Archive for March, 2010

My Mother!

Posted in General Life on March 31, 2010 by theerivs

I love my Mother so much, I want to put her in a home to protect her…from me. Last couple days she been getting on my very last nerve. My Mother has an awesome skill, she can wield guilt like a battle axe, crushing all that oppose her.

My Father asked me a week ago, to drive my 88 year old Grandmother to his house for Easter. No problem Dad.  So Yesterday I look into our fridge and see 2 large hams, and bunch of other food, and I was like, “What’s this for?”  Her reply, “Well I’m making it for whoever wants to come over for Easter, even if I have to eat it myself.”  She keeps dropping these little comments, like “Going to be alone for Easter”, and other Woe is me shit. I know my mom is having a hard go with it, I’m not stupid. But listening to it is really getting to me.

Listen, for the record I hate Holidays, ever since my parents got divorced it’s like some struggle of guilt. Hell I don’t even want to celebrate Holidays anymore they beat me to the ground already with guilt. Tell you the truth, the best holiday I had is when I told everyone I was working, sequestered myself in my little apartment, ordered a turkey dinner to go from a local greek restaurant, and just chilled out watched movies all day.  

So I got Good Friday off, It’s supposed to be nice. We got a daytime nurse..So I figured I would go golfing with my friends. I’m really looking forward to it. My Mom asks me today, “Are you off Friday?” Now you know my apprehension of this, I had a big eternal battle. I endeavor not to lie, so I told the truth. “No I have off, but I have plans. I’m going golfing with my friends”  Her reply, “Oh well if anything happens, I’ll just call 911”  I almost lost it. I just said goodbye.

I hate to complain, and whine. It’s not me, but I need to vent somewhere…that’s why I have this blog.  So I don’t blow up at my Mom, and tell her to go get bent.  I will do what I have to do, that’s who I am, and I will do it without complaint. It just pisses me off to no end, that I tow the line, while the man’s own daughter doesn’t even so much as call the guy in the last 3 months. I want to scream at her she’s a piece of fucking shit.

People say drinking cuts years off your life, It’s not cutting enough…I may take up smoking.

2 Years ago I started blogging

Posted in General Life, River with tags on March 30, 2010 by theerivs

Officially this blog has been around for 2 years… Some Stats for you.

Total Views : 47,473

Posts:  348 Posts

Comments: 2,530

Special thanks to Nora, who got me into this blogging crap….Now I’m trapped thanks alot. LOL!

I wanted to especially thank #1 and Mike, they been here since the beginning and they both continue to challenge me, and call me out on my bullshit.

I would also like to thank my friends, Jackass, Commando, Torino, Nascar, Towelie, and any one else who comes to visit, share in my adventures, and make my life a truly enriches life.

Last but never least the rest of the readers who stop by and read my crap.

Edit- Scarybooster is ok too….I guess. How can I ever forget my cousin White Chocalate, the man who I go to when I need my balls x-rayed. My bad. Anyone else I forgot, sorry. You gotta wait until next year.

What? Are we fucking?

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, River with tags , on March 30, 2010 by theerivs

When a girl asks me what I’m doing, or where I am going, the usual response is “What? Are we fucking?”  From all accounts girls hate that reply. A girl recently called me to task on it. She asked me what I was doing the rest of the day, and I replied my usual reply, she then said, “For a person whose business is all displayed on Facebook, and the Internet. Why do you care if you tell me what you’re doing, when I’ll probably find out on Facebook later by your goofy pictures.”

I thought on this for a moment, and she was right. I am a pretty open person. So why the hell should I care if I tell women what I’m doing, or where I went.

I think it has to do with some factors.

1. I have control issues. – Women love to change a dude, that’s why they hook up with some of us. They love projects. A man has a relationship with a woman hoping she doesn’t change, a woman has a relationship with a man hoping he will change. Women see the potential in men. I on the hand feel I am the master of my own fate, so letting this woman know where and what I do, I feel it may give them some measure of control, like they will influence my decision somehow.

2. Remnants of an old me – I use to be not so open, and there is a part of me that is still very private. Also I get a defensive twinge when asked where/what I’m doing because back in the day when I was a degenerate gambler I would go to the boat, and when people asked me what I was doing I would pretty much tell them it was none of their business.

3. Conditioning – Since I could remember my brother would do this, “So what are you doing today? ” When I replied nothing, he would then ask him to do him a favor. So instead of answering peoples questions of what and where I’m going, I give either vague answers, or not answer at all.  So when people ask me what I’m doing, I kind of am not trusting of what they are going to ask me next.

4. Aggravation – Women in general are nosy creatures, and I like aggravating them. They want to know the where’s, the what’s, the how’s, and so on. I do love to aggravate.

This actual statement evolved, I use to say “What are you my girlfriend?” then over the years I’ve just grown to not care what leaves my mouth, but I do love the witty girls who reply to that statement something good, like “With that attitude we’re not gonna”  Those are the type of girls I like to hang around.

Monday Hangover

Posted in General Life with tags on March 29, 2010 by theerivs

Well Friday I was a good boy, stayed in and chillaxed.

Saturday I went out for a bit. There was a benefit for a real nice girl who had a bad accident, sadly I could not go due to parental obligations, I went up afterwards though I saw #1, and Kid and we had a few laughs. I kind of missed the rest of my friends. I was a bit rude to OCD, she was shitfaced, she asked me for a ride. I knew what would happened, she would of gotten really drunk, then I would of have to babysit. I wasn’t in the mood to babysit. So I told her No, not in too kind of a way, I know she reads this, so I apologize. I did my thing. Went to Teehans, and Durbs after Holstiens. It was nice.

Sunday – Went to my Grandma’s and enjoyed a nice meal there. This one bartender called me out to Durbins, I was like ok just a couple. She’s a cool chick, and always have fun talking to her, so after a few there. I went and checked out Hot Tub Time Machine, funny movie. I liked it alot. After the movie got a bug up my ass, and decided to go out for another drink, well while I was at Teehans, I was about to take off, in walks a girl I have kind of a crush on. She goes, ” Stay River, I’ll buy you a drink”

I ended up closing Teehans. and I’m paying for it right now.

Shameless Plug

Posted in Art of Man, General Life with tags on March 29, 2010 by theerivs

For my boy Tod, he’s fricking cracks me up. His new video.

Big Ball/Little Ball Theory

Posted in General Life with tags , , on March 25, 2010 by theerivs

Since Mike didn’t post stuff today, You get to hear my Big Ball/Little Ball Theory, I posted it FB, might as well share it with the world. 

You take a Big Ball, It’s pretty big right? Now place that ball next to a bigger ball. That first ball doesn’t seem as big. In relation to this, you take my penis put in on a normal sized man, it’s fricking HUGE!

But Scary’s right about one thing. My BALLS ARE HUGE…LOL!

Little bit of a funk

Posted in General Life with tags on March 24, 2010 by theerivs

To be honest, I’m in a little bit of a funk. My Mom is getting frustrated, and I think losing it a bit. I don’t blame her she feels guilty, and I think she bit off more then she can chew. Seems like she’s not sleeping well, and she just seems really depressed. She hired a nurse for some more evenings. She doesn’t have that kind of money, thats why I moved in. I think she ceased to care, she just needs a break. She says it’s to afford me a life so I can go out, but I told her I don’t give a shit. I signed on for the long haul. Sure having these nurses around gives me more freedom, and I should be thankful, but I worry too much. I see my Mom running out of money, and then scrambling.  Though I am more like my father, where my brother, and mother buy Ruffles..I tend to buy the generic.

There’s no use argueing with my Mom, she’s going to do what she wants to. I was going to argue my point, and tell her not to waste her money, but I am seeing chinks in her armor. So I decided to let it go. I just say “Whatever you think is best mother, and leave it at that.”

It just got me in a bit of funk about the whole situation.  I think I’m gonna take off blogging here for a long weekend, and recharge my creative juices for a bit.

Talk amongst yourselves for a bit.

I kissed a girl!

Posted in General Life with tags on March 23, 2010 by theerivs

And I think I liked it.

Jackass’s ex-girlfriend was a friend of mine before they were boyfriend and girlfriend.  In fact I joke around with Jackass saying he dated almost every girl on my phone contact list. I’m kind of the a friend to the whole family actually. I think her sister may have a crush on me or something, but that’s a tale for another time.

To say there were no feelings on my end would be a blatant lie, but I was always above-board with Jackass. 

Friday I got pretty plastered, she was pretty much drunk too. We made out a little on the dance floor. I know I’m a whore, but I felt kind of bad. I apologized to Jackass, he seemed not to give a shit. He’s a great guy, I just felt bad.

I’m sure it was just a moments indiscretion on both our parts, but it still doesn’t stop me from feeling kind of like a heel.  If it wasn’t indiscretion on her part, I really don’t know what to do.

Monday Hangover

Posted in Art of Man, Barlife, General Life with tags on March 22, 2010 by theerivs

Friday – The Cougar Party as I like to call it. It was a party filled with beautiful cool closing in on middle age chicks. So I wore my “Cougar Bait” shirt.  Here’s the thing about these women I dig, they know how to have a good time. I wish I could fill you in on some of the stuff, but I don’t know if it’s safe for work. This blonde girl that hangs around sometimes, who I am from now going to call V-girl, V for Vagina.  So V-girl was there, The Main Cougar herself, and #1. I think I asked V-girl out to dinner at some point during the night, god I wish I could remember if she said yes or no. Cougar, and V-girl are really cool chicks, it be interesting to get to know them better, then just through facebook, and through our mediator #1.

Speaking of #1, Holy shit did she get drunk. Usually #1 doesn’t have much of a check valve to what she says, but when she’s drunk, there is absolutely nothing she won’t say…or do. At some point, Me, Jackass, and Kid all had our hands in her cleavage. Gotta say not bad. LOL! .Her french toast is still shitty.

I also feel bad, I made out a little with my boy’s jackass ex girlfriend. I was drunk, it just happened. I apologized, he said he was cool with it. It still wasn’t cool with me. Stoopid Whiskey.

Saturday – Was my good friends Talladega’s Bday. Man he turned 30, I remember when I turned 30…ok not really the day, cause I was drunk as a motherfooker. How time just flys by. White Chocalate came out with the Wolf too. I left a little early because 191 though it’s ok, I don’t feel comfortable there, also there was a chick I wanted to see at Teehaans. I admit I have a tall crush on her, we flirt, and stuff. I should ask her out, but it’s not that I’m afraid if she said no, I’m more afraid if she said yes.

Ah my cousin White Chocalate, when we get together it’s like a battle of generosity. He’s a good man, and I am very appreciative of all he does for me. He just cracks me up though. We were at Olympic Star, and as we were walking out, there was a few women in the foyer. WC goes, “Later Bitches”  Holy crap one of the girls snaps, and snaps hard. Yelling and screaming at him. She mentioned a small penis, and hairy ass. WRONG THING TO DO. Yep cousin drops his trousers for a bit of show and tell.  The greatest thing is when she goes, “YOU MOTHERFUCKER CALLED ME A BITCH!” My cousin very calmly said, “I did no such thing, I find the term bitch very offensive.” I almost pissed my pants laughing.

Sunday – I really didn’t do nothing but Jackass called me at 10:30pm with the boys from Teehans yelling at me. He put some of them on the phone, it was funny. I wanted to go out to join them, but I have this thing called a Job. I know it sucks. When I woke up in the morning, I got a call from Jackass at 5:30am. Yeah Jackass was sleeping on his phone.

Pic of the Day

Posted in Art of Man with tags on March 19, 2010 by theerivs

I really have nothing to say, so here’s a pic.