A Burden to No One.

One of the myriad of reasons I keep people at arms length, is I don’t want people burdened by me or my problems.

This runs in my family, my Grandmother who turns 90 this year when asked how she is doing replies, “Fine” even when I know she isn’t, or my father even with tubes in him says he’s doing great, feels like a million dollars.

I don’t know why I find it so hard to share my problems. Even in the worst times of my life, I would of rather of killed myself than be a burden to anyone. Luckily the love of life, and my family won out that day. Sad thing is the main reason I don’t want to grow old, is because I know at some point I will be a burden to someone.

I think it stems from what some may say is a Superman complex, I don’t want people to think less of me for being weak, or worse yet pity me. I like being the man who can take the punishment, to get beaten by life, yet gets back up. I fucked up many times in my life, but I always picked myself up from the bootstraps, and carried on.

It’s not any fault of those around me, I have some of the most caring friends, and family one could ask for, and I’m sure if there came a time I needed to unload they would be there for me.  It’s just when all said and done, when I’m gone I don’t want to be remembered for my problems, but for all the good times I had with those I loved.

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2 Responses to “A Burden to No One.”

  1. Why won’t you just let me love you?

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