Archive for November, 2011

Happy Turkey Day

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, River with tags on November 23, 2011 by theerivs

This time of year we’re supposed to reflect on what we are thankful for in our lives. The list I am thankful for is so huge it isn’t funny. Here’s a few things I’m thankful for.

A loving family – without their support I would most likely be dead, or in jail. Especially my brother, and my cousin. Those two have been the biggest influence on my life, and probably the thing that has kept me the most sane.

Friends – I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends. As shown by my posts about them.

Job – I get to work in a field I love, and enjoy.

This year something new, a girlfriend- I’m thankful for her….for keeping my life exciting, and though sometimes I want to choke the living shit out of her, I do love her very much.

I can go on and on what I’m thankful for, but I also miss my grandmother, this is the first holiday without her, and being that she was the best cook I ever knew it will be real rough. I’m thankful my grandfather is still here.

I hope everyone has a great Turkey Day, and be safe.

Taking a Break

Posted in Art of Man with tags on November 22, 2011 by theerivs

Taking a Break this week, I’ll return next week with some stuff. Here’s something to look at.

Corruption

Posted in General Life, Pure Insanity, River with tags on November 18, 2011 by theerivs

In my life I denied myself nothing, if I wanted a piece of chocolate cake I would eat it, if I wanted a line of coke I would snort it, if I wanted to down a bottle of Jack Daniels, I would do so.

Willpower is not my strong suit, never has been. There are times in my life where I pulled thing together, and accomplished something, but things have to be real rock bottom.  I’m not in dire straights, or rock bottom…but shits got to change for reals.

It will be a hard road, but I decided to enlist some help. I joined an online fitness website, to help motivate, and help me achieve my goals.  Next year I will be at my company 5 years, that will give me 3 weeks vacation. Just enough time to heal for a surgery.  If I don’t reach 275 by my 40th birthday, I will be going in for a gastric bypass.

For me it’s literally do or die. My flesh, and my body is paying the price for my hedonism, I am corrupt body, and soul.

It’s time I put a stop to this, if not I should start shopping around for coffins.

Monday Hangover

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, River with tags on November 14, 2011 by theerivs

Friday I was good, and behaved.

Saturday…not so much. It was a boys night out. We gathered at Tallegdega’s house for UFC fights, and boxing.  The girls had their annual lesbian Thanksgiving.  Tallegdega makes a mean Root Beer Float shot, and about a few of those. I was feeling pretty good. Which isn’t good cause we started play Ship, Captain, Crew. It’s a nice game. We started nice, and friendly…but soon after being the degenerate mother fuckers we are. We were going 10, 20, and at even one point 40, and 60 bucks a man which was getting nutty.  After I lost all my money. I hit the bars to soothe the pain…it worked. I got tore up from the floor up.  Made an ass of myself I’m sure. Meh…these things happen.

Sunday – bunch of my friends went downtown which cause I was broke couldn’t go, which made me a little sad, but I was able to hang out with most of my friends at JWH which made me happy again. I didn’t really go nuts with the drinking, and went home early and got some dinner with the Ginny.  We watched a new TV show called Hell on Wheels, it’s a western show which is pretty good so far. I like the Wild West mentality, but they were really dirty back then…I mean real dirty.

What Might Be

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, My demons, Pure Insanity, River with tags on November 8, 2011 by theerivs

It’s funny people claim to know me, they know nothing.

For me there is no “What could of been?”, or “What might be?”  There is none of that for me. I know my fate, I know my destiny. My life is a constant state of war…my demons are legion. Sometimes you must let go of something you love, because you know in the end you will only hurt that which you love.  Do you know what it’s like to be offered everything you ever wanted, and you must refuse because you know you would only destroy it? I do.

Sometimes a girl comes along that gives me respite, and I fantasize about a normal life for a moment, a life filled with children, and marriage. A normal life, a life where I die of old age surrounded by my family.  Then reality seeps in and I realize I must let go of that girl, let her find her own happiness. For a life with me is a bitter struggle. A struggle I let no one see, for I can not allow myself a moment of weakness. I will go to the grave with my burdens, and I will not allow anyone shoulder my pain for an instant. I must be made of sterner stuff, I must be made of Iron…Iron within….Iron without.

As much pain, and sadness I deal with how can I still laugh, and find enjoyment in life….because of all people I know how precious that life is. It can all be taken away in an instant. As the Gods mock and laugh at me, I laugh back.  There are many a drunken nights I stare up at the sky, and I challenge God to smite me. He knows letting me live is a far better curse then death could ever be.  

For the last couple weeks I knew the Ginny was getting close, and at one point I thought maybe I could escape my fate, the the Gods have blessed me with a reprieve. It was not to be.   I tried to push her away, but in a moment of weakness I allowed myself to dream. Today I let her go for good. I cut her out of my life. I have to. I must find the courage, and the strength to keep it this way. Monsters do not have happy endings, and I love this girl so much she deserves one. 

 

Monday Hangover

Posted in Art of Man, Barlife, River with tags on November 7, 2011 by theerivs

Friday – I wanted to go out with the German to discuss the Ginny situation in person, but he never called me back.  I’ll give him his space, He probably hates me which I don’t blame him. I remember at Jamesons we had a talk about this subject, and he told me if Ginny was going out with me he would be happy. I told him at the time we were just friends, which at this point me and Ginny are just friends still, but I emailed him recently that it might lead to more, or might not. I just wanted to prepare German, that maybe Ginny is going to be around a bit more. I emailed him because I had no time this week, and I wanted to snub the rumors. My tactic we’re wrong I admit, but my heart was in the right place. My point is I think he is harboring more feelings then I thought, and he didn’t really mean what he said at Jamesons. To be brutally honest I had feelings for Gina a long, long time ago, and let Jackass date her, and the German, and I didn’t care because either a girl wants to be with you..or doesn’t. The only person you can control is you.

Here is what’s called a Zen Koan, it’s a story that is suppose to give you a little lesson, and enlighten you. When I am pining away for someone I think of this Koan.  

Tanzan and Ekido were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling.

Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.

“Come on, girl” said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.

Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. “We monks don’t go near females,” he told Tanzan, “especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?”

 

“I left the girl there,” said Tanzan. “Are you still carrying her?”

I still needed  drink, so I met Geek Princess out for a couple. Well….a Couple, I mean a few. Well we ended up staying out all night, and getting White Castles.  

Saturday – I had plans with Ginny at 8, but me and Jackass had an old friend  in from Arizona, so I tried to have my cake and eat it too…. Well like Icurus I reached to close to the sun, and got burned…real bad.  It was real good to see this friend, and I laughed real hard at all the good times we had. Then my and Jackass got to drinking, and Tallegdega came out too. Lets just say there are ALOT of memory gaps, and I woke up in my bed, not know how I got there, and how there was O.S. in my fridge. One of the containers had just 2 mushrooms in it. Was I full, and wanted to save the two mushrooms or something.  I have no clue.

Sunday – I rose from the grave, and had to go to the cemetary with my grandfather to see my grandmothers grave, and go to a special mass.  I just chilled the rest of the day, and I’m pissed at myself pulling into my garage I got the angle wrong, and scratched my shit up.

Also Commando lost her grandfather this weekend, My heart, thoughts, and prayers goes out to her. Her, and her family are such good people it pains me to see them hurt.

Photo Friday

Posted in Art of Man with tags on November 4, 2011 by theerivs

She’s just hot.