club.

    Third, you should really think about entitling your next blog “Top 10 Reasons I LOVE to Suck Penis.”

    In conclusion, you are really a homosexual drag queen with a sex change.

  5. I’m gonna respond to a few of these. I’m a glass full kinda person. And I’m damn proud to be a member of the fairer sex.

    10. Makeup – I love that when I have a zit, you don’t really know it.

    9. Chicks are always cold – Layers=I get to buy more clothes.

    8. Pee Anywhere – I’d rather not take the chance of being arrested and forced to register as a sex offender for the rest of my life, tyvm.

    7. Shoes – How can you not like shoes?? Wanna instantly look like you work out your buns and legs and be 3 inches taller immediately? Yes please. In any color to match any outfit? Double yes please.

    4. Women grow little humans inside themselves – Thanks to sperm banks, men are no longer necessary. That must suck.

    3. Auto Mechanics – Yeah but can you flirt your way into a free oil change? I think not.

    2. Periods – Ever want to have the perfect excuse to: be late? leave early? act completely bitchy for no reason? Also, the already amazing female orgasms are even better during that time of the month.

    1. Men are scum, and douchebags. – Um, yeah.

    • theerivs Says:

      Bee shoot me an email at cc0926 (at) gmail.com when you get a chance. I want to ask you something. About the blogs, not sex….unless you want to talk about sex who am I to stop you. LOL!

    • Goaty McCheese Says:

      “Thanks to sperm banks, men are no longer necessary.”

      Where do you think the sperm comes from?

      A sperm bank is a place where you announce upon arrival that you are going to masturbate. Then they GIVE YOU PORN and a private room, and you get to have an orgasm without wearing a condom. At the end of which they literally THANK YOU FOR COMING.

      I think what you meant to say was: “thanks to sperm banks, *women* are no longer necessary.”

  6. I think I just fell in love with you Bee.

  7. You said in #5 Yeast Infections, men can get yeast infections too but they are more devistating. I would rather have my bits yeasty then be a man with a nasty painful loaf growing.

    Oh, and periods give us a reason to bitch at you douchebags and “not mean it” lol. We mean it, we just have perfect excuse.

  8. You wish Scary.

  9. I like my penis b’cuz it’s exclusive 4 me. No can feel it’s warmth, ecept me!

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