I think I finally snapped, between what has all happened. From seeing my mother, trying to pull against her restraints, and in a state of madness, from seeing my dad look like he was near death, the profound sadness over my best friend’s father, or  to having a knife stuck in my heart by my ex-girlfriend.

I feel empty, devoid, numb like there’s no more emotion in me, things just aren’t making me happy like they use too. . It’s not depression, cause sadness would be something. I feel like a robot, or I was made of stone. Usually I get real excited about the annual Tinley Park block party. Not this year, I just don’t even feel like going. I’m kind of forcing myself, going through the motions so to speak. I thought getting my hair dyed blonde would kickstart something, it just didn’t do the trick.

Maybe given time I’ll get back to my old self, but the times have changed, things have changed….perhaps my old self is gone.

3 Responses to “Emptiness”

  1. I’m sorry you feel that way and for what happened with us, you know I never meant it, I still think about us alot, I miss us, I’m not trying to rehash anything, I know I was wrong, I really would like to just talk with you sometime in the future and I hope everything is going well with your family.

  2. Your old self isn’t gone its still there, try to focus on the positive and think about the goodtimes you had with family and friends even me. :/ I know we been through alot together and it wasn’t all bad.

  3. You know what they say, “When you’re going through hell, keep on going.” That’s the only thing you can do. Seeing a parent (Or in your case, parents) sick is one of the hardest things to have to deal with. I remember it all too well. It sucks and unfortunately it’s going to be a part of most of our lives. You might feel helpless, sad and even angry. Those feelings are all normal. All you can do in life is “keep on going.” You can do it, I know you can. Does it suck? Hell yeah it does, but we don’t have a choice in life. We have to push through the tough stuff. Take whatever support from your friends and family that they are offering. It’s just as important to them to be able to help as it is for you to accept it.

    Ok enough of that… Your breath stinks. Did you eat a pile of shit or something? Brush your fucking teeth! (ok I feel better now that I’ve insulted you)

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