I had to break up with the one I love. It was very hard because I love her to death. I won’t go into details, but when I needed her love and compassion the most, she only gave me pain, and heartache. I thought she was the one. I thought she was my last. She proved me wrong. I bare her no ill will. I wish her the best, and I hope she finds happiness. Does it hurt? Yes more than you can imagine, but then again pain and misery I felt so much in my life at some point you just become numb to it.
My mother is in the hospital again, and this time it isn’t good. It’s hard to visit her because she is delirous, so much so she is in restraints, and to see someone you love in restraints is enough to drive you to anger. When I get angry, bad things happen. I swear I’m on a knives edge, and about to toss someone out the fucking window at the hospital, but my Mom is only on the second floor, that person won’t get hurt. I found out Friday that they found Cancer in her colon when they did the operation to repair her messed up colon. They have to run more tests to see how bad it is, they can’t right now because she has to heal from her operation.
Meanwhile I have to spend nights at my mothers, because my stepdad is in such bad shape, he can’t be left alone. I am having a rough time sleeping there, and thank God I can run World of Warcraft off my Mom’s computer, only thing that is keeping me somewhat sane. I have a little resentment towards the fact that the duty falls on my head, but my nephew stepped up one day, let me recharge my battery. I used that day to visit friends, and thank god for my friends. I had so many laughs Sunday, it really did do me good. What will happen to him if something happens to my mother, I don’t know. I really don’t.
Well as bleak as things may seem. I know that this too shall pass, and I’m quite stocked up on whiskey at the house so that’s a good thing