In Search Of….

After talking to a friend last night, which is funny she can always hold a mirror up to me, and it makes me think….and a little uncomfortable. I hate being questioned. LOL! It got me to thinking though, what do I want out of life, do I want to get married, kids, or do I want to stay the lone wolf forever.

Remember that old show with Leonard Nimoy where they would look for lost things like Loch Ness, or the Mayan ruins. That’s what my love life has become. After having my heart broken, and doing my share of breaking hearts. I feel like I’m searching for not thee one, but someone who wants to enjoy life as much as I do, but not put the clamps down on me to tightly.

Am I too Picky?

Perhaps, but is it wrong to know what one wants. I don’t need Megan Fox, but then again I don’t . There are certain traits I look for though. A women’s eyes, they have to hold me, and grab me in them. Intelligence is not something I need, but I would like a critical thinker, someone who thinks beyond her self, and who can hold a conversation. Someone who enjoys having fun, and adventures.  Life is fun, I want to live it, explore it. Sure cuddling on the couch watching a movie can be fun once in awhile, but not every night. If knowing what I want in a person I would like to spend time with makes me picky, then so be it.

What’s wrong with Friends with Benefits?

Nothing really. In the past I would of been all for it. Pleasure for pleasures sake is a huge plus in my book, but I think it’s time to put away the toys of a child, and look for something more. I’m not getting any younger, and Friends in Benefits never work out well, because someone develops feelings that the other partner might not have. Recently that’s all I’ve been getting to cross my path, women who just want to mess around and be friends. I want more out of my life, I demand alot from myself, how can I not demand more from someone who wants to be with me?

Am I too much of a Lone Wolf?

Here lies the major problem, I have never really had a healthy relationship. I am guarded, selfish with my time, control and other assorted issues…so many I have subscriptions. Sometimes I feel I have been alone for so long, that when the word commitment starts being tossed around I’ll go running for the hills. This is why my life is chaotic, my thoughts are like a maelstrom, for one minute I want to get married, and start a family, then next I say fuck that I love being single.  

In the end I would like to find someone to share my life with me, I think I got alot going on, but you know what if it doesn’t happen. Fuck it. I’m gonna have fun with life with or without it.


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