This to shall pass

So they say. My dad will need dialysis, though it sucks and it will be hard for him. It’s better then his other option….dead. I was watching him sleep, breathing hard yesterday. It strengthen my resolve to get the gastric bypass, I do not want to end up like him. So the pain of gastric bypass, and the trials and tribulations will be well worth it, if in the end I don’t end up having to do dialysis…or worse.

As for my mother, she looks better then she did, but she is still grossly underweight, and her hands are still shaking, and she is still not 100% mentally there. I gave her a birthday card yesterday, she looked at it for about 10 minutes not understanding what it said, in the end I read it.  Ginny brought her a card with a buff guy on the front, My Mom said it looked like me. I told her she keeps talking like that, she’ll never get out of the hospital.

As for Ginny, it was really nice of her to bring my Mom a flower, and a card. I don’t hate Ginny, I really don’t, and perhaps I am being a little harsher then I should be. I feel I must. I want her to be happy, she says she was happy with me. If she was happy I don’t think she would of acted out the way she did, and said the hurtful things she did.  I know she loves me, and cares about me. She accused me of not feeling about it. There are nights I cry thinking over it, and this decision will haunt me for a long time.

Am I making a mistake? Most likely. Will I regret my actions? Most assuredly.  Then why don’t I suck up my pride, and just forgive her, and take her back. Yet again it goes back to my father. Ginny reminds me alot about my mother, a kind gentle woman but there is a streak of selfishness there. My mother left my father over money. After years he spent trying his best to please her, and give her whatever she wanted…she left.  It nearly destroyed my father.  For 8 months I worked to make Ginny happy, but it was never enough. If she truly loved me she wouldn’t of done some of the things she did, not just the exploding at me. The hanging out with all dudes, or going on that bike run. There are certain things a woman in a committed relationship should not do, if she didn’t realize that, then she is selfish.  I WILL NOT end up like my father. So I have to bid her farewell, if she for one moment treated me with a little more compassion, and understanding. Instead of flying off the handle saying some hurtful things, or done things that gave me grief, then we would still be together.

Will I find love again? Will my parents be ok? Will I have the strength for the Gastric Bypass?

I don’t know. I am a slave to fate….but all these troubles will pass. and a new set of problems will arise. it’s the way of things.  I don’t have a Chaos tattoo on me for nothing.

13 Responses to “This to shall pass”

  1. I’m sorry for doing those things, I said, before I went on the freedom run that I will stay with you and won’t go and you agreed. The next day I came over and you told me you wanted me to go, you said you should go! You said it meant alot to you that I wanted to stay, And I said no I’m staying, you wanted me to go and I asked if you would be mad if I did and you said no. I’m not trying to be selfish in any way or rehash anything but I grew up around bikes because of my father and uncle! I enjoy it! And I always invite you when I go out with my friends, I want you by my side always, your what I need, let me
    Show you, I will make changes and we could both be happy,I want to be there when it come s time for your surgery and take care of you
    I would do anything that makes you happy, Im not in a relationship for money or material things, I want us to be there for each other I want to be there when you go through everything including your surgery

  2. Your my heart and I’ll give you my all, no mean things said no selfishness, you have my full attention and love

    • theerivs Says:

      These are things you should of said and done. WHEN we were going out. Only now without me in your life do you realize.

      It should of never been a question if you should of went to the bike run or not. Should of thought to yourself, Gee what a great guy he’s not forbidding me to go because of his insecurities, but it still bothers him I know it. So I still won’t go. But nope you went.

      Now you can hang out with all the dudes you want in a big bukakke, circle jerk for all I care.

  3. I just wanted to add because I forgot to mention this earlier, it had to hurt very much when your mom left but you can’t compare a relationship based off what happened to your mom and dad, every relationship is different its not fair to make comparisons with every relationship your in. if you do that in every relationship your in, there will always be something that triggers a memory to compare and you won’t be happy! And I know everyone wants to be happy, there is no perfect relationship, its all a work in progress, that’s how life is. 😉

  4. You told me to go, I said I was staying so why did you tell me to go, I would’ve stayed, I wouldn’t be upset I would’ve got over it! I don’t want to hang out with dudes! I want to hang out with you. I hang out with guys and girls! I tell you everything, where I’m going what I’m doing, I even offer you to go or meet me there, so why jelous I never gave you a reason not to trust me, I don’t tell you that you can’t go somewhere I wouldn’t like. I spent alot of time with you, I know you where also worried about my safety on a bike, but it could be anywhere, I could be in my car, walking outside, train anything could happen, I also stated that this was my last year going on the run and I meant that but you probably don’t remember me saying that to you, I was willing to make sacrafices for our relationship, I rather go places with you, travel and do different things together, I don’t need dudes, I told you what I wanted

  5. I did say good things to you when I was with you,
    I use to text you saying I hope you have a good day hun, or be the first to say I love you before ending our conversation, we should be focusing on the good times. We had many!

  6. There is no should or should not in anything we do theres just what you do and what you do not do there should never be expectations of mind reading in relationships. Individuals cannot expect others to think the way they do everyone is their own person. The words should and should not place expectation of what someone thinks someone else can do according to what their values are, not the other persons. Communication and trust are two major things needed in relationships. If you want someone to do something say it, if you don’t want them to do something say it. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When people test their partners the result is usually failure bec they say one thing and expect them to do something different

    • theerivs Says:

      Ok “B”, If the girl I’m seeing is greatly offended I go to strip clubs, she has told me many occasions it upsets her, yet she doesn’t want to force me to do anything so she says it’s fine to go, even though it causes her distress. Is it love that even though it bothers her I still go, with disregard to her feelings, even though she said it was fine?

      There are certain things people shouldn’t do in a committed relationship, and if you keep on doing those activities you did while you were single, you won’t be in a committed relationship for long.

      • I want to say so much more but I won’t I’ll be good! Biting that tongue!

      • theerivs Says:

        Go ahead say what you want, but the more you say the more angry I get. Cause your trying to blame me for stuff, it wasn’t me you degraded the other person, so much so when I got devastating news, you still felt the need to lash out.

        If you want any kind of civility from me in the near future, you better just be quiet and move on.

      • I’m sorry but I’m gonna say something, about me having guy friends? those guys that are my friends have girl friends and wives and I’m friends with them too. Talk about me? You have tons of females that always come up to you, that your friends with, I don’t care and I never said shit to you about that, and
        whenever I went out I asked you to come out with me, I was committed to
        you and I don’t give a fuck if you went
        to a strip club as long as you don’t do
        anything stupid. BTW glad all the girls liked your hair :p

      • theerivs Says:

        I never said you couldn’t have guy friends but there are things and situations you would do a girl in a committed relation should do. When I went out to dinner with that girl alone, you were very upset. I realized that was wrong. Never did it again. Even after I told you my objections you just kept up the activity. Oh stuff like hanging out at bars with just dudes, texting/calling a certain person almost as much as me, and finally a bike run.

        I am not saying you should or should not do something, but you should know what is right, and what is wrong. You wouldn’t like it if there was a certain girl I talked to just to shoot the shit for 20 minutes interrupted our time together, yet you thought it ok to talk to this dude. If it was an emergency I could see, but just to shoot the shit, I had to wait there with our show paused like a jack ass.

        Yes I have tons of female friends, but I know there are boundries I shouldn’t cross, and my phone doesn’t blow up the way yours does, and who is it most of the time…some dude. Despite my complaints, and grievances you just don’t care. You just kept doing what YOU wanted to do, while if I did remotely the same thing you would go into a tizzy, and call me an asshole.

  7. I’m not blaming you but your right but you knew exactly who I was talking to every time, and you went with me that time I met up with people in the bar, Yea it was guys but you where there and intruduced you to them and that was the last time I met up with them at a bar, and I apologize for my friends brother acting like a doushe, you know I would’ve jumped in of I heard him giving you shit! But anyways I have nothing to hide and I don’t remember you saying that to me, if it bothered you so much, we should’ve talked about it more calmly, my apologies for all the times I snapped, I admit I was wrong for that. I wish I could take it all back or say something to make you feel better but there isn’t and I could sit here and pour my heart out but I know nothing will change. I love you and I’m an idiot, I lost the one I love so much but I learned my lesson 😦 I know I already said this but I hope everything goes well with your parents. I’ll keep them and you in my thoughts and prayers! Take care

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