Monday Hangover

Well it must be Monday, cause my kidney hurts, and I feel like I got beat the hell up.  Friday was a nice quiet evening, spent it with some friends chillin at their house. Saturday was totally different.  Went out to the JWH, and started hammering it. Saw one of my favorite bands Metal College, they play like older 80’s/90’s rock.  Then went to Teehans, and Durbins.  I passed out at my friends Jackass’s crib watching Tallegdaga Nights. “If you ain’t first, your last”. I came to with a blonde Jenny standing over me. She was saying something, I just said, “Goodbye.”, and rolled over went back to bed.

Jackass had a girl in his room, so that meant when I woke up, I got the hell out of there. It’s not uncommon that if he has a girl, that I might be the one ending up taking her home. Not that it happens all the time, but enough where I really feel like Driving Miss Daisy. So I told him my new rule, “You Ride It, You Drive It.”  I’m going to get that on a shirt I think.

Sunday….Sunday….Sunday…It was the Lynyrd Skynyrd/Kid Rock concert. Jackass and Me started at 2:30pm drinking, then #1 joined us. I was drunk even before going to the concert. It was one of thee greatest shows ever, had so much fun Lynaryd ROCKED, and Kid was good too. Just feel good great music. The crowd was awesome. Went with some real good friends. I can’t say enough what an awesome time.

Well we got seperated from the people we drove with, and at the end of the concert we went out looked for them. They weren’t there. I called the girl we went with, I said, “Where ya at?”  Her reply, ” Home.”  I was like, ” Wha???”  She started giving me the story, something bout getting kicked out…I hung up on her. Most of my friends were still in the concert sticking around.  Me and Jackass started walking home. Let me tell you it was a long walk. We got a hold of some friends, and they picked us up half way, but it’s still a long walk.

So after a few more, I was done for the evening. I was walking back to my car. I saw the dudes car who took us in front of Durbins. I was going to let it lie, so I walked past…then I thought. Screw that, I’m going to give this mofo a piece of my mind. I turned around, and stormed into Durbins.  First thing the dude did was apologized. He apologized so much, that it abated my anger.  He said once he left he couldn’t get back in, he didn’t have our numbers, etc.etc. Which is all true. He wanted to buy me a few drinks, but I had to go. So I said I’ll take a raincheck.

Though I was really pissed last night, this morning in the light of day it isn’t so bad…yea I had to walk a bit. But what if something bad happened to that girl. I would of felt really bad indeed.

Next week Poison/Def Lepperd/ Cheap Trick…..pure awesome.

A word about McNair

“Air” McNair was a great quarterback. Just because he was a good player, doesn’t make him a good man. We see this alot with athletes, good on the field, doesn’t mean good at life. Don’t get me wrong there are ALOT of players that do good on the field,  are caring, and good individuals.

One of these players is Walter Payton who I idolize as the epitome of being a champion on, and off the field. 

I’m not saying McNair deserved his fate. No one does to be shot in cold blood.  I hope there is a special hell for that girl.  I am saying this to you. If Mcnair wasn’t cheating, if he was doing right by his family, this wouldn’t happen. He would be alive enjoying the fruits of his labor.  

Sometimes karma is a bitch. Remember you should do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do, and for no other reason.

 

Mike’s Pic of the Week – Every Friday I’ll post a pic for Mike.

Kary-o-kay

#1, Nascar, and Towelie went up to  JWH last night for a bit of Karoake and beers. After our collective ears were bleeding, I do  beleive karoake should have a little clown with a hook if your to bad, or a breathalyzer so the machine doesn’t work if you blow too high, like .2 or something.

I sang “You may be Right” by Billy Joel, my throat was feeling bad, and I wasn’t into it, but when the girl who does the Karoake begs me to sing, while rubbing up against me. Yea I don’t care if I got a hole in my throat I’m singing.  Fricking Towelie wanted me to do Snow “Informer” , Yeah that would kill me.  Though I like it when other people pick songs for me, some I won’t do, but I don’t mind doing a goofy song. I am an attention whore ya’know.

Had a few laughs, Nascar affixed to the race news, by the way I’m a huge Kyle Bush fan now, just because everyone who I talked to about Nascar hates Kyle, plus I just love saying “Kyle Bush!!” can’t get anymore hick then that.  I wanted Towelie to sing Barry White in a Towelie voice, would be awesome.  I was trying to aggravate #1, I just love doing that, the more pissed she gets the more funny i think it is. Though I have to watch it, she goes for the balls…literally.

Last night, because my ears were bleeding, and I some of the people sounded worse the taking a rusty nail to a chalkboard. I am going to offer some tips from my vast experience with karoake, from an barstaff and patron perspective. 

Here’s some tips -

1. Pick a good song – Song Selection is your key. I try not to pick to hard of a song. I know my limits.  If you have a deep voice, don’t pick Micheal Jackson, or if you got a high voice, try to stay away from say Barry White. Also pick a song that is upbeat, and fun. You may suck, but if your having fun it shows, and the crowd will have fun.  If you suck like I do, try to pick a song that doesn’t have a lot of words, and maybe some musical interludes. 

           1a- Depressing songs – DON’T! NO! Save it for the car ride home, where you can cry in peace.

           1b -Cheesy 80’s/90’s music - You can’t go wrong, usually. May I suggest AHA- Take On Me.

2. The words are on the screen – Use them. No excuse to mumble. If the song is a fast one and you can’t keep up, you should of refer to rule one.

3. Be a little animated – You may suck, but if you dance around like a jackass. It will make the crowd laugh, and get into it a bit.

4. Have fun – Don’t be to serious, this isn’t American Idol. It’s a bar, and people want to be entertained.

“Drunk Actions make for Sober Thoughts.” ~ #1

#1 said this, and I have been rolling it around in my head for a bit.  She probably meant that things done while drunk are probably born in sober thoughts. That while drunk you would do stuff that you wouldn’t really do while sober. Oh say like wearing makeup.  

It’s true to a point. but most of the stuff i do drunk, I would do sober as well, sure.  Then again I’m an attention whore, with no shame. Sing poorly, dance like a fool, do stupid crap, ride cookie sheets down a hall, jumo friends in a moped, put make up on,  tell someone i love their sister to the point of aggravation, and aggravate people in general, call a girl a tranny, etc. etc. The list of stuff I would do sober or drunk is pretty damn long.   It’s not the fact that I’m sober or drunk that I do these things. I want people to have fun when I’m out, if that means spending an extra buck, or playing the fool, so be it.  The bottom line is I don’t really care what other people think as long as their having fun.

Now this is where it is rolling in my head, when I’m drunk two things may happen, that I wonder where they come from.

1. Angry River- Once in a while I get angry, like I was at Bailey’s bar, and I just snapped at this old guy. Where does he come from? That guy was just looking at me, and I ended up threatening to break his hip.  One night I tossed ice at a wall, why I don’t know?  I just get Angry, could it be the whiskey doing it to me, but I drink alot of whiskey. So I don’t know why sometimes I get mean, and sometimes I don’t

2. Disappearing River – I get some sort of wanderlust in me. I can’t stay at one place too long. I don’t quite know what it is. Maybe it’s like George Costanza and I try to leave on top.  I don’t think I’m bored with the current situation when I want to leave. I just do. Sometimes I use to leave to go home, and when home was an hour away that was a bad thing when your drunk…real bad.

These are the drunken actions I wonder where they are in my sober thoughts so I can get rid of them.

Are we becoming Socialists?

We just celebrated the birth of our nation. I love America, I love everything about America. Hell I don’t even want to visit other places I love it so much. There’s something weighing on my mind though, I don’t mean to sound alarmist, or like there’s some sort of conspiricy theory.  I think this country is slipping into Socialism.

What is Socialism?

“Socialism refers to any one of various theories of economic organization advocating state or cooperative ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods, and a society characterized by equal opportunities/means for all individuals with a more egalitarian method of compensation based on the full product of the laborer”   – Wikipedia

In other words it’s Communism’s nicer brother.

Lets take a look where we are headed.

The government keeps cracking down on us. We need to wear seatbelts, you should stop smoking, on holidays we have checkpoints to go through for “seat belt safety”, and you can’t do lines of a hookers ass. Our rights keep getting slowly taken away, one by one. The laws keep piling up. Coupled with the fact that the government has it’s hands on several institutions now like banking, and the auto industry.

This country was born of rebellion, and strife. Sure were a little more violent, a little more obese, a little more crazy about our guns, and trucks. You know what though, when shit hits the fan, I would rather stand with my fellow Americans then with anyone else. I think in times of crisis thats where we shine.

The world hates us, the left hate that, and want America to be just like Europe. In that agenda I fear for this country, I fear where this road is heading us.  One of these days the government will go to far, they will tax us a little too much, or put a rule upon us that goes a little too far. Thats the day I hop in a pickup truck with some good ole boys, and toss some proverbial tea into the harbor.

Where do you see this country in 10 years?

Extended Monday Hangover

Ok I have a friend we’ll call him Towelie. Why Towelie he does a spot on impression of him. It’s awesome had me rolling. First met him while bouncing, and just over the year we became better, and better friends. Through him I met Nascar his sister, and a bunch of other people. His wife, who we will call RJ tried to stab me, well I thought she was, but thats another story.

Anywho Towelie, and Nascar’s  Mom is in the hospital getting some pretty serious surgery today. Please put them in your prayers and thoughts. Their good people, and they need some good luck to swing their way.

Ok onto my drunken debauchery stories.

Thursday:

 I was a good boy, just went to dinner with a friend. Hung out with her a bit. A nice quiet evening.  I went to Beggers Pizza, I love their thin crust. We had their deep dish, not a huge fan of it. We watched some HBO together. One show Pornocopia really intriqued me. It was about the porn industry, and it’s just emulates a real business it’s really bizarre.  Like at one point people are having sex, and while this is going on the director and some other guys are talking how good some cereal is.

Friday:

A different story. Pregamed it at my friend Jackass’s place. Alot of my friends went over there to start the night. I brought a bottle of Early Times Whiskey. Hey 12 bucks, and a 2 liter of pop = Good time. Before I went out I drank most of it too. There’s this bench out in front of Jackass’s that has Batman throwing a punch, and it saw POW on it. I knew it was going to be one of those nights when half our crew was taking pictures to make it look like Batman was fisting them. Before Hitting the JWH, Me and Jackass hit the Durbins. Saw a friend of mine an Older Bob.  Real good guy, but makes me sad sometimes cause I think he’s lonely. 

We then hit JWH this is where it gets fuzzy….real fuzzy. I know i was doing shots of Fecking Irish Whiskey, and Jamesons. I know I ran into some people I knew, but really the details really blurred. I did go to Teehans get my Irish Car bomb, and then headed to Durbins. I was really drunk, and I guess I was dancing, and sleeping on the bar a bit…No I meant resting my eyes. Yea that’s it.

Durbins close, me and Jackass just sat and drank on that Batman bench until 4am, and I think I crashed after that in Jackass’s place.  

I woke up at Jackass’s feeling like I got hit by a 2×4 and sweating like I was on a African slave ship. Thank god for Mickey D’s, and Fiji Water.

Saturday:

Was the 4th proper, it’s also my Moms Birthday. So i spent some time with her, did some chores around the house. By the time i got out it was a little late to hit one party. RJ’s  relatives which sucks, cause I totally have a crush on one of her cousins. So I hooked up with Jackass later, and I called Old Bob out. We started the shots, so much so I got a little hammered, and started calling a girl a shemale. You know just saying things like, “Damn, maybe you should get a scarf to hide your Adams Apple” , and ”Holy crap, you can palm a basketball with those man hands.”  I guess girls don’t like being called that stuff…go figure. So she got really pissed to the point where I felt bad. Maybe I shouldn’t said, “Later Dude!” When she left in a fit.

Later that Night went to a friends House party. Where I earned an extended nickname. M.D.  This girl was sitting on my lap, and I go, “That’s not my cell phone.” She pokes me in the stomach and goes, “What a mushy dick?”, and then started calling me River M.D. Odd thing is it has a nice ring to it.  Just great times, good friends, good food, good laughs.  We left there, and headed to Durbins to finish the night. I sobered up because there was a bad fog, I was driving, and the next day was my Mom’s surprise bday party. So I left Jackass at Durbins, to scare the hot girls away.

Sunday:

Was my Mom’s surprise party, it was a great success. She didn’t have a clue. Had some old friends there, and my family. Don’t get me wrong I love all my family to death, but after all of them in one place, I need a beer or two.  Later that night I went out for a couple beers, met #1, Nascar, Her Sister, and Significant Other, Towelie, his wife RJ, and some Jenny. Had a couple beers there, and some laughs.  I also stopped up had a beer with the bartender of Durbins. She is just a really down to earth, nice person, and I enjoy talking to her.

So that was my weekend. Some really good fun.  Hopefull everything will work out with my Friend’s mom and we all can have a great July.

Thursday Hangover

She'll feel that this morning...and tomorrow...maybe Sunday.

 

 

 

 

What the hell?!?! A Thursday Hangover. Yep, and I am truly hurting today. I went out for a Jenny’s birthday last night at good ole JWH. 5 dollar pitchers. Alot of my friends were up there, even Jackass and #1 made it out, but I get ahead of myself.

This night I went out saying to myself, ok I’ll have a couple of pitchers, a couple of shots, and I’ll leave at midnight.

 Well a Jenny showed up, who we will now dub Nascar. Nascar is a very cool chick, very cultured, and refined….but she like’s Nascar, when I first heard it, I was like Wha? Your screwing with me. No she was serious, and not only does she like Nascar, she’s rabid about it. Like I mention another racer whom she disliked, I thought she was going to tear my throat out. Anywho Nascar was there, which was really nice. Nascar is going through a rough patch, and I love it when she has a good time. Also a buddy of mine was there, and he got hammered. I don’t think I seen this guy hammered in quite some time.  Some other Jenny’s and friends were there to celebrate this girl’s birthday.

Oh another Jenny and her fiance came out, they are really good people. This Jenny we’ll dub Tina, as in Tina Turner. I met Tina at the bar I use to work at,  she use to come up for karoake. She is one of thee best singers I heard, and she’s just fabulous person as well. So it was a real treat to see her, and see her sing as well.

Within 20 minutes of walking into the bar, I met a Jenny who was a friend of a friend. So we were chatting, and I found out she lived downtown. I asked her what she did, she replied, “I make fetish documenteries.”  I was like interesting, but the conversation got more, and more so. I found out she was bisexual. She was beautiful, and I did have a bit of a crush. Then when I was dancing with her, she took my head and placed it in her cleavage. So I motorboated her. I thought to myself, I can’t go out with a chick like this…I’ll be dead in a week. She’s a sports car chick, and I’m more of a family 4door type dude. Her type of honesty though was refreshing, I would love to get to know her better,for the simple fact I’m sure she has some awesome stories.

So after I got a few in me for liquid courage, I sang my signature song Jungle Love, by The Time. I love that band. I think my performance was ok, a little rusty, but then again I think the last time I did Karoake was 4 years ago.  I also sang Twisted Sister, my performance was a little rough on that cause my voice was killing me, but I belted it out.

As the night wore on #1 showed up, I think because her crush showed up we call him the Gootch. He’s got a tongue like the exorcist. #1 says she wasn’t going to show up, and a friend texted her saying Gootch was up there, 5 minutes later she appeared. Strange….also I found out she loves getting her ass slapped really hard. What kind of freaks do I hang with?

Jackass made an appearance as well, thats when I knew I won’t be making the midnight window of going home.

Jackass and me left JWH as they closed, and went to Durbins, well i don’t want to get anyone in trouble…but I didn’t get home until 4ish, and Durbins closes at 2am.

So yeah it’s going to be rough day…indeed.

As special treat theres a pic of someone i know, drunken injuries are the worst kind because you don’t feel them until your sober. Supposedly the person in this pic isn’t afraid of bugs, she should be afraid of maybe the ground.

What I’m afraid of.

There’s not much I’m afraid of in this world, so I thought I would share something I am afraid of.

Bugs!  They really just give me the willies. I think it all started when I was a little tyke, I saw a movie called Creepshow, not a very good movie for a 8 year old I think. So in this movie there’s a part where bugs attack this old guy, and at the end the guy is just laying there, then bugs start popping out of his body. Coupled with the fact that you hear wives tales of bugs laying eggs in humans.

To me they are like little aliens, invading, and living in our area. You’d think they see a giant and know fear, nope, no fear those things.  They breed incessently. Like the movie Starship Troopers say, “The only good bug, is a dead bug”

So what are you afraid of?

Being a Monster

I told you I was insane, now it’s time to share a little bit of that insanity. When you get angry, you might lose some control, when I get angry…real angry I turn into a Monster.  You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.  

When I was born the doctor declared, “Look at that Monster!” My Mom thought I was a mutant. It’s a theme that would follow me for all my life. My earliest memories of when people would say, “Look at the paws on this kid, he’s going to be a monster.”  I was the biggest kid in my school all the way up to High School, which I was pretty much in the top 5 of the biggest kids in school.

They wanted a Monster, I will give them one. I remember the exact moment I let the Monster out.  I was in 4th grade, a 6th grade bully was picking on me. I flipped out, I grabbed him by the throat, shoved him against the wall. I remember just choking him, and him begging me to stop. A teacher pulled me off of him, and I later had to apologize. I wasn’t sorry though.

I never was a bully, but when pushed enough I would let the Monster go. It’s alot like the Hulk is, Savage, and Animalistic. I am not in full control when it is upon me. No I don’t turn green, and gain superhuman strength.  I have taken steel chairs, cue sticks, and assorted other things upside my head without a mere flinch.  I know I am not the strongest person, but what I lack in strength I make up in craziness. It’s the savagery that wins out, most people are worried about something. I do not care about my personal welfare when the Monster is upon me. So that usually wins the day.

In Football, I was in my element, I would let the hate consume me. I remember an opposing team member was on the ground, instead of helping him up, I spit on him, and said “Stay down, Mother Fucker” That hat led me to an “Most Improved Player” Award, as well as a bunch more accolades.

After that the outlet for the Monster was bouncing. I remember one time, while bouncing I was beating the crap out of a guy, the one with the cuestick that hit me, his blood was splattering all over me from hitting him, and I was laughing, and enjoying it.  By the time I was done with him, he was a crying, bloody mess, and the cops then hauled him off. 

There are alot of bad things I done, and this Monster helped me accomplish my goals when I needed things done. For example a bookie paying me money to beat the crap out of someone, or someone who threatened a love one. It helped me when I was in Jail, for to survive there you need to be a Monster, for there are only Monsters in jail. Part of the problem is I enjoy the savagery. I enjoy the Monster, and when he is out. I never felt more alive. Things slow down, take on a surreal quality. dreamlike almost.  The fear in another man’s eyes, the power of a fist connecting, blood all over the place, yours or theirs. Luckily I never killed anyone, I could of easily, and there are many, many times I could of crossed that line.  

When I was younger, and full of hate I didn’t mind being the Monster. The bad one, the evil one. I relished it, delved in it, became the Monster everyone wanted. Now that I’m older though, and try to be a better person, though as hard as I try to lose the person I once was, when I still look in the mirror, and I still see the Monster staring back at me. Though no matter how much I change for the better, there will be a Monster still lurking around.  

Why am I telling you this, because I came to realize Monsters don’t end up happily ever after.

Monday Not So Hungover

Friday night went out, and got hammered, as per the usual. There’s one bartender there who is really hot, but I always give her a hard time. Like last Halloween, I was drunk, and she was wearing some sort of cop outfit. I told her, “That costume looks stupid.” Well I felt bad, apologized, but I always say it to make fun of her. This Friday she was wearing glasses. I told her, “Your not fooling anyone, those glasses don’t really make you look any smarter.” She was like, “Fuck you River!” We laughed though about it.

Saturday I watched the Cubs/Sox travesty with my buddies, Jackass, and German. I was talking to a girl that I really like, who happens to be a little young. I didn’t know how young until she said, “My mom’s boyfriend who’s 32….” I just was like ok, either her mom really likes younger guys, or her mom is around my age. I felt old.

Saturday night, well #1 is probably pissed, and there might be some upset friends amongst my gathering of friends. I had plans that evening, unfortunately someone planned a party the same day, so I told that person I couldn’t make it. Where was I? None of your business. Sure it’s shady, but my friends are a nosy lot, and they are persistant, they kept calling me to come to the party, which made me laugh. I hate questions, and queries into my personal life. Though I write alot of my life on this blog, there are somethings I do, or go on in my life that are a bit too personal, and sometimes incrimidating. So you won’t hear of it here. Actually alot of the inner goings on do not end up here. My life is really about Smoke and Mirrors, like a magician of sorts my left hand is moving around, while my right is hidden. One friend told me she shared everything with me, it should work both ways. Maybe it should, but I am the type I will stand with you at the Gates of Hell, just don’t ask me where I came from, or how i got there.

Speaking of Hell, Sunday I saw Drag Me to Hell. Excellent movie. I loved Sam Raimi Evil Dead series, and this is a triumphant return to that type of movie, horror, with a little dose of comedy. Great film.