Tales of a Drunken Fool

One night I was bouncing, and we were slow so they let me go early. It was a nice spring day, Jackass said let’s go back to his crib and ride the scooter. I was drunk enough to agree. So me Jackass, Worm, and Jackasses roommate at the time went back to their crib. It was this little kid’s two wheel scooter with a motor on it, to ride it you stand on this skateboard scooter thing, and hold the handles.

Well being the drunk I was I hop on it, and I get going real fast, I lost my balance. I go flying…both my shoes pop off, and I land on my back. Everyone was cracking up.

Then while Jackass’s roommate was riding it, Worm went to get a beer, but dropped his smoke right near my ass. I farted so loud right in Worms face Jackass swears he saw Worms face vibrate. I couldn’t time it any more perfect. Poor Worm just fell to the ground, while we all just laughed our asses off.

Then Jackass had the bright idea to jump me with the scooter, so we build a ramshackle ramp, and I lie on the ground next to the ramp. Jackass revs up the scooter, and goes full steam towards the ramp, he hits the ramp perfect. Oh wait, my stomach is sticking up above the edge of the ramp. The Scooter hits my stomach, Jackass goes flying, my stomach hurts like a mother. 

So I drank more to numb the pain, and I had a tire shaped bruise on my stomach for about a week after that….Stoopid Whiskey!


2 Responses to “Tales of a Drunken Fool”

  1. When I read that a smoke fell by your ass and a fart happened, I was fully expecting the next line to contain “Worm lost an eyebrow to the flames.”

    Thanks for sharing, I needed a laugh this morning! 🙂

  2. Sharing past blogs with new readers? You wrote about this before. It must have been a profound experience in your life or something. HAHAHA! Love ya Riv!

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