Another Year Older…Not So Much Wiser

As my birthday approaches once more I tend to freak out a bit. Hopefully this year will be better than last year.  Why is it that birthday’s get me all fucked up and in a weird place you might ask. Well I’ll tell you.

1. I hate Old Age – Old age to me is when you become a burden on your loved ones, and society. I don’t really want to grow old for that reason, to me life isn’t about the quantity, but the quality.

2. I have no idea what I’m doing – I really never had a plan for my life, still don’t. Every birthday I sit there and go “What Now?”

3. Don’t have the tools to be an adult – I really hate reponsibility, oh sure I can handle it when it comes up, but my natural state is to avoid it like the fucking plague.

4. Not so much the when, but how I die – Sort of an old age thing again, but I don’t want to die sickly and in bed, and my days of dyeing in a hail of gunfire are quickly passing.

5. Wasted Talent – In my family we have a little joke, we say to each other, “You had all the tools.”  Our fathers would say that to us boys, meaning we could of been great at football, or hockey because we had all the tools, but we wasted it. Sometimes I wish I worked harder, and actually had some goals. They say the biggest sin is wasted talent.

6. Peter Pan Complex – No I don’t  like to wear green tights, and hang around boys and faeries, I just don’t really want to be an adult, but here we are in middle age. 

7. I don’t really know – I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I overstayed my welcome in life. Like what the fuck am I still doing here. Some of my friends have passed, yet I am still here. One time a friend looked at me and goes, ” I always thought you would be the first to go.”  I replied, “No shit so did I”

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