Archive for November, 2009

Monday Hangover Super Size

Posted in General Life with tags on November 30, 2009 by theerivs

A Looongg Weekend means lots of Drunkeness.

Wednesday or Black Wendesday as they call it. A friend of mine had a house warming/Black Wendesday Party. It was a great time. I drank a bit, the Food was good.  I got my friend a Slap Chop.  I love the infomercial for that. When he says, “You’ll love my nuts.”  it’s priceless.  There was a girl, one of my friends cousins,  there that I was aggravating, she was funny and played along. It was a nice place, and I’m proud of my friend.

Thursday, Thanksgiving, was a day filled with familia duty. I drove my Grandparents to my Fathers house, spent a few hours there and had dinner. I then drove them home. I then spent a couple hours with my Stepdad in the Nursing home. After that I met a bunch of my friends up at JWH for a few drinks. The highlight of that evening is I heard #1 asking someone if they every used Conditioner to masturbate. I never heard of such a thing, so I took an impromptu poll amongst our guy friends. Yea Conditioner is not something most of us never used. Then again there’s menthol in my conditioner..that might sting a tosh.

Friday stayed in and relaxed.

Saturday was an odd day indeed at the bars. I started at Jackass’s place, his girlfriend was there, and a few of her friends. At some point Jackass disappeared, and reappeared with his girlfriends track suit on. I wish I could show a picture, it’s beyond words. Best way to describe it is he looked like a gay 70’s rollerskater. They were all drunk, and it looked like they were about to crash. So I decided to make my exit, and hit the bars. I went to JWH, At one point of the evening I went outside to look for someone, I saw a cute blonde. I asked, “He where are you going?” She replied, “I’m going to my sisters.”  “Well how about one last shot before you go?”  I said. To my surprise she said yes. I bought her a shot, and we talked a little she asked me what I did, I said well it would be easier if I gave her a business card. Ok pretentious on my part, but i got like 2000 of them, I have to hand’em out sometime. Anyway we continued to talk, and then she said, “I really have to go, give me a kiss. ”  I was like in a form of shock, so I planted one on her lips. Then she left. The kiss sucked on my part, no passion in it. I was kicking myself afterward. I should of layed a good kiss on her, but I think I was like a deer caught in headlights.

 Later that evening I’m standing outside of Teehans, my back facing the street. Then a friend who was looking on the street goes, “Look at this idiot, and the outfit he has on.” Without even turning around I knew…Jackass. He progressed to hit the bars with this outfit. People were just in shock. I was just laughing so hard at peoples reactions it was just hilarious.

Sunday, We were at it again me and Jackass for the Bears all you can drink special. The Bears suck, but at least I get to eat, drink, and enjoy my friends company. Jackass was in rare form, putting pizza in his pants. Doing the worm, and breakdancing. Kissing strangers, and ripping on them in a funny way. Like he would go to a guy we hardly know, “Hey, touch my penis”  when the guy didn’t he would go, “What’s your problem, are you gay?” 

I left little before 8pm, #1 called me out again to go drinking with her friends, but at that time. I had my fill of booze. I needed sleep, and to condition my pubes so they were nice and soft for work.

 

What I’m thankful for…

Posted in General Life with tags on November 25, 2009 by theerivs

I’m thankful for a great many things.

My family who is the wellspring of what, and who I am.

My friends who keep my life interesting, and fun.

My health, though It is not the best, I am still able to see, hear, walk, eat, and live a life that is still full of quality, some people can’t even say that.

My job, it’s pretty cool, they respect me, and I like to think I give them 110%.

Last but never least, for the people that read all my blogs you keep me inspired, and I hope I entertain you, and make you think once in awhile.

For my friends and those in the military, keeping America free.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, have a happy and safe one.

I get a little..goofy this time of year.

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, My demons, River with tags on November 24, 2009 by theerivs

The holidays are coming, some people dread it, or sometimes down right I hate it. Thanksgiving I love because it’s a time to be thankful, and look back on your life at all you do have to be thankful for. Looking at your glass and see that it is indeed half full instead of half empty.

Christmas I love because I love giving, I love getting people gifts, either goofy or something they can use.  I like to think I’m a generous person, and on Christmas I go into overload. I give to it hurts literally. I try to buy everyone a little something. even if it’s a little 5 dollar Starbucks gift card. To me Christmas is really a wonderful time of year.

New Years….well thats a different story. New Years I use to work in the Bars most of my life so this holiday is a little tainted, also I get a little down around New Years, a Christmas decompression, and the thought another year is gone. It’s like watching sands of an hourglass go by. So I get a little goofy, I may become a hermit for a few weeks, or drink ALOT, it all depends but two times a year kind of put me in a tailspin my birthday, and New Years both represent me getting another year older.

Getting old is something that scares the crap out of me. I abhor weakness, and being a burden to anyone. When you get older that’s the inevitable truth. As I get older too the window of opportunity to reach my dreams and aspirations slowly closes.

So if I act a little goofy around New Years, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Monday Hangover

Posted in General Life, River with tags on November 23, 2009 by theerivs

Friday I went out for a bit with this girl I know, and met up with my cousin White Chocolate, The Wolf, and Doodlebug. I always have a good time when I hook up with them. I have to laugh though we Cavelle’s are way too generous, when my cousin and me get together it’s like a battle to pay for drinks. So I choose my battles wisely and slip in a round of shots here and there. The last round of shots a double UV bomb…OUCH!

Saturday I stayed in, after learning my father was in the hospital. I just didn’t have it in me to go out and have a good time. I talked to him, and he said he was in there just for observation. He said his potassium was really high, and that’s a symptom of your kidneys starting to fail. So they kept him there to lower his potassium.  I saw him Sunday, he looked good. My dad and me are really alike we don’t tell people the whole story regarding our health, we don’t want anyone to worry.  I found out today that my Dad’ potassium was so high, he could of died.

Anywho I saw him on Sunday, at Oak Forest hospital which isn’t that bad compared to some other hospitals. Then it was on to drinking, I started early about 3:30. I’m just so sick of hospitals and my parents falling apart I had a bug up my arse. So I started at Durbins, then went to collect Jackass, and his girlfriend Paparazzi. We then headed to Hollstiens. They had Deep Fried Turkey, WOW it was so good, and the other fixings. Good food, good drink, and good friends. Jackass, Commando, Torino, #1, Nascar, Towelie, Geek Princess, and a bunch more who I don’t have nicknames for. It’s such a pleasure to see them all. Commando’s Dad, and Sister even came out. When Jackass told Commando’s Dad when they hugged that “we’re touching boners” I wonder what her dad thinks of her goofy friends. LOL!.  Hey and Jackass won some Bears tickets. I’m happy for him.  Though the Bears suck this year.  

 

Well though I drank massive amounts, I didn’t get that messed up, and good thing too. I woke to calls our phone system was messed up this fine morning, that would of sucked if I was really drunk.

Woman with a giant wiener in her hands

Posted in Uncategorized on November 23, 2009 by Mike

I'm sure #1's mouth is watering at the site of it.

This is worth living for…

Posted in Uncategorized on November 20, 2009 by Mike

and for that matter, dying for as well.

One of My Dark Secrets.

Posted in General Life, My demons, Philosophy, Pure Insanity, River with tags on November 20, 2009 by theerivs

Ok sorta a bunch of Dark Secrets. I told you I was insane, and I didn’t lie.  Now what I am about to tell you no one really knows the truth but my family.

First off let me begin by saying that I am the type of person who doesn’t like to be a burden to anyone, I would rather die then let someone suffer for my stupidity.

Lets go back many moons ago I was locked in depression, and alone. At this time my health wasn’t good, and there are problems from my health physically making me look bad, so it affected my self-esteem.  This led my gambling demons to spiral out of control, I would be at the boat alot, like almost every other day for copious amount of time…I spent everything I had my rent, my car money.  I lost my best friend to suicide not too long ago, I wanted to join him.

I decided my life wasn’t worth living. In my mind I would end up dead, my legs probably chopped off, connected to some tubes, penniless and just an overall burden to the ones I loved. I sunk to an all time low, and I didn’t want to beg anyone for help. I prepared myself to die.

It was the coldest winter morning that day. I think it was like -10 degrees and worse with wind chill. It was a good day to die. I emailed my suicide letters to my family, and one to the girl I loved. This girl we’ll call Laura. She was going to school at ISU at the time, I loved her, and thought she loved me. Turns out she didn’t though I was hurt, she is not the reason I wanted to die. In fact she was probably the reason I just didn’t take my gun, and blow my brains out right there and then. I had to drive down to ISU that day to tell her it’s not her fault that I am doing this, and that I loved her.

It was a wierd day to say the least. I went down to ISU, she was home. I told her to read my email, she started bawling, and begging me to not to do it. Stay with her, so on and so forth. I walked away while she was crying for me to come back. I then drove to where I wanted to die.

I chose Vogt Woods, it was a happy place of my childhood, Mark 4 playground, Bulldogs field. It being a cold winter day it was a beautiful scene, but now my family pretty much put an APB out for me, looking for me, and calling me relentlessly and frantically. I sat on the bench of Vogt Woods, drinking a bottle of Jack thinking of my life.

Now this is the wierd part, my uncle and cousin actually found me. Call it divine, or call it a lucky hunch. They found me. My Uncle next to my dad is the one man I love, and respect the most. At his command I would pluck my own eyes out. My cousin is like a brother to me. I was stunned.  I told them I was going to do it. My Uncle the man who doesn’t say much, had plenty to say. He begged me no to. He cried, I never seen my Uncle cry ever, but he cried. My cousin too. If they loved me so much, how can I not love myself.  I gave my Uncle the gun, and I sought help.

I spent a few weeks in the mental hospital. They said I could leave in a day or two, but they lied. I was a prisoner. I remember the second night there I was in such a rage it took 6 orderlies to stop me, and drug me up. After I roughed a few up, and tossed a chair at a window, a plastic chair doesn’t break a reinforced window by the way, not the effect I was going after.  Anyway the next morning I woke up, refreshed all the rage spent. I looked out the window and saw all the people going to work on the cold winter day, and thought that must suck. Then it dawned on me. I’m not them. This is my life. I only have one. I want to live it. Over the next few days I would come up with the mantra that is the rock for which holds me firm in a sea of troubles. 

These sayings explain my mantra, or my philosophy.

1. “The worst day above ground, is better than the best day below it” 

I don’t know what will happen when I die, it could be a lake of burning fire, or angels playing harp for all I know. I do know when I’m dead…My life as I know it will cease to be, so I have to take what this life is worth and make the best out of it. To take the worst and savor it, for even at its worst there is some good in life.

2. “I use to complain about having no shoes, until I saw a man with no feet”

It’s kind of like looking at the glass half full, instead of half empty. Ya know in that mental hospital it made me realize I have alot of people who love me, and that would help me regardless of how much of a burden I am. In there I saw a lot of people who didn’t have anyone coming to visit them, but they were still happy playing Uno. I also went to Gamblers Anonymous, man I thought I had gambling problems…shew.  

3.  “To remove suffering you must remove desire”

This is from Zen Buddhist beliefs. Which I firmly believe is my problem, my pain and suffering mentally comes from me WANTING something in my life and not having it. I am always trying to emotional divorce myself from my desire, to live in the moment. To enjoy the sensation of life.   

4. “Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.”

There is  an old saying, “time heals all wounds”, and it does. Problems come, and they go like the rain, but you have to weather the storm.  There’s help out there if you need it. This is one of the greatest countries in the world in that there is help out there, all you have to do is swallow your pride, and ask.

5. “Don’t take your life to seriously, you’ll never get out alive”

Think that’s from a movie, but the point is life is fun, and beautiful you just need to know where to look. I love to “people watch”, wondering what amazing things must be going on in their heads. It’s amazing, take a look at the miracles around us and quit being so cynical, and jaded. All this life going on around me, how can I take part. How can I enrich my life, by enriching someone elses, which leads into my last point.

6. “It’s not about me”

Ever go to a funeral, and see how many lives this person effected and get amazed. Your life is like a pebble thrown into a still pond. The rings of the wake resonant outward affecting everything. Sort of like in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”  If George Bailey wasn’t there, he couldn’t of saved his brother from drowning, thus his brother could have saved some other people.  

7. “They are all perfect”

In the movie the Last Samurai, A Samurai said, “A man could spend a life looking for the perfect cherry blossom, and it would be a life not wasted”, when he died he came to realize they we’re all perfect. That’s the point we tend to look for perfection, but in reality there’s alot of perfection around us, and we are just blind to it.

8. “How can I care about someone who doesn’t care about themeselves, how can I love someone who doesn’t love themeselves”

An ex-girlfriend, who I really hurt with my stupidity said this to me, and she was absolutely right. You have to love, and care about yourself. When people see that, they will want to be a part of your life. Make goals, and stick to them, even if you have to beg, borrow, or steal to get them.

9. ‎”There is seldom any rational reason for having regrets about past deeds or events. Because the past does not exist in any way other than in your memory.”

I am in no history books, that I know of, so who is torturing me over my past deeds, but me.  I can’t change the past, so why relive it. Learn from your past, don’t dwell in it.

Why am I writing this, cause someone close to me is battling depression in their family, and I know it’s rough. I dragged my family through it. When shit is really bad, when my disease hits me, and I’m shaking in my bed from fever, and my leg blows up the size of an elephants, I’m in so much pain, I’m almost snorting Vicodins. I wonder if I should have pulled the trigger so long ago, nothing really has changed. I am still a genetic mess, I still don’t have much money, I am still alone.

Then I know, I’m glad I didn’t. Cause if I did pull that trigger, I would of never had a wonderful time living with my Uncle, Aunt, and Cousins. I would of never learned, “It’s called Responsibility Asshole” or the times we never rolled on Shabbos. I wouldn’t of met such wonderful people like #1, Jackass, Mike D, Nascar, Towelie, RJ, Commando, Torino, Young Frankeinstein, Ricky Bobby, All the rest of the people who I have laughed with, and enjoyed life with since that day.  If I pulled that trigger, I wouldn’t have the awesome job I have now. I wouldn’t have been there for my Mom in her time of need, I wouldn’t have been there for some Awesome Block Party’s laughing it up with my friends. The list goes on and on of what I would have missed if I pulled that trigger. So I’m not going to lie, life sucks, but if you check out now….what will you miss?

If you are contemplating suicide I ask you to go seek help. It’s a selfish act, the pain you would cause by your death is more than you will ever imagine. I know I’ve been on both sides of the fence. Suicide is the cowards way out, it’s alot tougher to live and deal with your problems, then to off yourself. I have gained alot of respect for those who endure, then those who don’t.  If you ever want someone to talk about, I don’t care if you’re a long time friend, or a person just coming across this blog. you can anonymously email me at cc0926 (at) gmail.com  My door is always open, I’ve been to prison, mental institute, and I’ve been to college. I’ve been around the block so there is nothing that will toss me a curve ball, if you don’t talk to me. I don’t care who you get help from, but I urge you to swallow your false pride, seek some sort of help. 

My brother called me crazy one day, I told him no I’m not. because of my stay with the state mental institute, I got papers saying that I am sane….does he?