Enter the Jackass

I decided to make a series of post about all my friends. Lets start with my best friend.  

Well I told this story many times, but lets put it here for posterity’s sake.

When I first met Jackass, I hated him, not just disliked him but hated him. I just started working at Blue Iguana, as a bouncer.  This guy would come in, all drunk and fucked up. He would try to dance on the bar, and acting all stupid. The last straw was he does this thing where he rips his underwear off, with his pants still on. He then tosses it. Well when he tried tossing it at a bartender, he missed and hit me in the face. I was sour, I started to kick him out, but everybody loved this guy. So for six months I would just seeth with anger, wondering what was wrong with this guy.

It was the dead of winter, the bar was dead as well. I was let go early, and I was enjoying a free shift drink. Then I hear, “RIVER!, want to come snow mobiling”  I sighed to myself, it was Jackass.  Then I thought, I never was snow mobiling, when will I get the chance. So I agreed. We get there, Jackass says, “Ok here’s the deal, Your going to drive the snowmobile, and drag me behind you” I reply, “On a sled”  Jackass looks at me like I was speaking another language, and goes, “Hell, no”  I go, “Ok, you going to wear a helmet?” Jackass takes another look at me like I called him a pussy,” Nooo, I got my winter hat on. ”  So as we start going, he screams, “Pussy, go faster!” So as I jam on the speed, I look back and think, “This mother fucker is crazy, I need to hang out with him”

As the years tick by, Jackass and me have a great many adventures together. Oh the great times we had, and the stories we shared. From jumping me with a motorized scooter, to sliding down stairs with cookie sheets, or getting electrocuted in Hooters. I have a million stories with him, but the times I think most fondly over is the times we just spend talking about our problems. Two friends who just seen alot of shit in their short lives. I think it’s because of him I have a great many friends. He’s just so open and friendly with people, sometimes too much, and he scares people away that is their  loss.  It’s upon his coat tails I rode, and believe why I have such great friends now. I have yet to thank him for that.  

I make fun of his sensitive nature, where he cries at movies such as Marley and Me. To be honest I respect that, cause he may be sensitive, but he’s the toughest son of a bitch I know. Fuck his shirt, he would rip off his own arm to save me if I needed it. I hope he knows I would do the same for him.

If it wasn’t for him, I really don’t know where I would be in this life. There really isn’t a fitting tribute I could give here that would be enough for him. Only that he isn’t like my brother, to me he is my brother.


2 Responses to “Enter the Jackass”

  1. You forgot to mention his gay ass Rocky jacket in this post.

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