Archive for April, 2010

2 fer Friday

Posted in Art of Man with tags , on April 30, 2010 by theerivs

2 pics for today. Sara Underwood a playmate, and now G4 host did a charity Star Wars themed Car Wash. 

Sibling Rivalry

Posted in General Life with tags on April 29, 2010 by theerivs

Oh I am no angel by any stretch of the imagination, I have this problem…sometimes I seem to be a little uncaring towards others needs, especially emotional.

My brother was going through a rough second divorce, he really loved her. During this he had to get knee surgery, so I had to take him, and provide that emotional support he needed, plus no one else would take his ass. So I got him to the hospital, they were prepping him for surgery. I was sitting in the lobby, I decided to go check out the local bookstore, and get some lunch. Well while I was out galavanting, it seems the doctor was running late, so they asked my brother if there was someone that could go get to keep him company why he waited. My brother said, “Yea, my brother.”  After searching for me, they said I was gone.When my brother got out of surgery, he yelled at me. “Where the fuck were you?” My reply, ” I had lunch, KFC, it was delicious.”  My brother just shook his head, “Your an asshole.”

Other times I was just downright careless. Me and my brother worked at bars, and we had day jobs as well. One day My brother had to go to his day job for a couple hours, and he asked me to watch his kids who were 7, and 6 respectively. He told me if he was running late, the exwife would pick them up at around 2. I said no problemo. So they were sleeping, I was tired, I accidently fell asleep on the couch.

Next thing I know, I woke up it’s middle of the afternoon, I look at the clock. I hear the phone ringing, I go to the phone. “Allo…”  It was my brother, “Hey Chris how you doing?” His tone was odd, something was up, I replied, “Pretty good, Whhhyyy?”  My brother asked back, “How are the kids?”  I had to be honest, “Good question, I don’t see them around, huh?”  My brother retorted, ” THAT’S RIGHT ASSHOLE, THEY GOT LOCKED OUT, AND MY EXWIFE FOUND THEM ON THE STOOP CRYING!!!!”  My only reply, “My bad.”

My Quest for Knowledge

Posted in Art of Man, My demons, Philosophy, Religon on April 28, 2010 by theerivs

Today a couple of friends of mine are going to see a, for lack of a better term, a necromancer, someone who communicates with the dead to garner answers. I wanted to go but couldn’t because of work. Though in my youth I still would have found a way to go. Nowadays things are different. The questions I asked in my youth, perhaps don’t have answers, or worst yet not the answers I seek, or the answers I really want to here.

I hunger for knowledge, like a vampire hungers for blood, this hunger has led me down strange paths, and to odd places of the world.  I have been a devout bible thumper, going to church regularly, to walking graveyards with covens of witches to delve into the unknown.  I have read everything from the Bible, to the Necromicon and everything in between.  For all my knowledge, for all my vast studies of the occult, and metaphysics. I am still in the same place I was before, answerless, and clueless as to what lies beneath in the hereafter.

I believe that our fate is in escapable, always have and in my youth I sought a way to escape it, change it, make my fate better so to speak. Not saying there isn’t a means, but I have not found it yet. Perhaps in my old age I have just resigned myself to whatever fate has instore for me. To that effect there isn’t really nothing this soothsayer can tell me that I really, and truly care about.  I know I’m going to die does it really matter when, I probably will be poor and live paycheck the rest of my life, I am prepared for that, anything else is bonus. The people who have passed I do miss dearly, but I am in no hurry to speak, or hear from them again. Do I care if there is a heaven, or hell. No I don’t care, I have prepared myself for Oblivion. If I knew my fate, could I really change it? I don’t think so.

Bottomline regardless what fate has in store for me, regardless as to what someone else has to say about it, be they necromancer, warlock, or soothsayer. I will face each challenge as it comes, and do the best  I can.

The Power of Words

Posted in General Life, Poetry, River with tags on April 27, 2010 by theerivs

It’s funny how I underestimate the power of words, whether it is the power to help, and uplift someone, or the opposite the power to make someone sad, or hurt someone.

A friend of mine once said “Words have Consequences” She was a wise girl indeed, for I have always known, but never had I had such a great saying about it.

My love of words started off when I was very young, I absorbed everything I could read. I loved stories about wizards, and werewolves. J.R.R Tolkien was one of my early favorites, I think I read the Hobbit so much the book disintergrated. Then as I grew older. My love of the written word grew. I realized the power it had when I took a Poetry class in College, mostly for the chicks, but then came to understand that within this idea of language lays a secret power.

I say ‘Chair’ , a chair is conjured in your brain, I say ‘Red Chair’ a red chair is conjured. To me thats pretty powerful stuff when you think about it. That’s what ancient magicians thought as well. They knew there was a power within words, such as names. They thought if you knew someones full name you could work magics against that person.

To me the greatest joy is when someone says that my words made a positive impact in their life.  It would be a great honor if many years after my death someone looks upon my words, and is still moved by them. That would be the greatest legacy I could leave to this world.

Knowing my luck though, I’ll be remembered for something like, ” Suck my ever loving dick”

Monday Hangover

Posted in Art of Man, General Life with tags on April 26, 2010 by theerivs

Well Friday I was a good boy, stayed in. Did my usual errands for my Mom Friday night because I knew I was going to be gone most of the day Saturday.

Saturday I went to a beer festival in Munster, Indiana. It’s held by 3 Floyd’s brewery. I would link it but I can’t here at work. I went with a couple of real old school friends of mine, Gasser, and Repulsive Man. Their both married, which makes me wonder I got a normal nickname and I’m not damnit. Anywho 3 Floyds make a special brew called Dark Lord only once a year. People were lined up for at least 2 miles to get some.  They went for 15 dollars a bottle which is like a 40oz, I can sell them for 100 bucks next month on Ebay I’m sure.  Dark Lord itself is delicious, hints of chocalate, and caramel in there, so many layers and complexity. Worth every penny if your a beer lover.  It was great, they had home brewers there giving free samples, some other micro brewers there handing out their brews. I started drinking about 1pm, I didn’t finish until 10pm.  It’s nice because I don’t get to see my old friends that much anymore, cause they have kids, and are married. I crashed almost instantly when I got home.  

Sunday met my Uncle at church, and then took him out to breakfast for his birthday. It’s not that I don’t like Church, cause I think the Bible is a wonderful book, that is filled with wisdom. I am firm believer that  Knowledge is always good, it’s how you use it is what matters. It’s just that ALOT of Christians are hypocritical, and just don’t get it.   Then I went out for a few drinks, and hit home about 8pm and crashed again.

Rough this morning though. my boss came out, and helped me install a server, fricking thing weighs a ton. I even broke a sweat. Fricking I’m IT, I should have to break sweats. Pfft.

Photo Friday: Check out her assets!

Posted in Uncategorized on April 23, 2010 by Mike

She's got one helluva portfolio.

And In The Darkness Bind Them.

Posted in Computers, General Life with tags , on April 23, 2010 by theerivs

I have a friend, I call her the Geek Princess. I know alot of Geek Girls, but they are all over the internet, or through twitter. So when I found out this girl liked Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Star Wars, and BSG (Battle Star Galactica). I was in awe, a in the flesh, life geek girl. Well when she invited me over to play Trivial Pursuit Lord of The Rings edition. I was like hell mother fucking yes.

She made dinner, it was pretty good. two friends that can cook- cha-ching… We then got to the business of playing the game. I gotta say I rocked the first game, I dug deep into my vast knowledge of all things Tolkien, and pulled up some answers I didn’t even know I had.

After the win, we played another game. In the midst of the second game, I fricking spilled a glass of wine, and broke a glass. I felt like a huge douchebag. I haven’t done that in a long…long time. In my defense I was really tired I didn’t sleep well the night before. Anywho she kicked my ass the second game, I was totally impressed. She knew the horses names of the Rohirram. I was like whoa. She didn’t know the big statues names though. Argonath Statues is what we we’re looking for.

It’s nice that I have someone to share that aspect of my life with, I usually hide most of my geeky pursuits from my” in the flesh” friends. It’s not that I’m ashamed, I just know they don’t “get” it. That’s ok.  It was also nice to get to know her better, she’s going through a rough patch, I won’t get into it here. Not my place, but I will say this. It’s a shame some guys have such a good thing, but they fail to see it. It saddens me.

So the series is 1-1, and damn it I can’t have that. It’s like kissing your sister. Bottomline I had a good time letting my Geek hang out, and I hope she had a couple laughs, and had a good time as well.

I’m gonna so bring it next time.

Fuck Earth Day

Posted in General Life with tags on April 22, 2010 by theerivs

People all around the country are doing their part to “Save the Earth”  Wait what? Save the Earth. Does the Earth really need saving.  I think it’s really arrogant to say that we are destroying the earth, and I have not seen any real proof we are destroying the Earth. Saying we will destroy the Earth, is on the same level as saying the Sun revolves around the Earth, and that the Earth is the center of the Universe.

1. The Earth has cycles of weather, hell it was covered in Ice at one time of its history before we were even around. So don’t you think the pendulum might swing the other way once in a billion years. Ever see the records for weather temps, weather was whacky way before all this shit started, I remember seeing a high of 70 degrees in the middle of January set in like 1923. So yeah were still around.

2. Alot of this earth day is a scam by greedy people, and corporations to make themselves look good, and take in some cash too. Hey we’re green now. Puhleeze. Al Gore is the largest owner of a thing called Carbon Credits. Don’t know what those are. Do some fricking research, and educate yourself before you blindly follow the pack, you lemming.

3. Even though we try to do our part, the rest of the planet isn’t, most of the offenders are third world countries that if  we tell them to go green, they would tell us to shut the fuck up.

So yeah if you feel better about yourself because you pick up an aluminum can, and put it in a special recycle bin, by all means do so. Me I have no illusions about the human race, and I think we are nothing more than cockroaches of the mammal race, and the universe is our dumpster. If we run out of resources, if we destroy the Earth, we’ll just build a spaceship, and go get someones else’s resources. Adaptability thy name is human.

So when you call me selfish and lazy, I quip back that you are arrogant, and ignorant. This piece of dirt we call Earth was around a long time before I got here, and it’s gonna be around a long ass time after I’m gone.

Drunk Chicks Dig Me.

Posted in General Life with tags on April 21, 2010 by theerivs

I swear I started off with the best intentions, have one or two drinks,  buy a shot for the birthday girl, and head home.  Then the call comes, my friend Jackass taking a half day at work (He works afternoon shift), to come out for this party. That when I knew the fates conspired against me.

1. Jackass is coming out.

2. This party coincides with an event called Ladies nite out, which had vendors for ladies, to buy things, so there would be alot of women up there, and everyone knows I do love Vagina.

3. The Blackhawks were playing, and JWH was having 20 dollar all you can drink special for it.

4. #1’s Birthday

So with all these strikes against me, I should have known I was in for a long night. I knew lot of women were going to be there so I wore my, “I’m not a Gynecologist, but I’ll take a look” Shirt. That’s always a conversation starter.  

 I think what set the pace was Geek Princess rubbing my jeans going, “I got white pants on, baby”  I guess she got something on her hands, and she couldn’t wipe her hands on her own white pants, of course. She has to be careful if she kept rubbing the Genie might of popped out. As the night wore on, the more I drank, the stupider I became. Commando showed up and we started pounding the shots with Jackass. Memory holes started to appear. I don’t really remember a whole lot. I do remember buying some raffle tickets, and the Twat putting the tickets, I fricking won. I won some Sox/Cubs Bean Bags, and a box of homemade chocolate stuff, like a chocolate covered Twinkie, and other stuff. The women were on my chocolate like vultures, but no one touched my Twinkie, except Nascar, she was all over my Twinkie. Sure I remember dancing with one of the Red Sisters. (A trio of sisters all with red hair) alas she goes for the douchebag types. She was awfully flirtatious with me. I wonder if she knows about my little crush on her, but I love to flirt as well.  Fricking Cougar was able to hold a pencil with her buttcheek, I was simply amazed, I guess this is how you can tell if a girl has a nice ass. Who knew? Well let’s just say I bought a box of pencils this morning, and yes the River has no ass. I need to figure out a nickname for this girl. She stole my hat last night, and I had to chase her. I call her Bunny for now, but once I put my foot down, and said, “Woman mind your place.”, Bunny knew to give me my hat back.  Even one of the Red Sisters stole my hat. That’s another thing, my hat gets more action then I do. What the fuck? I’m actually jealous of my hat.

Finally there was #1 she was a hot mess, let’s see I seen her titties last night, smelled her cooch last night, I said it smelled like Fritos. LOL! Danced like 2 monkeys humping…..She was just a hot mess….I was fine.  

I left JWH at a halfway decent time about 1ish, and headed back to my car, The manager of Durbins was outside smoking, She called to me, “River come in let me buy you a drink.” Me being the pillar of willpower, I went in. A couple of waitresses, and bartenders who I like were there. Especially one bartender who I go way back with, which I will get in a later post who is going through some major problems. We talked and I drank. I ended up closing the joint, and the worst part of it all. I dance to Wham. Wake me up before I Go-Go. I have no shame….No shame at all.

I’m sure I’m missing alot of the finer points, probably others can fill them in. Bottomline is I had a fun time, but as we all know Drinking is Serious Business. Especially the next morning.

Happy Birthday again #1, and I hope you are puking.

Happy Birthday #1

Posted in General Life, River with tags , on April 20, 2010 by theerivs

Some Man Meat for #1 Bday

There is an old Japanese proverb that says, “If you don’t know a man’s character, just look to his friends”  I have some of the greatest friends in the world. Well it’s #1’s birthday, and I wanted to write something special for her. Let’s start at the beginning shall we.

The first time I met #1 was at a bar. Go figure. I remember it was a slow night, and I walked up to the bar, and I remember I said something extremely witty. Well I thought it was anyway. I don’t remember what #1 said, but it was a smart ass comment, I do remember looking to see who said it, and looking at this girl dressed like a biker chick, she had a bandanna on her head. I was thinking, “Who the fuck this dyke biker bitch think she is”  After that I would see her at the  bars, it took me a while to commit her name to memory simple cause, well I really didn’t give a shit. So I just called her, and her friends Jenny. Well as the months, turn into years we got to know each other better. I found out #1 had some health issues, and that’s why she wore the bandanna, but I maintain she is still a dyke biker bitch at heart. I have to say though I couldn’t ask for a better friend than her.

Why is she #1? Is it because she supports all my endeavors in the writing field, because she is probably the #1 commenter on this site. So why is she #1, well one time she got so hammered she said she loved my writing so much, she would totally blow me. I think that was the first time I was struck speechless in a long time. Alot of people say they like my writing, but never did I have someone say they would blow me because they liked it so much. Yes that’s why she is #1.

Sure #1 is aggravating, smartass, uncouth broad. There’s a side though that not many people get to see, that I am privileged to see. Inside that rough no-nonsense shield she puts up is a sensitive, caring individual that really cares about the people she loves. It shows every time I come over to fix her computer, she really tries to make me happy. I appreciate her efforts, though I make fun of her. It really touches me, some bastards I fix their computer don’t even ask if I want a glass of water. It shows every time she texts me, or asks me how I am doing, and she really wants to know how the hell I am doing. Though we make fun of each other, and sometimes laugh at each others expense. We know that when the chips are down, we got each others back. That even though she whacks me in the nuts, or I titty punch her. We care about each other, and that there isn’t any other person I know that will be there for me in the bad times, as well as good. I hope she knows that I will be there for her as well.

All this would endear me to her, but I am writing this not out of love, or caring. I am writing this because I respect the hell out of #1. Like me, she is a warrior. Life has given her some pretty big punches, but she hasn’t been knocked out yet. She gets back up, and she keeps punching. Giving life’s woes the big middle finger. I know there are times when she feels down, and maybe a little overwhelmed, but not for long she climbs right back into that saddle and attacks life with a gusto, and zeal that makes me smile whenever I see her. She is a single mother trying to do the best she can with what she can. Hell I can’t even take care of myself.  Even when I pick on her, she doesnt take shit from me, she gives it right back. That’s why I respect her, care for her, and love her.

So when you don’t know my character, just take a look at #1 she’s got enough for both of us. Happy Birthday #1, may today be special for you.