Archive for September, 2009

Yo Ho Yo Ho it’s a pirates life for me.

Posted in Barlife, General Life, River with tags , , on September 30, 2009 by theerivs

sexy_pirate_costume_brownOk since I’m back, despite the fact  Mike tried to turn my blog into the Playboy of blogs, Interesting articles with hot babes on it.  Though I’m here to take it back.

I went to Disney World this past weekend to celebrate my companies 20th anniversery. The owner took all the full time employees down there, and spent quite of bit of money on us.

We stayed at the Disney Beach Club, let me tell the room was really nice. It was like taking a trip back to the old hotels of yesteryear. I had a balcony with a wonderful view of the…..other side of the hotel. Oh well. It was damn hot out in Florida, damn humid too.

Friday I just rested, went out to lunch at a place. Big River’s Brewery, I was like wtf I wan’t a bar named Big River’s they stole my name. Oh well I took a few pictures of me in front of the sign. That night was a nice dinner with the company, and open bar. The whole company sang Happy Birthday to me, a little embarrassing.  Oh dear open bar. Yes I drank alot. Then we went to a dance club near the hotel. I asked for a shot of Jack Daniels, it was like 3 shots worth of Jack. At one point I remembered dancing with an older lady, she was my bosses cousin. She had to be 60 if not older. But she looked kinda good for her age. So after dirty dancing with her, I kinda lost track of the night. I know at some point I was humping a giant globe at the Hotel. I think there’s a pic too.

I woke up, kind of early on Saturday, 9am feeling quite good. Being the movie freak that I am I decided on going to the Hollywood Studios. Disney’s version of Universial.  Upon entering I heard the Superman theme I was like…”Oh it’s on!”  It was kind of cool, a Star Wars ride, and Indiana Jones Stunt Show.   The ride though that I absolutely loved was the Hollywood Tower of Terror. The ride is Twilight Zone based, and you hop on the ride your given a little show which was pretty cool, but the coolest thing was they drop you 13 floors, not just once, but a few times.  I swear I was screaming like a little bitch on this ride. Good thing I just took a piss before the ride, or I think I would of wet myself.

That night we went to a special showing of Epcot Illumnations show, yet again open bar. It started pouring rain, no matter I had 2 drinks in my hand the whole time.  After a change of clothes, we went to the hotel bar. The owner was passing out tequila shots like it was going out of style. After that closed at midnight, we went to the dance club again. I kind of lost track of myself then, after this the owner, his brother, one coworker, and a few girls went to my room to drink. I brought a few bottles of booze with me.  Well the next thing I know I was waking up on the couch of my hotel room at 7am, everyone was gone. I still being drunk, I crawled to my bed to sleep it off. I woke up at noon, still not 100% sober. I also came to realize I left my Credit Card at the Dance Club.

Sunday not feeling all that good I decided to go somewhere nice, and easy. Disney World’s Magic Kingdom. First though I had to track down my Credit Card. The Dance Club was closed, I knocked on the front door, nothing.  So I decided to walk around the building see if anyone is there. I found the back door open, I walked in. After shouting Hello for some time, no one replying. I decided to leave. I did not want to get arrested at Disney. So off to the Magic Kingdom, I really am a kid at heart, and my favorite ride the Haunted Mansion was still cool. Though they changed the other ride I love to match the movies, the Pirates of the Carribean, I still enjoyed it.  There were some rides they changed to my chagrin, but I guess you have to change some things, but it’s not always for the better. For example they changed the Tiki Room, but the show sucked compared to the old show. So change is good, sometimes if that change is for the better.  After I returned I went back to the Dance Club, I walked into a private party, it looked like a wedding.  The people there said I should check with lost and found. The rest of Sunday night I just relaxed to get ready for my ordeal to come home. 

Monday, I spent most of it tracking down my credit card, I found it though. Then it was off back home. The plane had some rough turbulence, real rough people were praying, babies screaming, couples holding each other in fear…me I was smiling. It was like another ride. Then I had a nice dinner with this Jenny I knew, she wanted to take me out for dinner for my birthday which was really nice.

Tuesday was just a rest day, and laundry day.

So there you have it, my weekend. I’ll put any interesting pics up for you.  Overall a wonderful birthday weekend, but I’m looking forward to celebrating my birthday with my friends this Saturday.

Tales from the Bighouse (Good Guy Edition)

Posted in Uncategorized on September 29, 2009 by Mike

As everyone is aware, River lived a past life full of lying, cheating, and stealing.  He was the worm that was eating at the core of our great society!  I, however, choose a different, and all more noble path.

You can't get any nobler than this!

You can't get any nobler than this!

While I was in the United States Air Force, I served proudly as a Military Policeman.  During my time in, I saw many a scum like River brought to justice.  When I became  a civilian, I began working at the Missoula Police Department in Montana.  Again, I witnessed the many of the low lights of the human condition.  People would come to me with their stories of abuse and crimes of passion.  However, one event stands out as one of the dumbest things someone could do.  It was a Saturday morning, and everything was pretty quiet.  Then, some lady comes in to the station and starts telling me about how she was in some wooded area outside of town with her kids.  There, she said she had found a suspicious looking device with wires sticking out.  9-11 was only a year or so out of people’s minds, so people were still on “alert” you could say.  By alert, I mean that anyone with a dark complexion was “suspicious.”  Racism aside, this woman tells me that she has brought the device from the secluded wooded area into town!  Where is it now?  Of course, its in her car outside!  I asked her, “If you think it’s a bomb, why did you pick it up, bring it into town, let alone even touch the damn thing?”  She felt pretty stupid, and deservingly so.  Anyway, that is but one of the many things I witnessed on the right side of the law.

Monday Hangover (Funky Cold Medina Edition)

Posted in Uncategorized on September 28, 2009 by Mike

Hi ho! As River is still away playing with giant talking mice, I am here to regale you all with my weekend in review.  Off we go! Friday!  I started out by having 1 Irish Car Bomb, 1 sake bomb, 1 Jager Bomb, and washed them all down with a nice cool glass of Iactuallydidntdrinkanyofthatshit.

Off to the House of Rock where they were having an Art in the Raw show.  Human bodies were the canvases and needless to say, it was easily the sexiest artwork I had ever seen before.

Even sexier than this.

Even sexier than this.

Saturday!  It was off to BayFest 2009.  The festivities included carnival rides, food, games, and music.  We took in several performances which included:  Vertical Horizon, Young M.C., Tone Loc, and Coolio.  My highest praise went out to VH and Mr. Loc as they really put on a good show.  Let’s do it!

Sunday!  There was football and more football with a sprinkle of disc golf thrown in for good measure.  I slept in, prepared my fantasy football roster, and watched a lot of football.  Some disappointments, but overall, I was pleased with my team’s performance.  Giants also dominated the hapless Bucs, hell yeah!  I also, went to a new disc golf course.  Interesting one, but had a lot of mosquitoes so my legs got eaten up.  With a little deet, that place has got some potential though.

Inner Monologue of Jax from Sons of Anarchy

Posted in Uncategorized on September 25, 2009 by Mike

Oh yeah, last night was fucking awesome.  Went to the wrap party at the porn studio we are protecting……..from Tom Arnold!  Yeah, I know that doesn’t make any fucking sense.   Anyway, its skanky bitches galore and every last one of them wanting a piece of me.  Oh, then that doctor babe I’ve been tagging came as well.  She got into it with one of the stars but afterward, we went to banging in the nearest restroom.  It was pretty hot. Not the sex, that was pretty uneventful.  That bitch didn’t even break from that mannequin stare that is permanently attached to her face.  I mean it was literally hot, like they need to put a fucking air conditioner in there.  Perhaps even clean urine off the floor cause it smelled like shit in that hole.

I'm every single mother's wet dream.

I'm every single mother's wet dream.

Not sure what I’m going to do today.  Maybe, I’ll go buy a Slurpee at the gas station and flirt with the teller.  I know she wants me.  After all, I have no job, no prospects, AND I’m essentially a single father to a crack baby.  Wait, maybe that isn’t such a good idea.  I think Clay will give me a hard time about responsibility again.  Dammit, can I never earn that man’s respect?  I realize the only reason I am VP of this biker gang is because the leader is plowing my moms.  Being the coach’s son isn’t all its cracked up to be.

Guess I’ll get out of bed now and walk to the can.  This isn’t a power walk, I just have to take a massive dump.

Photo Friday

Posted in Uncategorized on September 25, 2009 by Mike
Besides looking so god damn sexy for a living, I hear she also a pretty good singer.

Besides looking so god damn sexy for a living, I hear she sings as well.

Vacation Mode

Posted in General Life with tags on September 24, 2009 by theerivs

Amy%20SmartI am at work, but no work is getting done today that’s for sure.  Go figure people hassling me to do shite for them. Bah.

I saw Crank 2, that’s the wierdest action film I ever saw…but ya know I kind of liked it. Over the top, with a little humor. Amy Smart. Oh my god I love her.

Anyway I’m outta here. I’ll be back Wendesday. Mike the blog is yours if you want to post stuff. 😛

Peas Out!

So little to do, so much time.

Posted in General Life with tags on September 23, 2009 by theerivs

Scratch that, reverse it. Ahh Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka, the only TRUE Willy Wonka in my book.

Well I got alot of stuff to do. There is a formal party so I  just brought my dress shirt to  the cleaners to get pressed (Yeah I’m lazy). I was shocked my usual cleaners is closed up, which makes me a little sad. Trying a new cleaners. See how they do.

Gotta stop at the Clothing Store today to pick up another shirt I ordered, book store to get something to read, drug store to get sundries. Then go get my luggage from the basement.

Tomorrow, I have to print all the paper work, and then pack. Make sure I’m up on Friday morning at 3am. Flight is at 7am, so I want to be there by 5am. 

It sure takes alot of work, just to go on vacation.

Florida Agenda

Posted in Barlife, General Life on September 22, 2009 by theerivs


 1. Find a liquor store. Load up on booze and stuff.

 2 .Goto Work’s Free Friday Dinner, then after the party invite everyone back to my room for the after party.

 3.Wake up on my bed, with 3 of my coworkers naked, and only 2 of them are girls. Make sure there were no photos.


 1.Go to Epcot.

 2. On Planet Earth, when their describing History scream, “BULLSHIT!”

 3. When I see the Dinosaur ride scream, “GODZILLA!”

 4. Piss in every country in the World Showcase, on the Landmarks. 

 5. Go to a Disney Bar, Tell them I’m VIP, I’m with Goofy.

 6. Hit an Orlando Bar!

 7. Find a Hot Cuban Chick, see if she wants Citizenship for sexual favors.

 8. Pass out in a pile of my own puke.


1. Kick the ho I hooked up with out of the room.

2. Wonder how i got the tattoo of the Incredible Hulk naked on my back.

3.Get an annulment from the Hot Cuban Chick

4. Head to Disney

5. Call the Princesses Hookers, and Tell the little kids Mickey is a douchebag.

6. Piss in the water on the Ride, “It’s a small, small world” 

7. Evade Security by hopping into the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, realize that the Rum is not real, and leave in disgust.

8. Go back downtown to an Orlando Bar, drink until I pass out. 



1.See the Judge to tell him why I was in the Sheep Pen at the Zoo.

2. Say goodbye to my new girlfriend Tanica who has kind of a large adams apple, and can palm a basketball

3. Fly Home in utter disgust, and shame



Pray to God for the sins I committed in Florida.

Monday Hangover

Posted in Barlife, General Life, Pure Insanity, River with tags on September 21, 2009 by theerivs

Well to say I was a good boy this weekend would be an out and out lie. I was good Friday and Saturday. Staying in, helping mom, fixing an old friend of the family’s computer. Which on a side note, he is a little bit of a religious zealot, so I wore an Iron Maiden shirt just to aggravate. Nothing like passive-aggressive resistance.

Sunday…well, sunday not so much. Started drinking about 2pm. I think I drank a half bottle of Capt. Morgans even before the game. I was feeling good. Watched the game at my usual haunt. 25 dollars all you can drink, and eat.  This is my heaven. With Da Bears winning, spriits were high, and I was drunk.  I’m sure I made an ass of myself to some Jenny’s at the bar. Then me and Jackass went to Teehans for our Irish Car Bomb. Then proceeded to Durbins. To really get my drink on, then went back to Teehans for another Car Bomb, made an ass out of myself with some more girls. Then to Hollstiens again. Me and Jackass were the only ones in the bar, we had a dance off. Then back to Teehans, then finally Durbins again.

I crawled in at 1am.  When I woke up today, I thought I was still drunk…..

Thank God It’s Photo Friday!

Posted in Uncategorized on September 18, 2009 by Mike
Something very trashy but very sexy about all this.

Something very trashy but very sexy about all this.