Archive for July, 2010

Photo Friday

Posted in Art of Man with tags , , on July 30, 2010 by theerivs

I do love me some Battlestar Galactica, here’s one of the reasons…

Tales of Stupid

Posted in River with tags on July 29, 2010 by theerivs

In my life I have tons of stories of just stupid shit I done in my life, that defy logical explanation of why, or what I did.  Here’s one of them.

Many moons ago, I use to hang out at a local bowling alley, Used to get drunk there while playing pinball, and fighting video games like Street Fighter, or Mortal Kombat, since I was like 17. It was good to be friends with older people.

So it was a cold winter night, and me, and my partner in crime, Gus, were really drunk.  We come stumbling out, and there is a nice sports car. I think it was a Camaro, if my memories are correct and filtered through the drunken haze. Me and Gus, being broke ass dudes, were jealous. The conversation turned to how we hated people who had things we didn’t. Then we looked at the Camaro, and Gus goes, “I wanna fuck up that car.”  I reach into my glove compartment, and pull out my gun. Yeah I was a bad man long time ago, and luckily I took out the clip before handing the gun to Gus. I didn’t think he had the balls, but just in case….he rolled down the window…click..click..click. “It’s empty motherfucker.”  At this point I was pissing myself laughing so hard.  I took the gun, and handed him my knife, and go, “You got to do this the hard way.”   The crazy son of a bitch jumped out ran up to the Camaro…POP! POP! POP! POP!.  He hopped back in, and said, “Let’s go”

Needless to say I got the fuck out of there, and I wasn’t laughing anymore. I didn’t think he would do it. I was just sitting there thinking this dude is crazy. I miss Gus sometimes, we had some messed up times together.

What we did though was just plain stupid

Is America falling behind?

Posted in Politics with tags , on July 28, 2010 by theerivs

Heard a report today, that American students are ranked 25th in the world. We are becoming a nation of consumers, and service oriented jobs. We hardly manufacture anything anymore. Our reliance on fossil fuels is killing us as well. I’m one who thinks though one should not come and complain, without offering solutions.

I think some of the solutions would be.

1. More school, instead of 3 month-long break, kids should go to school year round. An idle mind is the devils workshop.

2. More discipline at home, the government should stay out-of-the-way of a parent being a parent.

3. Back to Isolationism : A stricter immigration policy, and a way higher tax on imports. Tax incentives and breaks for those companies in the manufacturing industry.

4. Curtail the Union Fat Cats – These greedy sons of a bitches are bleeding this country.

5. Get a hold of our justice system – The lawyers making the money are running the system, not the taxpayer

6. More help for the farmer – They increasingly need are help, without them…we starve.

7 . Support alternative fuel sources– too long the oil barons have been running this country.

Those are just some of the ideas I got rolling around in my head. This country is one of the greatest, things need to change so we can keep it that way.

Do Men Have Biological Clocks?

Posted in Art of Man, My demons, River with tags , on July 27, 2010 by theerivs

As I get older, I feel like I’m working against some unknown time limit. Like I better get started if I want to have a family of my own. I know women when they reach 40 it’s harder for them to bare children. So they do have a biological clock, but men I know we can still impregnant women when were old and gray, in our 60’s at least. Hell I was watching an interview with the late great Luciano Pavorotti. He had a kid at 65. The thing is I want to enjoy my childs, childhood if it were. I want to play ball with him, do things with him, show him a world I never seen before. 

I have always never really cared if a women spends time with me or not. If they want to spend time with me, and have fun. Cool. If not I’ll find someone else. I want a women who wants to be with me, and spend time with me. Lately though I feel this weight on me, like my chances are passing me by. I refuse to settle for anyone though, as time goes by my standards have gone down. Not really in terms of looks, but in terms of shit I will put up with from girls.

I want to be in love, and be loved. I always wanted the wife, the dog, the house, the kids, the white picket fence, but as the years go by, that dream like sand in my hand is slipping through. It sucks being an idealist.

But I wonder is this some sort of biological clock alarm going off?

Monday Hangover

Posted in Art of Man, River with tags on July 26, 2010 by theerivs

Ok my weekend actually started Thursday, A girl called me in the afternoon wanted to see if I wanted to go out for a drink. So I got hammered a bit. I was driving so I had to sober up a bit. The girl I was with though at the end of the night ditched me to go smoke weed with some low life’s. How do I know their low lifes, well I know one of them sort of. I got pissed, and told her off. Why did I get pissed?

Well I kind of go overprotective of my friends ever since a friend of mine who I thought was ok, passed away after a night of drinking at JWH. I was close to the family too,  What do you say to a teenage son at a funeral when you were the last to see their mom, how do you tell them if you were a bit more concerned, and more of an asshole their mother would be alive. It’s something I live with every day of my life, and just thinking about it almost brings me to tears. So when someone comes out with me, like I drive them somewhere I make sure they get home especially girls. Even my guy friends I watch over like a mother hen, like Jackass I got his back even if it means my own life, and some of the places we been it just might mean that.

So Friday I just stayed in and stewed. Saturday came and I had some ordeals while shopping for my Mom, that really almost pushed me over the edge. I just wanted to drink, and forget the world for a bit. I know that sounds very alcoholic to say, but I didn’t care. It was Kid Rocks Birthday, and we had our little differences but all in all he is still my friend.  So I went out, I was supposed to pregame with Jackass. Thanks to the German, and Torino who got him wasted at Durbins he fell asleep on his couch, so I went over to Teehans for one or two. Holy poop glad I did, the bartender was HOT!. I mean really hot, I’ll be stopping there more often.  

Well I got Jackass up, and we headed to JWH. It was Commando’s brothers 30th bday too, and it was good to celebrate that with him. Me and him go way back, he use to bounce with me, and we had some good times there. It’s funny how this world works Commando’s brother worked with me, and he sort of disappeared, and I always wondered what happened to him. Then years later his sister and I become friends. Commando also knows the brother of another good friend of mine….It’s a funny small world.

 So We started to drink ALOT. IT was good to see all our friends (except #1 was sick, and Towelie and RJ were missing, BULLSHIT!)  I wish I could fill you in on the details but let’s just say most of it was a blur, except when Torino gave me a 151 shot, that was in slow motion. OCD showed up, and I tried to get her to be bad, she was way too sober for my liking. I know I went to Durbins, and I made peace with the girl that I snapped at. (she works there). I hung out at Durbins for a bit, then I ended up at Olympic Star, and didn’t get home to around 7am.

Sunday as John Goodman said in The Big Lebowski, “I don’t roll on Shabbos”  I didn’t do shit, though I missed Nascars little get together, I was in no shape to socialize.

Today I’m just mainlining caffeine, and planning the next big event. Jackass’s 40th bday party.

Photo Friday – Vida

Posted in Art of Man with tags , , on July 23, 2010 by theerivs

I was watching a low rider show the other day,listening to Pitbull, and thought I need some latin flavor.

A little bit of Vida for ya…

Nickel and Dime

Posted in Politics, River with tags on July 22, 2010 by theerivs

I don’t like Government. I hate it. I would have rather lived in the Wild West, or some other lawless land. For the Government doesn’t do nothing for me but tax, and take my money.

I remember getting my license plate sticker cost 50 dollars, in the last couple of year it is now 99 dollars. For fricking what, the crappy roads I drive on, that Tollways which aren’t supposed to be permanent are supposed to pay for.

So now on my piece a crap car the Check Engine light is on, so I check the code it says it’s probably the catalytic converter, which is expensive. To get my new plate sticker, I need my emissions test, to pass my emissions test I need to fix my cat. converter. That will cost around 500 bucks.  I don’t really want to invest that kind of money into it.

My choices are….

A. Clear the Codes, and try to get it tested before code goes off again.

B. Call one of my Underground contacts, and get it fixed..Illegal, but costs way less money.

C. Actually fix it, which will cost alot.

Gonna try Option A first then go from there.

It just sickens me BP can destroy the world, but god forbid I don’t test my craptastic car for a little extra carbon.  These laws we have today isn’t about protecting the citizens, it’s about making the government money, and it’s days like today I get sick of this shit. If I didn’t have my family here, I would so move to a far out of the way place where government doesn’t interfere so much. America is on a crash course for socialism, and I fucking hate socialism.

Monday Hangover – On Wendesday.

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, River with tags , , on July 21, 2010 by theerivs

Ok first off let’s explain, Every time in the second or third Sunday of July my hometown of Tinley Park closes the main downtown street, and has a festival sort of mini taste of Chicago. With shows, carnival type rides, and booths set up for food, drinks, and other vendors. This party is called the Catalina Wine Mixer…er I mean the Caribbean Block Party.

It started around 10 years ago, it was small indeed, and wasn’t very popular. I was bouncing then at a bar on the main drag, and I hated working it cause well all my friends got really hammered that day. So I told the boss the following year I will work any day, holiday or not but the Block Party day. He said fine.

The next year, about 9 years ago, was the first year I attended,  I got a bottle of vodka and some gatorade, and drank it out of my car. I got really hammered. I got my hair shaved off, and I really had a good time. I had some friends drink some vodka with me out of my trunk. At one point a friend got into trouble by a police officer. So the next year I got more booze, parked a little bit out of the way, and got even more drunk, and shaved my head. Each year my operation gets bigger, and little more refined, but one thing remains I shave my head.  

This year I decided to introduce Pirates into the Caribbean theme. After the ride of the same name, so my friend tossed a pirate flag out of his window, and I dressed up like a pirate. I had a bandanna on my head, an eyepatch, and a sword.  I bought about 250 dollars of booze, with all the mixing, pop, juice, and even food, some bags of chips. Even bought water this year.  That was a hard lesson learned, being drunk and dehydrated not fun at all. So I get to my usual spot which is a little bit behind the bar where I use to work at, but where the street is curved to be hidden from the main street, under the shade of a bunch of trees, and near some garbage can. I pour myself a generous helping of Vodka, and Grape Powerade, and set up shop at 9am…it was all down hill from there.  

The star of the show was I bought Absinthe, which is 168 proof (most booze is 80 proof). I did a few shots of those around 10, or 11am.  I went further down the rabbit hole. What does absinthe taste like, take a black chuckle, or piece of black licorice, light it on fire, and while it’s fire put it in your mouth…even with that description I don’t do it justice.

After this things get hazy, I was a sweaty mess. I did get my head shaved into a Mohawk. I saw alot of girls that looked hot.  I did alot more absinthe. I got yelled by the cops again, the same cop who yelled at me last week.  I saw some old friends I haven’t seen in a long while.

I started to sober up about 2am, after I drank a gallon of water. 3am I took home this hot bartender from the bar, she was really, really hammered, so being way more sober drove her car home.  I’d like to say we made passionate love….but alas I slept on the couch. Well I’m sure I got karma points somewhere….somehow.  

Well they say a picture is worth 1000 words. This is me with the mohawk, notice the dead drunk look…LOL!

You look fucking stupid in those Capris.

Posted in Uncategorized on July 21, 2010 by Mike

Seriously, you girls need to stop it already.  You have no excuse to wear that ridiculously unflattering piece of attire.  Regardless of the occasion, you all are already blessed with skirts, shorts, pants, and dresses.  The Capri is just an exercise is slovenly convenience.  Nothing more.  If it’s too hot, wear shorts, a dress, or a skirt.  If it’s colder, or you don’t like the way your legs look, throw on some jeans or slacks.  Guy’s are stuck with essentially two options, shorts and pants.  Yet, we have made that work.  To the women with nice legs who wear them, stop.  You’re  doing yourself a disservice.

I understand that they are popular.  But that is not a valid reason for wearing them either.  If Carrie Bradshaw started wearing Moo Moos, you damn well better not follow her into the gates of hell.  I’m pretty sure she has an apt there by the way.  I digress.

Oh, and while you’re all at it.  Don’t wear crocs either.

Tuesday Not-Hangover

Posted in General Life on July 20, 2010 by zelmaru

I can’t compete with River’s weekends, but I’ll try.

Usually, the husband and I are boring people, because we have a two-and-a-half-year-old and we just sit around on the weekends and go to the park and other baby stuff.  But this weekend, we were going to a wedding.  Ooh la la.

Believe it or not, going to one event is an insane amount of prep, and I don’t mean hair.  First, we had to get his parents to come down to babysit – which meant we had to sanitize the house.

The project to sanitize the house was going well until the kid got sick.  When I say sick, I mean projectile vomit all over the place, at which point I say something stupid like “it’s ok to throw up on mommy” and my kid says “get paper towel.”  It’s gonna take more than a paper towel.

Things we don’t tell the grandparents: “oh, the kid threw up right there.  On the sofa.  Where you’re sitting.”  These things are on a need-to-know basis, and nobody needs to know.

As for weddings in Texas: they just shouldn’t occur in the summer.  Not even indoors.  It’s just too damn hot to be in a room, even an air-conditioned room, with a bunch of other people.  Hell, by the time I got to the wedding, my hair looked like this:

A totally accurate artist representation

Good thing I wasn’t an “important” guest, so there are few pictures memorializing the humidity fail.

And that was my weekend.