One of my favorite lines from a movie. I would love for once my life was normal though. To be married, a good job, kids….that isn’t my lot in life. My life has been anything but normal…jail…mental institute, college, every job known to man, love, hate, death, and pain. I seen it all.  Any man who says he doesn’t have regrets is either a simpleton, or a fool.  I have legions of them.

There are times I curse God, Destiny, or whatever power that has been guiding my life. I haved begged those same powers for release of these chains of whatever fate they have condemned me to. I have fought, and rattled these chains to the bursting point. The sad thing is at every greatest tragedy of my life, at the heart of every regret, there is no God to blame, fate had nothing to do with it. In the dark hours of the night as I lay in bed, or I look myself in the mirror I know who the enemy is, I know who, and what to blame for my failings.

That person is me.

So much has happened this year, My beloved grandmother passed, and I have a girlfriend now. When I take a step back and look at it all, it’s a bit overwhelming. 

But I’m here in the trenches, slugging it out with the rest of you, and I’m a bit weary. I’ll be back in the 2012, and hopefully with my batteries recharged.

If you have permissions to write feel free to do so. Otherwise. Take care, and have a good, and safe New Year.

Saturday – I was feeling tired, I had to work, and do my usual mom chores. I did grab some sushi with the Ginny it was nice.

Sunday – Went to Mass, then to watch the Bears game at JWH. It was a good time spent with my friends. I saw the German there, we were civil to each other, but the cold shoulder was there. I felt bad, but there was nothing I could do. It’s a shame.

yeah not much of a crazy weekend, but hey these things happen.

1. Old School Camaraderie - My friend who I used to work with in the Blue Iguana days, and my best friend Jackass work here. It’s just great to be part of something with these guys. Also it’s nice to be part of a team, and at JW Holsteins that what I view all of us as. Bouncers, Bartenders, Waitresses we’re a team. Also in the bar business I really respect Darby, I hope I can make a positive impact to his business, and do him proud. I look forward to forging new stories of good times.

2. Money - I like it. I don’t do shit on Thursdays anyway, why not make a little.

3. Paid to be social – I like meeting new people, and being a part of customer service. What most bouncers don’t understand, sure we’re there to keep the peace, and make sure things go smoothly. We’re also there for customer service, and to make people “feel” safe.

4. Power – Ok there isn’t much power to being a bouncer, but there is a little, and I get off on it.

5. Thrill – Let’s face it…computers is not a real exciting job. You never get a steel chair to the head, while checking someones computer for viruses.

6. I miss it – I guess you can say it’s in my blood, I’ve been doing it for half my life. I started when I was 21, and I’m 39 now. Once in a while I miss the good stuff, and sometimes even the bad stuff.

7. Roadhouse – If I’m bouncing… It doesn’t seem gay that I watch this movie all the time, quote lines, and masturbate to it…wait that’s too much info…never mind about this one.

1. Drinking – Vikings just drank to excess. They lived a hard life, and partied hard. To them it was part of being a man, holding your booze.

2. Don’t take any shit- They took what the wanted, by force if they had to, and they didn’t take any shit from anyone.

3. Passionate - They are passionate about their culture, and life. When they hop on a table, and scream “ODIN!”, you feel that passion.

4. The way they face death, is the way they face life- When the King Ragnar, jumps into a pit of starving wolves, sword in hand laughing. That’s how life should be lived, fighting and laughing. The wolves may overtake you, but you never give up, you never stop, and you never stop laughing.

Ever want to learn who, and what I am…then watch this movie, and you might just get me.

Sunday though all bets were off. Went to the football game at JWH with my friends…somewhere between the first apple pie to the 151 a friend of mine snuck in. I got really drunk. I left early cause if I stuck around, well lets just say I would be calling in sick today. My girlfriend came over, and we chilled out a bit..well I sobered up, and she chilled. She was really nervous about the interview. So I really showed her my support.

Pretty lame I know as per my usual antics, which has me worried am I growing up? No, just low on funds most likely. As soon as I hit the lotto, I’ll be back to my normal crazy drunk assholes ways.

My life is amazing, how did I get here. How did I go from believing I would end up alone, to having a pretty girl from my past fall in love with me, and me falling in love with her. The simple fact is I don’t know. I didn’t set out for this. I didn’t plan any of this, as cliche as it is…it just happened.  The ancient chinese philosopher, Confucious once said, “I had a dream I was a butterfly, then I awoke and pondered. Am I a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or am I butterfly dreaming I was a man.”  Sometimes as I wake up, and see her next to me, I wonder when will this dream end.

Oh don’t get me wrong, it’s all not roses, and doves flying around. Love, and relationships are work. She’s working hard to train me in keeping the toilet seat down, (which I might just start peeing sitting down to make things easier LOL!), and keeping cabinet doors closed, I have a tendency to open them, and never close them. She’s not perfect either, and I can go in a tirade three posts long. Love’s not about that though. Love is looking past those things. We are all crazy in the end, it’s what we’re willing to put up with from those we love that makes the relationship go.  

In the past a girlfriend for me was a girl I saw once or twice a week, which for a guy like me was no sweat. This though is a real adult relationship, and part of me is scared. I mean I have troubles raising houseplants, and I know I’m more immature then a 16 year old who loves to play HALO. Then again there’s part of me, when I look into her eyes that wants to be the man she wishes me to be, the Superman of her dreams. She spends an awful lot of time with me, and sometimes the lone wolf in me gets a little ruffled, but when she’s gone…well I miss her.

There are many things I am, and many things I am not, but right now I am “in a relationship”, and I couldn’t be happier, ok I could be happier if I was rich….just saying.

Friday-  I just stayed in with the Ginny. just watched a movie.

Saturday- It was Stitches party, and I really let loose. I started hammering the Black Haus shots early, and man oh man at some point I lost control. I ended up at Teehans for my other buddies bday, Snaga.  After a few Car Bombs I don’t really remember what came next. I do remember being at Durbins. I do remember telling a waitress at Olympic Star I was going to get my nipples pierced. Why I have no clue. I wish I could write down some antics, but I don’t really remember…Stoopid Booze.  

Sunday – I had to get up at 730am, still drunk to bring my car in for brakes. I was still hammered when I woke up. The rest of the day I was so messed up, I hardly drank at the bar for the Bears game, after which I  passed out. Which in turn pissed off my girlfriend, cause she didn’t know where I was for hours.  A couple funny things hear is I wore Commandos Pantyhose on my head, and told everyone as I walked into JWH that this was a robbery. or when I wore my monkey mask after Commando called me an ape.

A loving family – without their support I would most likely be dead, or in jail. Especially my brother, and my cousin. Those two have been the biggest influence on my life, and probably the thing that has kept me the most sane.

Friends – I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends. As shown by my posts about them.

Job – I get to work in a field I love, and enjoy.

This year something new, a girlfriend- I’m thankful for her….for keeping my life exciting, and though sometimes I want to choke the living shit out of her, I do love her very much.

I can go on and on what I’m thankful for, but I also miss my grandmother, this is the first holiday without her, and being that she was the best cook I ever knew it will be real rough. I’m thankful my grandfather is still here.

I hope everyone has a great Turkey Day, and be safe.