Is it better to be loved or feared?

I use to think to be feared was the way to go. I acted accordingly, I hardly smiled. I was blunt, I was harsh. Whenever I heard a story about me kicking someone’s ass from another person. Like one time I was walking out of Dendrinos and I overheard someone say, “Don’t fuck with that guy I’ve seen him beat the shit out of someone at Blue Iguana”  That kind of stuff gave me warm fuzzies.

As I grow older, I have mellowed out a bit. Sure there are some remnants of the Old River in there, and sometime he busts loose. I started to wonder is it better to be loved?

I remember in Conan the Barbarian movie (Yes another Conan reference. Piss off), James Earl Jones asks Conan, “What is the riddle of steel?”  James then calls to one of his servants, in a soothing voice, “Come to me my child.” She then jumps to her death, because she loves James, and wants to please him. That’s when he proclaims, “That is the answer, Steel is only as strong as the hand that wields it”

But how does one come around to being loved, or at the very least liked? These are just some life lessons I have learned on how I can be more likable, and it seems to be working so far.  

1. Manners – They are the mortar of society. Manners isn’t just about how you sit, or which fork you use. I always try to be polite. to strangers, and people I know. Sure with my friends I am comfortable with and kid around, but when it comes down to it I try to follow these simple rules. 

These are just some examples of the rules I follow.         

                  a. Say Please, and Thank you – A few extra words go a long way.

                  b. My Grandma told me that when your invited to someones house, you should bring something like a bottle of wine, and candy. Only time i don’t is when I have to do work for them, like fixing their computer. Then it’s business.  

                  c. Hold doors for people, especially women.

2. Listen – Take an interest in someone’s life. Ask them how they are doing. Really listen to their problems. You don’t have to find solutions, just be an ear for them to bounce ideas off of. Be careful offering advice though, cause what works for you may not work for them.

3. Be Generous –  Not just with your money, but your time. Sometimes I’m too generous with my money, and I should save it.  There’s a saying though, “You can’t take it with you”  So if the shot I buy you, or the gift I buy you brings a smile to your face. That memory is worth more than gold.  As for time, I do have alot of things on my plate, but I try to make time for my friends. For instance I have several parties to go to on Saturday, instead of blowing off one of them, I’ll stop by both.  

4. Smile, and Laugh  – Back in the day, I had fucked up teeth which effected my self-esteem so i didn’t want to smile or laugh as much, Even though I still have fucked up teeth, I had some work done on them, and now they aren’t as fucked up before.  I feel though if you laugh and smile people will join in.

3. Modesty – No one cares really how smart you are, or what your accolades are. There’s an old saying, “Only a Jackass brays.” Meaning if you’re spouting off, people look down on that, like you have either something to prove, or you look down on them.

5. Open up – I feel people need to be let in so they get to know the real you.  They feel a connection with you, then they are more apt to have feelings for you.

6. Don’t complain – NO ONE LIKES A COMPLAINER! You whine and complain all the time your gonna be a lonely guy or gal. Listen we ALL have problems, we all have rough patches in our life. Sure get it out if you must, but if you start beating a dead horse, people gonna get sick of you real quick.

7. Love yourself – I said it once, and I’ll say it a million times. If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you.


2 Responses to “Is it better to be loved or feared?”

  1. Interesting post. However, I don’t see the answer as you do, at least, not completely. I have found, that sometimes, regardless of what you do or how you act, you just aren’t going to be liked by some people let alone loved.

    • True, and your not going to be feared by everyone either. I am just saying it seems now in my advanced age i see which is better more clearly.

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