Archive for September, 2011
Well Ginny is upset I left her out of my blog as of late. So I thought I would give her what she wishes.
Let’s start at the beginning, I call her Ginny as in Spoiled Ginny Brat, Not because she spoiled or a brat. She is a Ginny though,and looks like Connie in the movie Godfather. In that movie she gets in a fight with her man, and he calls he a Spoiled Ginny Brat, and like the movie if someone did that to her, I would take a garbage can to his fucking head.
Me and Ginny go long way back, she’s quite the shy girl, I remember my first meeting with her. She came into the break room at Walmart. I said to her, “Hi, there, I’m River. You know my Cousin (Who happens to be White Chocolate)” Her Reply, “Yeah…So” I was speechless. I was like…Ok then.
Let me give you a little background. I was working at Walmart, I was laid off at Governors State, and it was kind of a dark time for me. I had no money to speak of, and just in a state of depression.
Over the years though Ginny dated some friends of mine, and we became friends. At one point her, me, and my cousin were like three peas in a pod. I remember one time I was at home sleeping, then I get woken up by my cousin, and Ginny going, “Let’s spoon cousin”, and Ginny going, “I love to spoon” …God I hope that was Ginny liking my ear. I kicked the drunkards out…but it was funny none the less. Ginny likes to really pick the creme of the crop of douchebags for the men she dates, and when things went sour she would hang out with my cousin, and me. Which was ok by me, a pretty girl is always welcome to hang out with me, especially at this time of my life.
So at this time, I drove on a suspended license, among other nefarious things, and once in a while I would get pulled over, and arrested. A couple of those times Ginny was with me, and each and every time she came through to bail me out, when she didn’t have to. When I was down in the dumps and broke, I remember she would call me up to go out for drinks, and she would pay. I remember she would do just goofy shit, like one time she tried to strip on a pole, and fell off the strippers pole, or be so drunk she just pee’d on a tree in front of her house.
She really made me a laugh, at a period in my life when I really needed it. That’s when I fucked up and developed feelings for her, she let me down gently, but it still broke my heart. She still deserved my loyalty and earned my respect because she never stopped being my friend. I vowed she might not be my girlfriend, but I will always try to be there for her when I can.
Fast Forward a Bit she was dating a real winner, I won’t speak ill of him but I will call him Douchebag, or DB for short. DB has alot of his own demons, and didn’t treat Ginny very well, to the point where I was gonna drop a hammer on him at one point, but DB and Ginny broke up. I thought that Ginny could use a real nice guy, and there is none nicer then the German. My mistake, Ginny had a few demons to work out, and left the German to go back to DB.
Here is my quandary,and my ultimate mistake both these people are my friends, it will be the first time I played matchmaker, and the last. Sure between people things don’t work out sometimes, and when just one is your friend is easier. When both the broken up parties are your friend then it’s fucking tough as hell.
Present Day – Ginny broke up with DB again, and German is still trying to get over her. I understand his pain, I’ve been there before. Ginny has been spending alot of time with me, and I her. It’s dredged up some of the old feelings I had for her. Sadly the mockery of my life is that my life is one of loneliness. I walked dark paths in my life, and it has corrupted my soul, my flesh, my heart. The Gods mock me, by laying out my dreams before me to show me what could have been, alas it’s all illusions. Like dew it is gone in the morning light, and fades like a flower all too soon. As much as I fight my fate, and hope that one day I can attain my dreams of a normal life. I know the truth, there is no normal life…just life. I don’t think I could ever be the guy the Ginny needs in her life….I have way too many demons. I just pray she finds someone to make her happy.
Where does this story end, where do we go from here? I don’t know. All I know are two things, Ginny is my friend, and has a special place in my heart, not because she looks good, or because the way she makes me feel, it’s because she has been there for me in my corner, time and time again. She has a special place in my heart because she earned it, and I do love her, but that love is unconditional. I don’t care who she is with, or where she is at, I will always love her, and I will always be there for her, if I can, and if she asks it.
The other thing I know is I never seen a girl demolish crab like I seen this girl . We went out to all you can eat crab dinner once, she was like watching some National Geographic TV show. I been known to eat alot, but this girl stacked so much crab on her plate, I was like god damn. I was afraid if I got my finger to close, she would try to crack that thing open. I got to say I was a little turned on by it, yet a little scared.
I want to be Immortal. Not in the traditional vampiric sense or anything. No I want people to remember me past the usual 3 generations that people get remembered for. I use to be really obssessed with it when I was young, I even looked into occult, and other things. The problem lies in the fact that I don’t do anything all that remarkable enough to be Immortal. There are only some paths really open to me.
Paths to Immortality -
1. Rich – I could win the Lottery, and build a monument to myself. A statue, or even a huge mauseleom.
2. Famous – As a writer, actor, comedian, etc..etc. Still not to late to become famous.
3. Children – Name my boy River Christopher Cavelle, and tell the boy he must name his boy that, and so on.
4. Infamous – Do something really bad, kill one person you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a god.
Whatever my path is, I don’t care what they say about me when I am gone, as long as they remember me.
I like to celebrate my birthday for a few days, to me it’s a high holiday. It’s not a celebration of my birth, it’s a celbration of surviving another year.
Wow 39, it’s still mind boggling to me, one step away from 40. Who knew I would see this age, and be where I’m at today.
Friday – I went to an all you can eat seafood buffet, holy shit I hit it hard, too hard. I think I overdid it so much, I still haven’t normalized. The buffet was on the riverboat, so I did a little gambling, won a bit of money, nothing fantastic.
Saturday – It was my Pimp and Hoes Party, and what a great time it was. My female friends all “Ho’d” out for me, and even some of the guys got into the act. It was the complete opposite of my last birthday, which was spent in the hospital. I just wish I could remember more, I remember stuffing Jackass in my trunk and going to Kickoff’s, when I opened the trunk and Jackass popped out the people next to my car was stunned. I have to admit, I did smoke some weed that night as well. On my birthday or around I tend to get a little goofy, and I had a hankering for some weed. I use to smoke it all the time back in the day. Well the end result was me passing out in Jackass parking lot.
Sunday – Running on one hours sleep, I showered, and came back to start drinking again, I was hurting but I kept going until 11pm, The funniest thing this day was Jackass lighting his farts in the beer garden.
Monday – My actual birthday, just pretty much rested, had a nice huge steak dinner, then went out for some drinks. Nothing to outlandish, but when I went to Durbins, a girl there went ballistic on me, saying I knew this girl, and stuck up for this girl, whom she hated. She was mother fucking me, and calling me all sorts of names. I looked at the bartender and went, “My fan club is here” The bartender tossed the girl out.
Tuesday – just relaxed and enjoyed my day off.
Well that’s about it. I just want to thank all my friends for making my birthday one to remember for a long time, and I hope I bring a little fun into their life, as much as they bring fun into mine.
As my birthday approaches once more I tend to freak out a bit. Hopefully this year will be better than last year. Why is it that birthday’s get me all fucked up and in a weird place you might ask. Well I’ll tell you.
1. I hate Old Age - Old age to me is when you become a burden on your loved ones, and society. I don’t really want to grow old for that reason, to me life isn’t about the quantity, but the quality.
2. I have no idea what I’m doing - I really never had a plan for my life, still don’t. Every birthday I sit there and go “What Now?”
3. Don’t have the tools to be an adult – I really hate reponsibility, oh sure I can handle it when it comes up, but my natural state is to avoid it like the fucking plague.
4. Not so much the when, but how I die – Sort of an old age thing again, but I don’t want to die sickly and in bed, and my days of dyeing in a hail of gunfire are quickly passing.
5. Wasted Talent - In my family we have a little joke, we say to each other, “You had all the tools.” Our fathers would say that to us boys, meaning we could of been great at football, or hockey because we had all the tools, but we wasted it. Sometimes I wish I worked harder, and actually had some goals. They say the biggest sin is wasted talent.
6. Peter Pan Complex - No I don’t like to wear green tights, and hang around boys and faeries, I just don’t really want to be an adult, but here we are in middle age.
7. I don’t really know – I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I overstayed my welcome in life. Like what the fuck am I still doing here. Some of my friends have passed, yet I am still here. One time a friend looked at me and goes, ” I always thought you would be the first to go.” I replied, “No shit so did I”
Welp here we are again, another weekend…plus Monday flew right by.
Friday I went out with Jackass, and RJ and we had a blast. RJ really just cracks me up, she just speaks whats on her mind, and she really just doesn’t give a fuck. I left her in Jackass’s capable hands….ok maybe not so much. Then I headed to Teehans, and then Durbins. I don’t remember really where I was until 6am…stoopid booze, but I didn’t get home until then.
Saturday – I popped up at 8am to go get an oil change, didn’t do much…I stayed in because I had a big Nascar day.
Sunday – I woke up at a little before 4am…yea you read that right…I woke up. I headed to Nascars house for get this a Nascar race. I feel bad for Nascar, she wanted to show me how fun this stuff was. Turns out it was raining and miserable. I still had fun, talking to people, getting free stuff, I can really enjoy myself anywhere. I might even go back to a race.
After that I went home, grabbed some dinner, headed up to JWH…and entered the Shit show. Tallagdega, Jackas, Commando, Torino, and a bunch of other people were fricking hammered. There was even a fight. Towelie was there with me sober too. I just wanted one, and to go. I was so fricking tired it was Ridonkulous. I had to stop by Teehans, and Durbins but by then I was out and out dead.
Monday – I took off, cause between you, me , and this blog. I had an interview with a recruiter, he might have a new job for me. Let’s see.
Well the great experiment in buying a place is over. The Condo deal though not a total bust, I kind of let the deal die on its own accord. For a couple of reasons, 1. I was sick of waiting, I am patient but there are limits to my patience, in addition I have to get out of my Mother’s place. Don’t get me wrong I love my Mother, but she’s slipping hard into dementia, and her gambling habit. I have to get out before she drags me down into insanity as well, and lets face it my grasp on my sanity is tenuous at best as well. 2. I think it’s time to get a new job, and if I’m on the job hunt, I want to be a little more mobile, and not locked into something I couldn’t break.
Yeah I think it’s time to move on, alot of shady business is going on over here. Communication is at an all time low. When communication is not happening in business that is not a good thing. Also they are not filling positions that are vacant when people leave.
It’s weird how things work out to, an opportunity just came my way, making more money. We’ll I don’t like to count chickens before they hatch, but the only thing is it’s a downtown job, and who know what will happen. I just find it extremely coincidental.
I secured an apartment, and I’ll be moving Oct 8th the latest into a place in Tinley Park. Where? I ain’t telling. I don’t want you people to know where I live. LOL!
A little Chaotic in my life, but that’s a good thing. Chaos is where I dwell, and I thrive at.
Being the Idealist I am a big believer in the instituition of marriage, I always have. Marriage is an Ideal to me. It is a vow in front of your peers, family, and God to make a commitment unto death.
Some of my issues with my mother started way back when. She divorced my father over the worst thing for me to divorce someone for financial. My Dad like me isn’t a financial whiz, but he was a great salesman, but like all sales sometimes business just sucks. So my Mom for a bit was the major bread winner. I guess she didn’t like that, so she left. I went through a hard time with my dad, because of it. I’ve seen my brother, friends, and other family go through their trials and tribulations with marriage as well.
Perhaps I am a fool, perhaps the goal of marrying the woman I love, and growing old with her is a outdated concept, but I have been a fool for much assanine reasons. I cringe whenever I see a girl or guy cheating on their marriage, not that I feel they are bad people, I just feel that you make a vow/promise you keep it, that’s just me though. I rarely hold people up to the the high standards that I hold myself with.
Married men say I don’t know how good I got it. They only remember the good things about being single, their is some bad things. I think also I really like the idea of a team conquering and going through life, and not just myself. As for me I look forward to someday calling a girl my wife, but you know, The plans of mice and men often goes awry.
Friday – I had to work late, and I pretty much stayed in.
Saturday – Different story went out early with Jackass, wasn’t going to stay out too late cause we had a Bears game the next day. Well the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. One thing of note Notre Dame was playing Michigan, and if anyone knows me well they know I’m a big Michigan fan. Well I bet Tallegdega a couple bucks the Michigan would still win at the half, when ND was winning. Well it was one of the greatest comebacks I ever seen, as well as game. So after a Michigan game. I was feeling well frisky, and got all drunk. I don’t remember much I do remember dancing with some strange chick. I was also challenged to do a Car Bomb at Teehans, it was a very close race. He started a little earlier then me, and he won by a second. I let him have it . By the end of the night I was drunk dancing with some strange girl at Durbins.
Sunday – Bears Game means serious drinking, and I drank…alot. Bears won, and it was a great time. Commando and me, played a little pimp and ho scene on Oak Park Avenue. Commando screamed “You owe me 50 bucks!” I yelled back, “You weren’t that good, mind you place ho”
The boys at Teehans loved it.