“Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

So I saw the movie 21 it was pretty good, a little slow at times but good. Good at showing some things at life. If you have a gambling problem it’s not the best movie to see. I mentioned battling demons from time to time, one of them is I am addicted to gambling.

Being addicted to something that isn’t tangible is difficult to explain to people because it isn’t a drug, or alchohol. I think sometimes people would understand more if I was addicted to crack. How does it feel to be addicted to gambling? Well it’s like pavlovs dog, everytime I hear a bell ring I want to do is gamble. My bell is when my life is a little down,  I need money, or when I’m generally depressed….or when I see a movie that kind of underlines why I like to gamble.

For me true gambling, to me playing poker with your buddies. or an occasional lottery ticket isn’t gambling, is about the action.  The action is about the camaraderie of your fellow gamblers, the thrill of the win, the casino staff treating you like somebody, it’s the feel of the cards, the felt, the chips in your hand, its the bells and sounds of the casino, the risks involved, the living on the edge and the decision of you being a winner is decided not by how well you look, or how much money you have but by a flip of a card.

I remember I first started with my friends with poker, rummy 500 for money, then went to the horses, i enjoyed balmoral alot. Seeing the horses, hanging with the old pappy’s. Then I graduated to the riverboats from there the rest is history so to speak.

When the urge hits, it’s like a nagging. A devils voice promising me the world, decieving me into believing things that just aren’t true. Things like today is my lucky day, I know I could win some money, and this money will help my situation. This time it will be different, I’ll walk away when I’m up….and on and on. It’s like a broken record in my head, and I want to just hop in my car, and drive to the nearest boat.

To tell you of my descent, in the throes of my addiction I would go to the riverboat 6 days a week, sometimes for just a couple hours, sometimes for 12 hours at a time. I would win some, lose some, but mostly lose.  What did I lose? I loss my creditibility, honor, respect, dignity, and I loss a whole shitload of money. Well I won’t tell you exact figures but if I had all the money I loss I could of bought a house, and an audi cash.

Well after battling my demons I nearly loss my life and sanity, but that is a tale for another time. I did find help in Gamblers Anon.

http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/

These days I do something to occupy my mind to defeat the urge, like go have a few drinks at a friendly bar, go play some warcrack, or just watch a movie. I occupy my mind, then sooner or later the urge subsides.

When I was coming out of the movie, an older guy said to me, “Makes you want to go to the boat.huh?”

I told him, “Buddy, you have no idea…..none”

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One Response to ““Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect” – Ralph Waldo Emerson”

  1. cavells Says:

    BRAVO!!!!

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