Sometimes Art Imitates Life…but sometimes it’s the other way around. Now to be honest I did omit some of the stuff, cause it isn’t my place to tell. This is the stuff safe to print.
For Jackass’s 40th birthday, we planned to go to Vegas. It ended up being Me, Jackass, his brother who I will call Hulkster, The German, and a guy I’ll call Fireplug.
So First of Jackass, German, and Me start drinking Wendesday night, and I do mean drinking. Cab is coming for German, Fireplug, and me at 6am. German whose place I’m crashing at comes to me at about 1am. He looks hammered to say the least. I take one look at him, and I say,”Go home man, I’ll find a way back” So he leaves, then Jackass and me keep drinking. I lose track of time, all I know is I end up at Dendrinos with a hot bartender. Thank Goodness, German lives across from Dendrinos. I’m really hammered this point, I go to the Germans wake his ass up. He doesn’t look so good. So I try to take a cat nap to no avail. Cab comes picks us up at the airport, as soon as we get there German hops out and runs to the bathroom, Puke? Shits? I don’t know. I’m excited, I’m going to Vegas.
So we get to Vegas, first order was to get our hotel rooms, I get mine, German, and Fireplug had to wait, so we drop our stuff into my room, then go on to the next order of business get something to eat. So we go to this place called Oshea’s As we’re eating, German don’t look so good. I toss him my key, and tell him to take a ciesta. Fireplug and Me get to gambling and drinking. 3 dollar car bombs is serious business. I blow a few bucks, and then Germans, and Fireplugs room is ready.
I don’t know if it’s everything just catching up to me or what, but I lay down. I don’t wake up at 7 or so to hook up with the other guys, I pass out again wake up at 11pm. Well the other guys are somewhere drinking and gambling. So I go exploring, walking around taking in the sights. Vegas is really a remarkable city, at about 1am I go to a bar in the Flamingo, grab myself a burger, and play some video poker. A cute girl sits next to me, and starts laughing to herself, then starts playing video poker, and asking me questions about it, like should she keep a certain card. Now I don’t know if she was a hooker, which might be the case or just some girl hitting on me. I went with hooker, and blew her off. The other guys happen to get drunk…real drunk
The next day Friday we start the day with a breakfast buffet. we head to Jackass hotel room. Wow the Planet Hollywood rooms are awesome, like a little condo, with a big screen projection TV, and Jacuzzi. Jackass was hungover like a mother fucker. So a couple of the guys hit the pool parties. I’m not a pool type of guy for several reasons. Oh I like looking at half naked women don’t get me wrong, but the Sun is my mortal enemy. So the German and I, hit the gambling scene. We started off playing blackjack where the dealer was so hot, she had a tattoo on her arm that said,”Double Whammy”, cause her friend and her share the same name, and her friend has the same tattoo on the other arm. We were winning for a bit, until they changed dealers to this hot asian chick, she did me in. We then head to some Poker Tournaments, and I really love those. Great time killer, and plus you meet some cool peeps. I didn’t do to well, which I’ll sum up later on. After that I go take a nap, then head to meet the other guys, and we start to get drunk. Hulkster turns out passed out from the pool party, and Jackass is tore up, from the floor up. German and Fireplug were a little tipsy. I notice Jackasses shoes, their dress shoes. He lost his sandals at the pool party, no one knows how. We head back to Jackasses place, where Jackass passed out practically. The Hulkster awakes, so we go out with Hulkster leaving Jackass passed out. We are walking we see a beautiful woman. Fireplug, “Hey there.” Girl answers back, “Hi there, need some company?” She gave my friend a card, it was just a plain white card with her name “Anna” and her phone number. Welp turns out she was an escort, a kind of high priced one for 500 dollars an hour.
On a side note, I’m lucky I’m not a chick, I’d be the biggest whore ever. damn 500 dollars…really.
Anywho so we drink some more, then we call it a day.
Saturday, German, Fireplug, and me head over to the worlds biggest buffets at the Rio. Dear lord, this thing almost took the River out. I swear I had 2 heart attacks, but the food was pretty good. We did a little site seeing after that. Then I needed to lay down. I woke up in time for the Bears game. Which they lost, pfft. So I met up with the guys. Hulkster was beyond drunk. I really didn’t know how he was functioning. He was wobbling, I swear thought he was going to fall. It was the funniest thing ever. Jackass, and Fireplug were winning at the Craps table, so I volunteered to take Hulkster to his room. It was hilarious, he was talking to everyone, and weaving. I never laughed so hard in my life. So me and German drop him off….
Next Morning I wake to the text, “Hulkster is Missing”….
To Be Continued Tomorrow.