Reason #2 Why I Will Punch You In The Face

Today’s Reason:  Being a celebrity “expert”

Are you a celebrity?  If you answered yes, then rest easy.  That alone will not be reason enough for me to coldcock you in the fucking jaw.  Unless, of course, you are that ultra untalented Shia LeBeauf.  In that case, I reserve the right to smash your face repeatedly for no excuse until my hands break off my fucking wrists.  Though, that is another story and I need to get back on track.

Congrats celebrity.  You have managed to not only survive in Hollywood, but you succeeded in becoming a household name.  But that wasn’t good enough was it?  Banging other celebrities and taking home that Teen Choice Award 8 years back wasn’t enough to satisfy that huge fucking ego of yours.  No, you need people to think your smart too.  So, you spout off important “facts” on your Twitter so people think you somehow managed to graduate from Princeton while you were shooting every piece of shit movie you have ever made.  Then, to top it off, you don’t even get your information correct half the time.  Also, if your famous enough, dumbass douche-bags who follow your every fucking move believe your half-informed bullshit.  Then guess what?  That’s right.  I have to hear it from said douche-bags.  Next time, you have something of grand importance to tell the world.  Don’t.  You’re not a fucking expert on anything.  Just keep your fucking mouth shut.  And your Twitter mouth too.  Otherwise, I will punch you in the goddamn face!

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6 Responses to “Reason #2 Why I Will Punch You In The Face”

  1. Ummmm… Mike? Need me to ship you some Midol, buddy?

  2. Dammit #1! Don’t give me an excuse to make you reason #3!

  3. After a hard day of work, this is what I needed. LOL!

  4. Bring it, pansy ass!

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