Usually, I like to ramble on almost incoherently about stuff that bothers me.  Today, it will probably be similar though on a much more personal level.  After my divorce several years back, the communication between me and my ex stopped for obvious reasons.  Since that time, I have always wondered what became of her life.  This was someone who I cared for a great deal, and even though our marriage didn’t work out, she has always remained in the back of my mind.  I always sort of figured that she would have remarried and had kids.  Recently, these thoughts were confirmed when I found her on Facebook.  Initially, this news left me a little sad for my own selfish reasons.  However, I was still greatly pleased to see that she appeared happy.  She now had the family that she always wanted and deserved.

Now, that my curiosity was fed, I was unsure what to do next.  As silly as it sounds, I asked myself several questions:  “Do I send her a friend request? Will she accept it?  Do I send her a message?  If so, what do I say?”  I confided in a close friend as to what I should do.  She essentially told me, “what do you have to lose by trying?”  From my own past experiences, I have learned how pointless grudges really are.  So, I sent my request along with a message that stated how happy I was to see that she was doing well.  Time passed without a response.

Obviously, I was disappointed that after all the years that had gone by that we couldn’t be friends on some level.  It bothers me to be thought of in such a negative light, especially from someone who I was so close to at one point.  One day, I really hope she forgives me.  I don’t want to die knowing that I was the villain of someone’s life.


6 Responses to “Afterthought”

  1. Mike, it might not be you that is the issue. Maybe her husband wouldn’t respond well to her being friends with you on Facebook? I know for a fact that my exhusband’s wife would flip her lid if my ex and I became FB Buddies, and we have 3 kids together.

  2. Divorces and break-ups are so fucking weird. I’ve only completely cut off one person I’ve dated, and that was someone I found out to be a pathological liar and criminal. Aside from that rare incident, I’ve made efforts to remain friends and/or friendly with ex’s, even if things ended sourly.

    My parents had a nasty divorce and things fell apart in their love lives in the end, but they remain friends and speak almost weekly, even though they are both now happily re-married. They aren’t besties or anything, but they spent more than 20 years together… That’s the kind of history you can’t throw away, even if you can’t be together anymore.

    • I share your viewpoint. Even though many break-ups aren’t very amicable, after a period of time, I don’t see the purpose of holding ill feelings toward another person. Whether I’ve been the person initiating the break-up or the person being broken up with, it just seems like people are never interested in maintaining some type of friendship afterward.

  3. theerivs Says:

    What would be the point of the friendship? What would you two go palling around? There is a reason they are an ex. The capacity of the human mind to selectively remember stuff is amazing. Being the villian in a great number of girls lives I have come to grips with certain things.

    Learn from your past, don’t dwell in it, and If you’re not with me…’re against me. Meaning if they wanted to be a part of my life….they would be.

    • The point of the friendship would be the same as any other I have. I’ll use you as an example. We are friends. Let’s say I wronged you for whatever reason. Afterward, I realize the mistake I made and I’m genuinely sorry for it. Why wouldn’t I want to repair the damage I had done so that we could be friends again? As Dickie mentioned, when you invest a substantial amount of time and feelings into someone, forgetting they ever existed because they screwed up is something you can’t just throw away lightly.

      They are an ex because the romantic relationship didn’t work. However, there wouldn’t have been a relationship at all if there wasn’t some level of connection between the two people. I’ve moved on with my life. I have learned from those mistakes and I’m a better person for it. When I think of my ex, I would rather think of the good times we had rather than the way it ended. I would hope she would think the same of me. Hate is a destructive force and life is too short to waste on such negativity.

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