Archive for October, 2011

Monday Hangover

Posted in Art of Man, Barlife, Pure Insanity, River with tags on October 31, 2011 by theerivs

First off Happy Halloween Kiddies.

Friday – I just stayed home and relaxed.

Saturday – I went to a house party with the Ginny. She dressed as Snow White, and she does actually make a pretty good snow white. I was a little low on the funds so going to a house party was really good on the pocket book if you know what I mean.  I dressed in my Nun outfit, took my friends advice put some socks instead of tissue in there, tried to make them bigger. The Ginny’s friend made a gladiator armor with beer cans, I have to say I was impressed. It was a fun time meeting new people, but I had to head home to JWH, and Durbs for one. Everyone there got a kick out of my costume.  Geek Princess and Nascar we’re the only one’s out. Geek Princess was out of control, I thank god my titties were fake, they would of been all bruised the fuck up, and Nascar was a little out of control too. They both were given one hour. went out

Sunday – Went out with my grandpa. Then went out for a few with Jackass, Torino, and Commando. Even Frumpy was there for a couple. We all headed to JWH, and Frumpy went home as usual. I decided to wear my viking helmet there. It was good for a couple laughs. I went home early.

Lick My Clit

Posted in General Life, River with tags on October 27, 2011 by theerivs

RJ is Towelie’s wife, but I consider her my friend in her own right.  She confounds me, she is one of the most prettiest girls I know, yet she’s one of the goofiest, funniest people I know, and she cusses beyond what any sailor can do….and I’m deathly afraid of her. 

Once when RJ was working at JWH, and she just got married. I told her congratulations, she literally snapped at me and said, “If you say that again I will fucking stab you” then she looked at me with these crazy eyes. I think she really meant it. 

On the other hand she always makes me laugh, I was standing in my friends kitchen, just talking to one of my boys.   Then RJ pops her head out of the bathroom, and screams…LICK MY CLIT!  I almost pissed myself laughing so hard. I mean what girl does that, well I don’t know of any besides RJ that ever did that.

I take great pride that over the summer RJ asked me for opinion on something. I don’t think she liked what I had to say, but she listened and I think she really thought about it. That really touched me.

RJ is like a tornado of laughter, she rolls through being goofy, and making me laugh. I’m glad she’s my friend, and I hope she’s a part of my life for some time to come.

If you ain’t first, you’re last

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, River with tags on October 25, 2011 by theerivs

Tallegdega has my back everytime. I know if there was a problem, I needed solving, and he could help. He would be there for me. Such unwavering loyalty, how can I not return that loyalty back. Does he have his faults, he sure the hell does, but don’t we all. Just because his methods are sometimes a little more blunt, I think alot of times his heart is in the right place. Then there are times I think he let’s his heart act, before his head thinks about something.  Like my cousin, Tallegdega may be in the wrong about something, but god forbid a mother fucker lays a hand on my friend.  I admire Tallegdega alot, he’s a hard worker, yet he knows how to have fun. He love’s his family to death, and being a staunch family person myself I respect the hell out of it.  He accomplished alot in his short life, and he’s doing well for himself.

Like all my friends there are alot of stories I could share, but I think this one story really captures our friendship. One night we were out drinking at JWH, and we were joking around, and having fun. As Tallegdega left he goes, “Enjoy the Biscuits, Better yet bring me some in the morning”   I was like “What?”. Turns out he put a box of biscuit in my coat.  I was like, “ok, this mother fucker wants biscuits, I’ll give him some”  I went to the restaurant, and got a couple orders biscuits and gravy, and dumped them on his windshield. I figured he would be mad, nope he took his licking like a man, and I respect the hell out of it. He even told me he was up all night worrying about it, that he regretted doing that. It means alot that he said that.

Another story that really touched me, was one time #1 was taking pics of me making out with this girl, and Tallegdega put a stop to it. His method was harsh, and bad..but the fact he did it makes me know that Tallegdega got my back, and is worried about me on some level. That my friend is a great friend. That no matter what other people think, he’s worried about your well being.   

I’m really proud to call Tallegdega my friend, with some people in my circle that may cause me to fall out of favor with them, and I don’t care.

Monday Hangover

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, Pure Insanity, River with tags on October 24, 2011 by theerivs

Friday – I pretty much ate dinner, then passed out. Woke up at like 1am, went midnight shopping. Picked up my bra for my nun costume.

Saturday – Ah…Geek Princesses costume party. I dressed as a nun. I was ran out of tissue for my bra to stuff so they weren’t as big as I liked, but all the girls told me next time to stuff it with socks. Well you do learn something everyday. Everyone looked great, and it was a real fun time. Jackass, and Torino were smashed…I think drinking right from the gallon jug of apple pie shots had something to do with it. I actually won the costume contest, I guess the sisterhood felt that anyone who volunteerly puts on a bra deserves something. I thought Luigi should of won, she really did look like an Italian Plumber. Dance party was going, and RJ and Commando were up on chairs dancing, food was great. Jackass was so messed up he kept falling, and pissing in the yard. I haven’t seen him that messed up in quite some time.

Well it was all fun and games unitl Tallegdega’s sister who I will call Tyson, as in Mike Tyson flipped a lid. There are some people that shouldn’t mess with the fire water, Tyson is one of those people. She started by calling Commando a cunt, which is shocking in itself, then she went on to do battle with a bartender from JWH. After holding her back she calmed down…so I thought. Tyson then started fighting with her sister. They went all the way down the block. I thought I should put an end to this. Geek Princess said she wanted to come with and help. We seperated the sisters, then Tyson attacked Geek Princess. I was like HOLY SHIT….I seperated the two. Geek Princess wondering where her shoes were, was grabbed by Tyson again by the hair. That’s when Geek Princess flipped the fuck out, screaming, “You want some hair bitch, I’ll give you some hair”  Geek Princess started fisticuffing, landing some good gut blows. I broke it up again, and Geek Princess got out of there. Low and behold the police showed up.  They asked me what was going on, of course the usual…I didn’t see shit.

Well needless to say everyone hates Tyson now, and I can’t really blame them, but a part of me pity’s her to. It’s a shame really how a good time could be ruined by one person, but also I think that person has some demons, and some real personal issues they need to work through.  I don’t know but I got to say I got my Cat Fight quota in for the year I think, and my dreams of being a referee for the UFC isn’t far off.

Sunday – Just Bears game, and it was just a part two of me, Jackass, and Torino being really drunk and stupid.  Went home pretty early.

Off to the Races

Posted in Art of Man, River with tags on October 21, 2011 by theerivs

Nascar to me is a little bit of an enigma, and she likes it that way. She is a profound thinker, beautiful, and a good person. She is sort of a moral barometer for the group. Like one “No, River” from her stops me in my tracks, and makes me stop the idiocy I am doing at the time. She is actually Towelie’s sister, and you can tell they have the same moral fiber, and goodness that their parents instilled in them. No one else share’s my love for Shakespeare like Nascar does.

Like alot of my friends sometimes well they get a little corrupted, one night Nascar was let’s just say a little under the weather. Her sister comes up to us, and yells at her for like 10 minutes, and at the end says, “You got one hour” while holding up her finger to denote the number one. I sat there in amazement, I looked at Nascar, like really, you going to take that? Sure enough she left in one hour. To this day though when things get out of hand we tell each other “You got one hour”

Nascar always cracks me up, when were on the dance floor she mimics this little drunk dance I do, she makes an observation about something that just has me laughing, or when we aggravate her brother and do something silly together. I think though the times I cherish with Nascar is the one on one times, we do so many things as a group, that sometimes I just like to be one one one with my friends, and that’s really when I get to know them more. I remember one time it was kind of just one on one talking at a Starbucks, or listening to the rain fall at a Nascar race and just talking. I wish we had more one on one time, perhaps I will make an effort to do just that.

I will end this with a quote from the bard himself….

“Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind.”

because in my mind I have nothing but love for Nascar, and I’m a better person because she is my friend.

Don’t forget to bring a Towel

Posted in Art of Man, River with tags on October 20, 2011 by theerivs

Let me begin by saying, I am writing these posts about my friends, not for them, but for myself. Sure I tell them I wrote it, because I am writing about them I think they should know that I am. Coming from where I have friends were always a luxury, one I didn’t really have. Sure I had people I hung around, and did stuff with…but true friendship…that is something that has eluded me until now. I am making these posts because one day, I may not be around, or my friends may not be around….I or they can always come here and look at how much they meant to me.

Let me start by saying Towelie is a good man. So good it boggles my mind as to why he hangs around the likes of me. Let’s go back a bit in River history. I’m a criminal….I am criminal minded. To this day I walk in the bank, and I spot cameras. I use to gamble, steal, do bad things, etc. etc.  Police were not my friends, they were the enemies….and here I am calling one of them not only my friend, but one of my best friends. It’s ironic how life sometimes works.

I met Towelie while bouncing, he would come in, and we would chat for a bit. Slowly but surely we got to know each other better, and better. We always had this rivalry thing going on. He likes the Hawks, I like the Pens. He’s Superman, I’m Lex. He’s a Douchebag, I’m not…ok I had to get one in there geez. The little rivalry thing aside, there isn’t many men I respect more then Towelie. He’s a good, generous person, always there for his family, and friends.

When I think back at the stories of the time I shared with Towelie. I pride myself on the times I corrupt him, like taking him to Olympic Star, a place he vowed never to go…I got him to go, or Jimmy’s Gentleman Club, or Kickoffs.

But I want a story that tells of Towelie’s goodness. One time we went to a Korn Concert. We had a great time, and afterwards Towelie had a chance to go back stage, but not all of us could go back stage. So instead of leaving us, Towelie declined, and let other friends go. He really loved those bands, and was amazed he declined, I will tell you the truth I don’t think I would of. I thought to myself what a great man, to sacrifice such an opportunity for his friends.

Towelies life is not a ball of cherries, nor is he perfect. I respect him in the fact he faces life’s challenges with a stoic demeanour. A little while back he faced one of the hardest challenges a person has to face in his life, losing not one, but both his parents. I hated the fact such a good person was going through this crap. That’s why sometimes I am enraged at the order of things, there is no justice in this world.  I have to hand it to his parents though, they raised the nicest bunch of people I ever met, and are looking down and smiling with pride at how their children are pillars amongst their friends.

Last story I want to share Towelie doesn’t even know. Towelie was having problems with this construction company. Towelie was going the good route, complaints, etc. Me I got drunk one night, and was pissed these assholes were jacking my friend around. I had a bottle of vodka with a rag in it. I was going to burn the mother fucking place down. Jail didn’t concern me, all that is to me is 3 squares and free rent. In a moment of clarity I thought that in the end Towelie wouldn’t want this, he was too good of a person. This kind of action would of cost me my friendship with him, I can have that I value it too much. In the end I didn’t do  it, I did pee on the front door though.

I am glad I have such a good person in my life, and I hope  just a little bit of his goodness rubs off on me.

One Princess that doesn’t need saving

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, River with tags on October 19, 2011 by theerivs

Geek Princess is a good friend of mine, I can go on about her qualities of being a generous, giving, fun, cool person….but it goes way beyond that. She’s a geek. How so, I deal with alot of geeks, and even they don’t have a full-sized map of middle earth hung in their house. It also warms my heart she’s passing down this geekdom to her daughter. Geeks…raising Geeks is a beautiful thing.

Even though we have been friends for a short time, it feels like we’ve always been friends, not because we share alot of common interests. She’s just such an open person, even though I don’t take advantage, I know I could go to Geek Princess and tell her anything, she’d listen, and offer up some great advice.

Out of all my friends we share that common Geek bond though, like I could mention something from Dune like, “The Spice Must Flow”, and she laughs, not even my guy friends get that…to me that’s cool. Sometimes she gets more excited than I do. I remember when I first met Geek Princess she really didn’t know I was a Geek, it’s not that I’m embarrassed of it, it’s just my other friends just don’t get it.  I don’t really remember how she found out I was a geek, maybe something I said she caught it, but I will always remember how she spazzed out once she found out.

One of the great things I love about Geek Princess is that she’s full of life, and she doesn’t give a shit who knows. She will be the first one in a concert screaming and yelling at the band. Then again she knows there’s a time and place for everything, that when it’s time for business, it’s time for business.

So many great stories, but the one I personally love is the time I got out of buying her an expensive meal. I am a man of my word, and me and Geek Princess made a wager, the loser would have to buy the other person dinner. I forgot the actual wager, I’m sure something with LOTR (Lord of the Rings for you non-geeks). Well I lost fair and square, so I owed her dinner.. Japanese Hibachi good call, but expensive. Well Geek Princess got a little drunk one night, and wanted O.S. (Olympic Star, for all you non Tinley Parkians) Hash Browns. An idea struck me, “Ok I’ll take you to O.S., but that’s your meal.” I go in my greatest Satan making a bargain voice. She replies, “Yes, I want some Hash Browns.”   I crack a little smile whenever she says I ripped her off. That’s what you get when making deals with the devil.

She calls herself damaged, I say a fried egg still tastes good even if the yolk is broken. I always enjoy my time with Geek Princess. I think what’s makes us great friends is that we really do “get” each other, almost a kindred spirit sort of bond. I just got my Superman checks in, where other people might say that’s stupid or immature,  Geek Princess would say it was cool.

Monday Hangover

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, River with tags on October 18, 2011 by theerivs

Yeah Yeah Yeah It’s Tuesday. Well it was a great weekend.

Friday was wierd passed out like at 1030, woke up at 130am, bright eyed and bushy tailed. So I went out, and had a couple beers, did some midnight shopping. I couldn’t be out all night, I had a feeling the Delivery people were coming early.

Saturday – Delivery guys were there at 8:59am, and my stupid couch didn’t fit. an 85 dollars mistake, because I had to buy a new couch which is a little nicer, (reclining couch) but I had to have it redelivered. Whatever…

That night some of us went to Towelie’s, he broke his leg playing Hockey so we thought it would be nice if we all went over there to cheer him up, after that me an Jackass hit the bar’s. I really don’t remember much, but I think we ended up at Kickoffs.  There was a huge fight at Kickoffs, and Jackass, and my other friend Wolfman was in the thick of things. There were no actual punches throne, just usual postering, but I hung back to keep an eye on things. If Jackass or Wolfman were in danger I would of definately beat some ass. Then we had a couple drinks at Jackasses crib.

Sunday – We went to Tallagdega’s for the game, it was a good time then me and Jackass hit the bars after.  Jackass and me got a little drunk and outta control. I had to take Monday off.

Monday- Went for some sushi with the Ginny, Man I love some Sushi. Got a nice night stand at Goodwill, and did a little more shopping.

I overdid it this weekend, with the eating and drinking, after Halloween I’ll be taking a break until Turkey Day I think.

There is No Peace

Posted in General Life, Philosophy, Pure Insanity, Religon, River with tags on October 14, 2011 by theerivs

I will get back to my friend’s posts next week, I want to take a little break. A friend asked me where, or what do I find peace in. I will give you the truth. I will give you a glimpse of what it really means to be the River.

There is no peace for me. I bare the mark of Chaos for a reason, My life is a constant struggle, and I must stay ever vigilant lest I fail.  From the earliest moments of my life since I was bigger then everyone, I was either made fun of, or tested. I would have to fight, or back down. I chose to fight. I use to be in trouble alot in school for fighting. They thought I was learning disabled, or some sort of defect in school. Until I proved them wrong. Later in life I struggled with my demons, of gambling, drugs, booze, my weight, and many more problems I can’t even begin to list. Every breath I take is a small victory, every laugh is in defiance of the order of things. 

Since I have been at War with everything around me for so long, things like Hate, Anger, Destruction come easy for me. Love does not, I can not allow myself such luxuries. No Tears, No complaints, No Fear.  For I feel the minute I let go of such things I feel I will lose, I will just give up, I will then be dead. 

How can I be so upbeat, and be able to have a good time etc. Well I consider myself a warrior, or pirate of old. In face of certain death, they would laugh. Why? Cause they knew that life is measured not by how long, but how you lived. They knew that life wasn’t about winning or losing, life was the struggle. Without the bad, there is no good, without pain, there is no joy.

There are times in my life when I try to break this mold set for me, my fate if you will. Try to find love, or some sort of happiness, or peace something happens and that illusion shatters, but I try again and again like a fool hoping one day I will find some rest, and peace.  I would say maybe the grave will offer the respite I require, but even that is not guaranteed. Is there heaven or hell? I hope not I pray for the sweet oblivion of the grave holds the rest I long for.   One day I will find out….today is not that day.

Gran Torino

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, River with tags on October 13, 2011 by theerivs

I knew Torino for awhile, he actually came into a bar I use to bounce at, and I would see him around and I would give him the “Nod” , you know the nod, what you do when you know the person, but don’t really know him well, or remember his/her name. Well Torino use to come to the Bears games, and just over the years we became better friends and as they say the rest is history.

I can tell you alot of stories about Torino one funnier then the next, but the one that means the most to me has nothing to do with a bar, or party or even drinking. One chilly night I was watching Bad Santa at Torino’s and Commandos house, after the movie it was my time to go. I left their house, and noticed I had a flat tire. So I started to change it, I ran into a problem the tire was not coming off. I needed a mallet or something to pry it off. I was loathe to knock on the door, they we’re probably turning into bed, and you know me I loathe to burden anyone, but it had to be done. So I knock on the door, Torino comes out. I ask him if he had one. Well to make a long story a little shorter, fast forward a bit there’s Torino on the cold ass ground trying to pry the tire off, while I’m trying to pull it off.  In the end we could never get it off, I just filled it with that Fix a Flat shit, but Torino could of just handed me the mallet, and said “Ok need anything else let me know” , No he was out there working his ass off trying to fix my problem. That to me is real friendship, that to me deserves my loyalty, and respect.

I guess in the end Torino is a bit like me, he doesn’t burden others with his problems, and when he is out to have a good time…he has a good time. I remember on Torino’s birthday we would buy a shot of 151, and a bunch of apple pie shots, and then give an unexpecting person the 151. Torino got the shot, knew it was 151, and slugged it back, and laughed in my face…but then ordered another shot of 151.

That right there is the essence of Torino. That’s why he is my friend. He stares at life, and laughs back when life laughs at him.