I was talking to a friend last night, and she got me thinking about one of my other friends. I say I live my life without regrets, I generally do. I live my life, I fuck up, I pick myself up, and try again. I make mistakes in life, but I try to learn from them, and grow. There’s one mistake in my life though I can not just resolve as a learning lesson.

I had a friend Tony, he was like a brother to me. Many a night we would just sit and play cards until the wee hours of the morning, or smoke stogies on the balcony. He was alot like me, wanted to just have a good time. Ahh the good times we had together, if it wasn’t for him I would of never been to Myrtle Beach. He had my back, I remember there was a group of 30 guys surrounding me, and a couple of my other friends. He waded in with total disregard for himself standing up for his friend me. He had a good job, his own condo at an early age, a brand new truck, a nice girlfriend, a loving family. He had it all, but he didn’t think so. He had a gambling problem, and he was going to lose it all. Instead of facing the music, he killed himself.

I didn’t step in, and see the problem for what it was. I wasn’t able to stop him from what he did.  A little bit of me died that day as well. Those were dark times, that has left a stain on my soul. I will always feel like I let him down.

I worry sometimes am I repeating my mistake. She got me thinking am I letting another friend down?

7 Responses to “Friendship”

  1. Riv, you can’t blame yourself for his suicide. I am a firm believer that if someone takes their own life, they are going to do it no matter what. You said yourself that he had a condo, truck, nice girlfriend… etc. If all of that didn’t stop him from committing suicide, nothing probably would have.

  2. You let me down every day! Seriously though, if you feel like you are reliving that situation with someone else, then bring it up to this person. At least you will have a clearer conscience.

  3. theeriver Says:

    Sherry – I know rationally your right, but you know how it goes. One day a moment comes across, and a flash of doubt crosses your mind.

    Mike – I can’t let down you, your at rock bottom already. Yeah I kinda sort of brought it up, like telling this person is ever depressed, I hope they know they can call me. In my mind that’s clearly not enough, but you don’t want to push to far.

  4. For someone who is truly suffering from depression (not just feeling low), then venting is not always a good option. This is because it forces them to relive their problems and if they are stuck in the muck, it will just draw them further down. Imo, the best thing you can do for someone with depression, is to try and get their mind onto something, anything else. Some types of people do this naturally without even realizing it. They will throw themselves into their work, a particular hobby, anything to disappear from the area where they are constantly feeling pain. Do you know why this person is feeling the way they are?

  5. theeriver Says:

    Yeah usual, unhappy with job, money problems, love life sucks. Or as I call it the trifecta of misery.

  6. Sounds like a mid-life crisis.

  7. Definitely say something. I don’t think you could have saved Tony. I don’t think anyone can really save anyone else, psychologically. But it can’t hurt.

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