Monday Hangover

Well this weekend was one of those weekends where Caligula himself would of went home early, so I apologized before hand if my weekend report is incoherent, or if there are gaps in the evening. Cause from this weekend there are so many holes in my memories, it’s worse then swiss cheese.

We start of Friday, where I stopped by a friends house, it was nice her family was there, her fiancee. I just had a few beers there. I like going there they are some good people. Salt of the earth. I can’t wait for my friends wedding it will be a good time.

Then I headed to good ole JWH. One of my favorite local bands were playing Acoustically Challenged, Good band, and a Good bunch of guys. It is there I commenced with the whiskey. I promised myself I shouldn’t have any shots because of my oral surgery. Well even though I planned on behaving, the forces of evil had different plans. My friend Jackass, and The German came out. The German never comes out. This isn’t good. A guy I’ll call The Pope, a good friend, and more straight laced then us, was in a drinking mood. By the eighth shot, I start to think I may not be keeping that promise to myself.

We usually go to Teehans, and Durbins at the end of the night, because the Pope wanted to go to Durbins to talk someone we make our way to Durbins in the middle of the night. The bartender I have a little crush on was working. I was happy. Then on our way back, we had to get an Irish Car bomb, damn Teehans!!!.

So went back to JWH, where we finished rocking out the night with Acoustically Challenged, and did a few more shots. At the end of the night I was kidnapped by a couple of Jenny’s and went to Kickoffs. Had a few at Kickoffs, then finished the night at Olympic Star.

Saturday was my friends Jackass sister’s birthday, call her Jackassette. We started the night at her place downtown. Real nice condo. Awesome view of the city, and lake. Jackassette had her friends coming over, It was like Donnie, Mickey, Frankie, etc..etc.. I was like great a fricking sausage fest. They were some of the most beautiful girls I ever seen. Donnie was a very tall girl, about 6 foot tall, and me being a tall guy do tend to like the taller ones. So when she came over, I was gawking a little. Stoopid whiskey. Good thing my friend kicked me and reminded me to blink. Someone asked where she was from, she replied, “Utah.” Jackass piped in, “Yes you are.”  So after creeping out the pretty girls. Jackassette said another friend was coming, Lauren. Awesome another hot chick. Nope this was a dude…what the heck??  I drank almost a whole pint of Jim Beam before going out. There was like a sip left in the morning, and I was getting razzed about it. From there we went to Uncle Fatty’s for all you can drink for 30 bucks.  I lost count of the shots. I remember dancing at one point. . I flirted with every thing with breasts, which while I’m drunk probably seemed witty to me, but to the sober girls, probably looked rather bad.  I wish to say Uncle Fatty’s was the end of it. Nope. I went to another bar called the Store. This is where the Jim Beam meanness starts to get riled up a bit. Some young lawyer douchebags were trying to make fun of me. They asked me if I went to college., I lied. “Nope”. Of course they all went places like “Harvard” They all work at big firms, drive nice cars. yada yada yada. They finally asked me what I do, ” I work for a bookie, I beat the fuck out of people that owe him money.” I got a few free shots after that.  The bartender there was real cool, fellow Paisan Geno.  Next bar went to Frankies I think. This is where mean River shows up. A guy bumps my arm and spills my beer, I switch to beer when I get really drunk, He apologizes to me. I go, “Sorry doesn’t fucking give me my beer back mother fucker, you better buy me another one, or we’re going to have a problem.” The guy says, “Alright I’ll buy you another one.”  I wait for a few minutes, I see the guy talking to some chick, “I see you talking to some pussy, but where’s my god damn beer.” The bouncer comes by, “Calm down.” I reply, ” I’ll calm down when I get my beer this mother fucker spilled.”  The guy who spilled my beer shows up with one.  I feel sorry for downtown women, the men are all pussies there.

After a solid hour of sleep, I get woken up the next morning by Jackass and his brother wrestling.  We progress to head back home, but before that a photo op.  Me on a little scooter, I’m trying to get the pic from my friend right now.

So we head to JWH for the Sunday bears game, where I drink so much I litterally almost pass out I’m so tired. I eat and drink my full, but the Bears get anally reamed.  Though I gottasay even when the Bear lose, I still have a good time. The people I hang out at JWH, just make me laugh so much, my sides hurt sometimes from laughing so much. I wonder if people go into work the next day, and tell stories about the weirdos at JWH. I won a free Bears package next week, even though I’m doomed never to win Bears tickets, it’s ok I’m winning something at least. Before I pass out from being so tired I had to call it a night early about 6pm.

I woke up, and I contemplated calling off I hurt so bad. I sucked it up though and made into work.

A couple things I’m disappointed about though is The German didn’t make it out downtown on Saturday, and I’m a tosh upset about that. Also my cousin was out and about Oak Park avenue, and I wasn’t there. I like partying with him, and to see him on my home turf is awesome, well as long as angry guy doesn’t show up. His birthday is coming up, the big 35, and I can’t wait to get him shitfaced big time, like toilet bowl puking drunk…Ahhh good times…good times.

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6 Responses to “Monday Hangover”

  1. For some reason, when I picture you as angry drunk, I see Frank the Tank.

  2. Well I;m glad you took my advice on not drinking this weekend seriously LOL.

    I was told that there was a shopping cart injury at JWH this Sunday. Someone is in serious need for a chiropractor after carrying “Jackass” to dump him into the cart. Damn, the one weekend that I’m a good girl and don’t go out, all the fun stuff happens.

    BTW, how are your teeth… or lack thereof.

  3. “Ill do one more! It tastes so good when it hits your lips” – Frank

  4. Teeth are good, a little sore.

  5. white chocolate Says:

    well i am glad to here angry guy showed up. also glad u had a good time in the city. oh ya nora better be present for my b-day!! cameras are not an option!!

  6. white chocolate Says:

    one question did u have time to hit home depot and bed bath and beyond?

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