“The torch of doubt and chaos, this is what the sage steers by” – Chuang tzu

This person I care about deeply has a problem, she lives her life by a plan. I know a lot of women that do this, and I start to wonder if this is a woman issue, or maybe the men that have this issue are hiding from me. Now I admire a person who makes a plan and sticks to it. The problem with this woman, and so many others I know is this when the plan does not come about as planned they get upset, emotionally and sometimes physically as well. This weekend I confronted the person about this issue, and she started to tearing up…

Once while bouncing I was the only bouncer on duty, it was nickel draft night, about 30 guys and 2 girls at the bar. A bar brawl breaks out the kind you only see in westerns. As I try to pull one guy off another, while trying to fend off blows from a sundry of other dudes, I feel a large “THUNK” on my head. I keep going and the police finally arrive. Later I am sitting at the bar, having a after shift drink, a waitress comes up to me and says “Oh my god are you ok?”. I’m like, “yeah, why?” She replied, ” You got hit with a metal stool over your head”. I was thankful it wasn’t a bottle.

The point with that story is I would rather get hit with a hundred stools, then deal with a woman crying. I really don’t know what to do, it’s like kryptonite for me. So I did a silly dance, made a fool of myself and got her to laugh.

I am the total opposite of these people that like to plan, but I know how they feel. Once in my life my demons that I battle daily got the best of me, my life was complete chaos. I didn’t even know where I was going to get money for my next meal, let alone have a plan, or a to do list. What came to my rescue is Zen Buddism, among other things. Now I am no practitioner, I do not sit in my robes and chant all day. I did take stock in it’s teachings and try to learn something. One of the principles is  “The only thing we can control in this universe is ourselves”. This was and still is my mantra. I can not control other people, I can not control other things, I can not control the outcome of certain life decisions. The only thing I can control is myself in this moment. Do I turn left or right, once I make that decision the rest is up to the universe.

Learn more about Zen,


 I will leave you with my favorite quote from the book Of Mice and Men -” The best laid plans of Mice and Men often go awry”


2 Responses to ““The torch of doubt and chaos, this is what the sage steers by” – Chuang tzu”

  1. You have to be flexible, don’t you? Plans are good and all, but strictly adhering can make you lose your mind if things don’t happen as they “should”, huh?

    I tend to be a little resistant to change, but that might be because I really don’t HAVE a plan. When you don’t have a plan and life settles into a comfy groove, changes can bug me out. Maybe that’s because I’m one of those broads who DOESN’T plan. Hm. Interesting thought.

    Anyway, this is so true:

    “The only thing we can control in this universe is ourselves”.

    My mantra is “control is an illusion,” but yours is a little more empowering.

    Talk soon!


  2. theeriver Says:

    “Control is an illusion” is so true Nora, but I think there are alot of things other then control that are illusions as well, like ownership, or material wealth these things are illusions and trappings that can be taken away in an instant, don’t believe me ask some of the victims of Hurrican Katrina, I’m sure they know 😉

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