Archive for August, 2012

Hollow Man

Posted in My demons with tags on August 15, 2012 by theerivs

Monday Hangover

Posted in General Life, River with tags on August 13, 2012 by theerivs

Well for most of the weekend I was pretty good. Friday stayed in played some video games. Then Saturday went out to dinner with my father, and brother. We hung out with him awhile, and then he started crying. He said he was happy. Me and Bro made him laugh again by cracking jokes. It’s hard to see my father cry. He was my hero growing up, larger then life, I feared and respected him. It’s wierd seeing him in this state. It sucks growing old. 

After that I went to a bonfire, it was an old friends birthday it was a nice mellow time. my friend girlfriend made dates, wrapped in bacon. They were fricking good. I am a firm believer anything wrapped in bacon is tasty.We were talking about the changes in our friends lives, and Towelie brought up a point. We are sad because we don’t like change. He’s right part of the human condition I guess. I called it an early evening.

Went to Mass Sunday with my Grandfather, and breakfast. It was nice.  Then I went to work for a couple hours, it was easy. Then I went to a party. There it got a little nutty, a bunch of girls getting drunk, acting fools.  I had a good time, but I left around 1030. I should of been in heaven pretty girls making out on my lap for christs sake. Part of me wasn’t.  I don’t know sometimes even in a crowded place surrounded with my friends. I feel alone still.

I went home, smoked a cigar on my balcony. As I watched the smoke go to the sky, my brain wandered. Did I make a mistake with Ginny? Was I unfair?  I do love her, but why did she have to do those things? why did she try to decieve me?

In the end of the night, I put my cigar out. As the last of the smoke flew up to the sky, I added the days regrets onto the pile, and went to bed…alone.

High School Football

Posted in Art of Man, General Life, River on August 8, 2012 by theerivs

One of the things I truly miss are my High School Football days, even though I hated school with a passion. The practices were rough, and at the time I hated it alot. There are things about it I loved, and still love to this day.

1. The Camaraderie – It was like a brotherhood, which some bonds still remain today. When you bleed, sweat, and cry together it creates these bonds, and whenever I see a fellow player it’s like we never stopped being friends. I remember it was 2-a-day practices in the boiling late summer sun, and we were running an ungodly amount. I was the last of the team to finish, and i thought I was going to die, but there’s my whole team cheering me on, there is no other feeling that I could compare to it…but just awesome.

2. The Recognition – Now I’m not saying I lack in friends these days, but back then I was known for something I did well, instead of being just a guy you see in the bar all the time. Also being in the paper a few times helped feed my internal attention whore. Nothing compares to walking on the field at night, with the lights on, and a crowd cheering you, and screaming your name.

3. The Purpose – I am not really the leader of men, I am a damn good follower. The Coached gave us goals, and I endeavored to reach those goals. Every child I think needs this sort of structure, alas when the structure was gone and I was left to my own devices….let’s just say I went a little nuts.  My Coach wanted me to lose weight to become faster, and stronger, In sophmore year I was pushing 380lbs, by the time senior year hit I was 275 of lean, mean monster. Couldn’t of done that without  purpose that the coaches inspired in me. I ended up winning an award senior year as most improved player.

4. The Aggression – I got to release all my problems and woes on my opponent. The brutality of the game channeled my aggression in a way that was safe. My team was called the Titans, and I felt like one when I entered the battle. Hitting other players with full for force, or taking the blows defending the other players from harm. No matter how angry I was at the world, by the time practice, or a game was over, I didn’t have any of it. I remember at practice though, me and the other biggest guy of the team would square off, and just the crack of us colliding together was deafening, like two monsters of old going against each other…truly epic.

5. The Fun Times – Wasn’t all hard work, and brutality. Had some great times, like when me and fellow football players would goof on each other, or hang out. I remember a bunch of us going to a teen club, and just having a great time, or having one of the players toss a party. I remember a couple of african american teammates invited me to a party, and I was the only white guy there. That was a different experience for sure.

To this day, when I hear someones son is going into football, or is in football, I smile and envy them a little, cause I know it’s going to be one of the best time of their lifes.

Monday Hangover

Posted in General Life, River with tags on August 6, 2012 by theerivs

Well this weekend was quite packed with stuff to do.

Friday we had Free Pizza Friday at JWH. Met up with some friends. Torino, Commando, Tallegdega, Frumpy, German, and a whole lot more people were there, even Jackass’s parents were there. It was nice low-key. I probably should apologize to Frumpy, gave here more shit then usual. She’s like a little sister to me, and how we roll in our family is we tease each other, she got a couple shots in which makes me laugh.

Saturday I had a few bdays to go to, but I fell asleep, woke up about 11pm. Got to one birthday, and did a shot with an old friend. I could not stay too long, had another bday to attend. When I got to JWH, they were there, later I found out they went to another bar and didn’t notify anyone.  Oh well I had a good time, me and Torino hit things hard, and I did a little bar tour, even ended up at Kickoffs, and then to White Castles…Ugh.  From what I hear Torino had a real good day, drinking until 10am. Oh dear.  That’s drinking like a boss.

Sunday came and I was hurting a bit. I had to go to at least one Mass, so I crawled my sorry ass out of bed, and went to the noon mass. I was mildly surprised my Grandpa showed up, I usually ask what mass he’s going to so I can go to the same one, but he wasn’t feeling good saturday so I didn’t think he was going to make it. So it was a real nice surprise.  So after a nap, I was going to go to JWH for one or two drinks and sit on the patio and watch the world go by.

That wasn’t meant to be. Tallegdega, Passion, Sissy, Ice were all there celebrating, Jackass showed up, and even Black Dynamite was there. Yeah let’s just say I passed my one or two quota. At the end of the night, Jackass and me got into a heart to heart talk. There’s not much I could say to take away the pain, the only thing I can do is to keep doing what I’ve been doing, and be there for him.

So I am hurting a tosh today, I’m way out of practice. Overall though I had fun, and I haven’t had that much fun in some time.

End of an Era

Posted in General Life, Philosophy, River with tags , on August 2, 2012 by theerivs

All thing change, it’s the nature of things. Even though I dislike change, I realize there is nothing I can do to stop it. So I deal with change with this grudgingly forced stoicism. My parents are growing older, and they are in a time in their life they will lean on me more for support. My brother is doing his own thing more. As for me, I have loved and lost.

All of things sadden me just a tad, but one thing that saddens me is my best friend Jackass is moving off of Oak Park Avenue or OPA. It’s the downtown district of my hometown Tinley Park. Though I am very happy for my friend, who is moving on with his life. There is a part of me that is sad, not because I no longer will have a base of operations on OPA, but it’s the final death knell for the end of this era.

No matter how old i get I will always remember the great times spent there. Times like boxing with Hulk Gloves, Jackass swing a bat screaming, “Joe Fucking DiMaggio”, Waking up finding a pot near me, or writing all over me, Chilling with my friends there, pregaming for Bears games. I can go on, and on.  I think the times I cherish the most is when two friend sit and drink on the park bench, and talk about their problems.

I wanted to thank Jackass for his generosity, and all the laughs, not that this is an end, but it is a new chapter, and I’m sure we’ll have a lot of laughs still, but those days in the past were a little simpler, or a little more care free. I think Bob Hope said it best though, “Thanks for the Memories”