Here I Go Again On My Own

I had to break up with the one I love. It was very hard because I love her to death. I won’t go into details, but when I needed her love and compassion the most, she only gave me pain, and heartache. I thought she was the one. I thought she was my last. She proved me wrong. I bare her no ill will. I wish her the best, and I hope she finds happiness. Does it hurt? Yes more than you can imagine, but then again pain and misery I felt so much in my life at some point you just become numb to it.

My mother is in the hospital again, and this time it isn’t good. It’s hard to visit her because she is delirous, so much so she is in restraints, and to see someone you love in restraints is enough to drive you to anger. When I get angry, bad things happen. I swear I’m on a knives edge, and about to toss someone out the fucking window at the hospital, but my Mom is only on the second floor, that person won’t get hurt.  I found out Friday that they found Cancer in her colon when they did the operation to repair her messed up colon. They have to run more tests to see how bad it is, they can’t right now because she has to heal from her operation.

Meanwhile I have to spend nights at my mothers, because my stepdad is in such bad shape, he can’t be left alone. I am having a rough time sleeping there, and thank God I can run World of Warcraft off my Mom’s computer, only thing that is keeping me somewhat sane. I have a little resentment towards the fact that the duty falls on my head, but my nephew stepped up one day, let me recharge my battery. I used that day to visit friends, and thank god for my friends. I had so many laughs Sunday, it really did do me good. What will happen to him if something happens to my mother, I don’t know. I really don’t.

Well as bleak as things may seem. I know that this too shall pass, and I’m quite stocked up on whiskey at the house so that’s a good thing

 

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3 Responses to “Here I Go Again On My Own”

  1. Im sorry for the pain I caused you, I wanted to be there for you but you pushed me away,and told me you wanted me out of your life and to come get my things, I tried to talk to you that morning but you said no its done, I didn’t blame you for doing that because of the night before and what I said to you, I regret every bit of it,but your mad because I went out that morning after I tried to talk to you and be there, but you refused to talk to me, I wanted to be there I wanted to make things better, I love you more then anything and I would do anything to be back with you. I’m sorry for what you are going through, I still hope we can talk things out and be happy again

  2. How do I mend your broken heart? When I know your entire world has fallen apart? How do I find the hope in a brand new day? When the one I love has gone away! My mind overflows with memories of you, of all that we shared, all that we knew. I long for your touch and your warm embrace, the look in your eyes the smile on your face, my dreams are filled with your soft gentle kiss, I wake and cry for all that I miss
    How do I mend your broken heart? My heart only knows to love only you, it won’t let go, what do I do? Our memories together were precious and few but I cherished them all, more then you know. I love you my angel and always will, I loved you then and I love you still!

  3. I wanted my happiness with you, I wanted to be your last, I just wish I didn’t say those awful things to you, I never meant to hurt you, I will regret this for the rest of my life! I made a mistake, My heart is broken because I broke your heart! I miss you so much! I hope we can make this better and you could trust me again when I promised you that I wouldn’t say mean things or act selfish, I meant it very much, I miss all the comforting moments we spent together and laughs we shared. I love you river and I only wanted to make things right

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