The Birth of Rivztech

I was sitting around the other day thinking I could use a little extra cash flow this Christmas. Then I was thinking why not use my skills to garner this extra bread. The only reason I haven’t is really lazinesss. I work on computers all day, I really don’t want to come home and work on other peoples computers.

Then I thought I’ll never get ahead if I don’t adopt a more go get them attitude. I should stop begging for scraps at the table, like a dog. So I started my own website, www.rivztech.com and got some business cards coming. I’m really going to make an attempt at this. If I fail, at least I attempted to do something. Who knows i might even be a success.

 

Fuck I’m Forty

Holy shit I made it to 40. How the fuck did that happen. I must redouble my efforts and drink more.

September 11th, 2001

A day my generation will never forget, a day that changed America. I remember I was actually on a job interview at Moraine Valley Community College, talk about bad omen. I remember the interview was stopped by this commotion in the hall, me and the interviewer went  out there, and there on a TV we both watched America change, our security as a country crumbled. As some Memes say, Shit just got real.

Of course the rest of the interview was cancelled, and I was kind of in a dreamlike state when I went home. The footage, the aftermath, the stories. All had a surreal effect to them, but a very heartwarming side to it. To see Americans banding together for a cause, no matter who you are, or were that didn’t matter at the time. We were Americans.

The sad thing now is that feeling is lost, we are each others throats over this election, everyone has their own agenda. It’s sad that it takes a tragedy of that magnitude to realize we are one nation, under god.

September 11th, Never Forget…who we are, what we are, where we came from, and where we need to be. God Bless America.

Moving On

It’s funny, I always had a special place in my heart for Ginny. It will be hard for me to move on.For the past ten plus years she has been a part of my life in some form or another. She sent me a text out of the blue, saying she was going to post this picture, in the picture it said, ” I was thinking of getting back with my ex, then again I was thinking of taking a shit in my hands and clapping”  How was I suppose to respond to that. I was I that bad of a boyfriend, when her parents kicked her out I took her in, when she needed money I gave her money, when she had any problem, I helped her solve it.  I didn’t beat her, even though she may say I treated her like shit, I gave her a foot massage almost every day. If that’s treating someone like shit, I really would like someone to treat me like shit too.

 When I heard she went on dates, when we were broken up for a short time, then most recently one of my friends saw her out in public all lovey dovey with a guy. Even though I told my friend I didn’t care, I guess it was the final knock out I needed to realize that if I’m easily replaced then maybe I didn’t mean as much to her, as I did . I mean if you loved someone alot don’t you need a little time to heal, and not jump right back into the saddle.

Maybe it’s just me, perhaps I was just a diluted fool. The japanese say you fall down 7 times, you get up 8 times. It’s one thing us Cavelles are good at it’s surviving, so I’ll pick myself up once more, dust myself up, and live my life.

It started yesterday, there I was  at my favorite bar, with my favorite friends in the whole world, watching my favorite football team, beat up a team I hate, at the end I had pretty girls dancing with me, and I was having tons of fun, and sharing tons of laughs. 

Life is good.

The big 4-0

Well every birthday I do a bit of freaking out. I have real umbrage with growing older. I don’t really want to grow older. Being old to me represents weakness, your body starts breaking down, and when you get to old you become a burden to others…and we ALL know how I hate that.

On the other hand I’m in disbelief I am still alive, and kicking. Even among my older friends from back in the day, they are mildly shocked. I lived a life on the edge. Walking 26th and California at 2am, eating a hostess pie with not a care in the world does take a little bit of insanity.

So the build up begins and wierd strange thoughts go in and out of my head. If I seem wierd or erratic it’s because I’m fucking freaking out over the fact I’m turning 40, and I’m wondering how the fuck I managed that.

Hollow Man

Monday Hangover

Well for most of the weekend I was pretty good. Friday stayed in played some video games. Then Saturday went out to dinner with my father, and brother. We hung out with him awhile, and then he started crying. He said he was happy. Me and Bro made him laugh again by cracking jokes. It’s hard to see my father cry. He was my hero growing up, larger then life, I feared and respected him. It’s wierd seeing him in this state. It sucks growing old. 

After that I went to a bonfire, it was an old friends birthday it was a nice mellow time. my friend girlfriend made dates, wrapped in bacon. They were fricking good. I am a firm believer anything wrapped in bacon is tasty.We were talking about the changes in our friends lives, and Towelie brought up a point. We are sad because we don’t like change. He’s right part of the human condition I guess. I called it an early evening.

Went to Mass Sunday with my Grandfather, and breakfast. It was nice.  Then I went to work for a couple hours, it was easy. Then I went to a party. There it got a little nutty, a bunch of girls getting drunk, acting fools.  I had a good time, but I left around 1030. I should of been in heaven pretty girls making out on my lap for christs sake. Part of me wasn’t.  I don’t know sometimes even in a crowded place surrounded with my friends. I feel alone still.

I went home, smoked a cigar on my balcony. As I watched the smoke go to the sky, my brain wandered. Did I make a mistake with Ginny? Was I unfair?  I do love her, but why did she have to do those things? why did she try to decieve me?

In the end of the night, I put my cigar out. As the last of the smoke flew up to the sky, I added the days regrets onto the pile, and went to bed…alone.