I don’t know how to love.

That’s the last words my friend spoke to me, well that and Fuck you asshole. She may have a point.

The first words uttered to me by my doctor when I was born was, “Geez, look at this monster” My poor mother behind the curtain thought she gave birth to a three-armed mutant. I was big, I didn’t even fit on the baby scale.

I’ve been big all my life. My fate was handed to me. Everywhere when I was even a baby they called me a monster. Then as I grew into middle school. I became that monster everyone wanted.  Someone started with me, I finished it. I gave no mercy, nor did I recieve any. Then High School came, and I got into sports. Football, Wrestling, and Track. I excelled at what I did, I got an award for most improved player in Football. I worked out constantly, breaking records in the weight room. I was a monster, but I was happy. For I knew my place in life. I knew where I belonged. When I walked out on that field under the lights with the crowd cheering. I was home.  While other teenagers were out exploring there love for one another. I had but one love, the battlefield.  She was my mistress.

Well as time passed, and old warriors were put to pasture. I don’t think I ever quite learned how to love. I was born in the wrong time. In cavemen era, all a caveman had to do to prove his love was to slay a mammoth, or when the knight needed to impress his lady love all he had to do was slay a dragon.

Alas there are no mammoths to kill, or dragons to slay.


6 Responses to “I don’t know how to love.”

  1. I don’t believe that for one minute. How can you say you don’t know how to love? You have a ton of family and friends that have taught you the concept of love. You help your mother out all of the time since she is disabled. That is a form of showing love right there. I don’t know what events led up to your friend saying those words to you, did you do something insensitive? Just because you can act like an asshole sometimes doesn’t mean you don’t have the ability to love someone. I can be a total bitch at times (shocker, I know!) but I still know how to show love and caring to others. I think you are just making up excuses to excuse the times you act like an asshole to others.

  2. theerivs Says:

    Maybe I am an asshole, pretending to be a nice guy.

  3. Nope, that’s not it. Nice try sucka.

  4. You are once again making excuses… get off the pitty pot and man up Riv. 🙂

  5. white chocolate Says:

    Riv, you have one of the biggest hearts i know. You also do things for people all the time. not for reconition just because that is how your wired. on the outside u may have a rough look but on the inside we all know what’s there. u let ur actions speak louder than ur words and for that i commend u. just keep being u and setting goals for yourself. don’t ever quit. if i was a betting man. ok i am! i would bet that u touch someones life everyday and don’t even know it. now that’s how u measure being able to love. that’s my story and i am sticking to it!!! peace!!

  6. HA! See, I’m not the only on who notices it!

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