Archive for September, 2008

Tales from the Big House.

Posted in General Life, River with tags , , on September 16, 2008 by theeriver

I thought to give the Diary a little rest, and tell you of some of my other adventures.  Some of you that know me, may or may not know that I was in my youth, well let’s just say not a nice person. I did some bad things along the way of my life. Some of them landed me in Jail.  Well I decided to tell you some of my stories from the jailhouse scene, so that if you ever go there you know what to expect.

Jail isn’t just about the anal rapes, the gang fights, and the shanks. It’s really about waiting, waiting for court, waiting for your next meal, waiting to be released. It’s just a huge waiting room.  Now being a big guy, I have distinct advantage over a smaller guy. Criminals are predators, and they only prey on those weaker then them. So if you go to jail make sure you are not a little guy. If you are little. develop a crazy demeneor real quick.  I’m not proud what I done in my life, but it’s my life, and it makes me who I am today. My motive here is to entertain, and not glorify, or give credit to what I done, or where I have gone. Jail is no place to be, I never wan

There were moments that I stood on a razor blade, with some hardened criminals. Funny enough there were moments that made me laugh as well. One such moment. I was in a little room filled with some criminals awaiting our bail hearings one time. SInce Jail is all about waiting, alleged convicts would talk to aleve the boredom. One thing you will notice, everyone is innocent in jail. It’s not what you did. It’s what is it your “In” for. So we went around the room telling the others what were In for. We got to one guy he said, “Shit, man I’m with some hardened criminals, I just stole a 50 dollar drill. These mugs are crazy, officers get me out of here, I don’t belong with these thugs!!!” We all just laughed.

Top 5 things I would do if I grew a Vagina.

Posted in River with tags on September 12, 2008 by theeriver

Me and my friend Nora at Shoulda Woulda Coulda got into a little note of things I should do If and when I grow a vagina, without being sick or disgusting. Here’s rated PG list of things I would do.

1. Go to a bar and hit guys up for free drinks. Damn it I’m sick of doing the buying all the time.

2. Bitch about men, we really do suck, but I can’t bitch since I am one.

3. Watch a chick flick, like Somethings Gotta Give. I hear these movies are actually entertaining if you have a va-jay-jay.

4. Wear a pastal, think I could get away with it, without being mugged, or beat up.

5. Actually clean something beyond the usual surface cleaning.  Chicks really can clean things better then us usually.

Ok there’s my list. What’s your list if you became the opposite gender. Tell you the truth is probably for the first day I would just stare at it, and play around with it. Who am I kidding first week.