My Russian Bride

I might have told this story before, but Nascar asked me to tell it so here we go.

In the not so distant past I was laid off, and all I was working as was a bouncer. So I worked like 2 or 3 days a week. The rest of the time I just laid around and enjoyed life. Well the idle mind is the devil’s workshop. So one day I got an email from a Russian girl who wanted to get to know me better. I was bored, though I thought it was odd, I decided what the hell I’ll write her back.

Her name was Sveta, and she did send me some pictures…she was pretty hot. Though as we all know that hot chick could have been a 50 year old fat Russian dude. Well I continued to write her, we corresponded for a month…..

Until I got an email from her proclaiming her love for me, and that she was coming to the States to be with me. Holy fuck no. What the hell was I going to do with a Russian girl roaming around my apartment….my brother would be pissed, plus that would put a damper on my partying for sure. I partied alot those days.

I told her in not so uncertain terms that now wasn’t the best possible time to be together. I think I might have used some harsh language, terms like “no fucking way in hell are you coming here”, and “crazy ass Russian broad” ….I then blocked her email.

She knew what town I lived though, and really if you go to any bar in Tinley ask a bartender, or waitress about River, and they sure as fuck would spill the beans. So I really didn’t know if she was actually coming or not. Just in case I better warn my brother….we were playing video games, Madden at the time, and nonchalantly I go to my brother, “Um if a Russian girl comes here looking for me, tell her I’m not here.”  My brother pauses the game in shock, and  goes, ” Excuse me? What did you just say?”  So I told him about the Russian girl, and my brother just shakes his head, laughs,  and says, “You have issues”

I know this.


4 Responses to “My Russian Bride”

  1. Did a Nigerian General want to split 50 million dollars with you as well?

    Oh, and You and #1 can both kiss my ass. lol

  2. Yeah, the next step would have been her sending you a cashiers check she can’t cash in Russia. She would have asked you to send her enough for a plane ticket and you keep the rest for later.

    I know, I was looking for a roomate at and a hot Russian girl wanted to be my roomy. I am not too stupid, so I played along. I got a deposit in the mail to keep her spot. It was $4000 over what I asked. She told me to keep the rest till she got there. I investigated the postage- from France. Then I discovered where the bank check was from- Wisconsin bank. How the hell did a Rusdian from France get a bank check from Wisconsin? Obviously, it was fraud so I let her (him) have a piece of my mind. I did not hear back from her ever again.

  3. You would be surprised how often we have people coming in with items just like these that you are speaking of.

    THERE IS NO FREE MONEY. That’s what I (nicely) tell them all.

  4. Priceless! River you are definitely one of my friends who has had the most interesting things happen to you!

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