I am the Shadow on the Moonlit night.

“Filling your dreams to the brim with fright”  ~ From the song This is Halloween

Wanted to wish everyone a Happy and Safe Halloween. I love the Holiday. Oh not just because I love Scary Movies, Ghosts, Ghouls, Goblins, and all other things that go bump in the night.  Hope you enjoyed my little tales this halloween, and lets just say they weren’t all 100% truth. Sort of based on true events, then actual.  I’ll let you try to sort out fact from fiction. 🙂

I just have alot of fond memories of this Holiday as a kid. Going trick or treating with friends, roaming the streets of Tinley with Pillow Cases filled with Candy. I remember one year Garfalos the local grocery store back in the day gave out their version of hostess pie one year, you think I won the lottery.

I remember when things changed though, jackoff’s ruining it by tainting candy, putting razor blades in shit. It’s just said when the good ole days leave forever.

Anyway….

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

The Witch’s Hut

Deep in the bowels of a Tinley Park Forest lies a deserted shed like building made from stone. This building has a cornerstone that says 1807 on it. This building lies in the ruins of a cobblestone street covered with grass and weeds. This building has one room with a fireplace in it. It is covered with graffiti such as pentagrams, and other occult symbols, and sayings. The Witch’s Hut is surrounded by fanciful rumors, and fanciful legends of ghosts, and witches that kids are apt to spread.  

When I was a kid I would hang out there with friends, until I was 11. When I was 11 I was hanging out at the Witch’s Hut mucking bout outside. I was looking out the window when in my ear I heard a distinct female voice go, “Chris” and what felt like breath on my ear. I turned around no one was there. I thought it was my friend messing around with me so I went outside. He was flipping stones into the nearby creek. I asked, “Hey what the hell you doing?”  He goes, “What the heck does it look like I’m doing?”  I looked around the Hut, there was nobody else around. I explained what happened to my friend, and he gives me this weird look like I went nuts, He told me he didn’t see anybody around the Hut at all, let alone a girl. I said to my friend let’s get out of here, and do something else.

I never returned to that place since, but sometimes I wonder if it was my imagination running wild or some ghost from beyond. I also wonder if the Hut still stands, or finally been swallowed by time, and the forest.

Forsaken

“Even the Devil can quote scripture to suit his purpose” ~ Shakespeare.

I use to be highly religious to the point of being a bible thumper. In my young age I read the bible devoutly to the point I can still quote, or find scripture very easily. I remember I use to go to a church called Christian Hills, I loved it. Had friends there. Went to Christian Summer Camps.  Sure I was no angel, but I tried to be a good boy. From as long as I can remember, I’ve always heard God had a plan for me.  

“The Enemy of my Enemy is my friend” ~ Sun Tzu – The Art of War.

That all changed, when my family hit hard times, and my parents got a divorce. My life fell out of whack. That which I thought was rock solid, was now gone. My personal life was spinning out of control as well. Was this God’s plan? Was this his doing? It had to be. My hatred for God burned bright. I had to escape the shackles of fate. I tried many things over my life, such as gambling, drugs, violence, but during the early years I tried to learn if there was a way I could escape the bondage of God. I turned to the works of his enemies, whether it was Pagan god, or Lucifer himself.

“Tis better to rule in hell, then to serve in heaven” ~ Milton, Paradise Lost.

In those years I absorbed and read more books on the occult then I care to mention, I walked Library halls, scanned old bookstores, even looked in obscure places like garage sales. Anywhere I could find a book on a topic like witchcraft, or demonology I would buy it, and read it. I started off with Wicca, and Pagan belief systems, they were to carebearish for me. White magic, or magic that only helped. I had too much Hate, and Anger. As my life began taking darker paths, and friends started killing themselves for one reason or another. I wanted to crush the gates of Heaven and make God pay for what he had done.

I turned to his enemy himself. Satan. I began reading books like the Satanic Bible, Book of Shadows, Necronomicon, Egyptian Funeral Magic. I joined things like the Temple of Set. Walked cemeteries masked and robed with covens of worshippers of his Infernal majesty. I have seen and witnessed things that would probably curdle most people’s blood. For a gambling, drug using, drinking person who enjoyed inflicting pain on others, being a Satanist really was just a cherry on the top.

“The only person you can control is yourself” – Zen Buddhist Tenet

Years ago when I was sitting in the Mental Hospital after trying to commit suicide, I had to let go of all the Hate. Hate for God, Hate for myself. I came to realize that whatever my fate is I can not escape it through mystical means, or worldly means. I can not control the universe. I can only control myself.  Do I still hate God? No. Actually I believe no matter who or what we our, we serve his purpose whether it be for good or ill. You can not have good with out evil. I believe that perhaps the Old Testament had it right. I don’t think Satan is the embodiment of evil, I think he is just a tester of man. Sent here to test our meddle. If God is perfect, then his creations are perfect, his plans are perfect, then he must have a plan for all of this, and evil, and bad things MUST be a part of that plan. Whether he allows the Devil to do it, and turns a blind eye to it, or he does it himself.

Am I afraid of hell? No, when it comes time for me to meet my maker I will answer for my crimes against me with my head held high. The bible says to “Prove all things, and hold fast to what is true”  Thessalonians 5:21   I was searching for answers, for escape, for the truth.

Did I find what I was searching for? Yes in a matter of speaking. I found that the answers don’t lie in a musty tome. They lie within myself. Even though I am no longer a worshipper of Satan, and that I feel more at peace with myself and the universe then I ever have in my life, I sometimes feel tainted, damned, or even forsaken for the paths I walked.

I will let you know though, there are dark things in this universe, and they do hunger for your soul.

Sold his Soul

Many Moons ago, I use to hang out at the biggest hive of scum and villiany, the Tinley Park Bowling Alley. Where me and my misfit friends would hang out in the arcade, while our older friends would get us pitchers of beer. I was not yet 21 at this point of my life. There was one friend, who was my arch nemesis, and best friend all the same time. We would do battle on fighting games all the time. Street Fighter 2, or Mortal Kombat being our main ones. We were the best at those games. Our battles were epic.  It spurred my love for video games, and thus ultimately computers. His name was Greg Sans, and that is his real name. I’ll get to why I am using his real name, and breaking my personal code in a bit.  Greg was typical stoner, long hair, and always wore a leather jacket, actually I think he even wore that damn thing in the summer. Some sort of satanic metal band adorned T-shirt, and beat up and ripped jeans, and that was before it was fashionable. Greg drank, and did drugs with the best of them, and back then I was one of the best too.

A couple of weeks went by and I didn’t see Greg, before cell phones really, so I just figured he was getting high somewhere, or partying like a rock star. Then one day Greg walks into the Arcade with his hair cut, wearing a bright colored sweater, and nice pants. My jaw almost hit the floor. I asked, “What the hell happened to you, Greg? You go to jail, and had to clean up for court?”  Greg replied, “No, can I talk to you alone for a second?”  I responded, “Sure”

So we went outside, and he progressed to tell me what happened, ” Listen I have to tell you, I found Jesus. I was with a friend, and we we’re smoking weed, and we had the idea of selling our souls. So we wrote something down, and cut our hands, put blood on it, and burned it. I felt my soul leaving my body, I felt empty, and I was more scared then I ever was. I ran to church the next day. I begged Jesus into my life, and I feel redeemed. The reason I am here is I feel your on the path of darkness like I was, and I don’t want that for you man. Come with me to church.”   I asked him out of curiosity what church, he replied, “Christian Hills”  I laughed so hard, the church of my childhood. When I did love God, and Christ. Now though there was no love, for anything and I told him, “Greg there is no love in my heart for your God, and if you persist on pestering me there will be no love for you.”  He replied back, ” I just don’t want Satan to get your soul man.”  I answered, “Too late for that.”  I walked away.

The reason I mention Greg’s real name. I was always curious as to what happened to him, if he found peace through God. I miss the competitions we had, the rivalry. I never wished him any ill will, it’s just I was in a very dark place in my life then. I sometimes wonder do we have souls to sell? Can we damn ourselves? I do not know, but back then I was determined to find out. Tomorrow I will take you down the paths I walked as I studied the dark arts, and the occult.

Monday Hangover

Back in the saddle again….

So after talking to my doctor Saturday…the infection is gone, and kidneys are normal. He’s a good doctor, so he asked me about my mental health, and he kind of got into my head. He asked me what did I look forward to? My purpose for living?  The thing is, I didn’t have an answer to rattle off. I couldn’t even come up with a lie. That disturbed me so much, I really was upset for most of the day, and I had a party to go to later, and it just really took me out of the mood. I still went to the party and had a great time with my friends, and they really helped me pull me out of my funk. Especially with my friend Jackass dressed as a dog, he looked like that dude in dumb and dumber, and then the cops showed up with their squad, and their taking pictures of him in the squad like he’s a K-9 unit.  After the party we hit the bars, and just drank ourselves silly. Did a little dancing too.

Sunday was the Bears game, even though the Bears suck I still had a good time with my friends.

 Geek Princess showed up, and I finally got my gift. I wan to thank her for putting forth a herculean effort for it, and trying to give it to me several times, even the card was cool and geeky. I’m not saying everyone’s else cards, or gifts meant any less. They are all special to me, and I appreciate them all. It’s just funny how Geek Princess and me share this geekiness, that no one else gets.

It’s just really good to be back in the company of my friends, the people that care for me. Today I wish I could go back to Saturday and tell the doctor, what I have to look forward to is having more good times, and growing old with my friends.

Ok the rest of this week for Halloween we will be delving into some creepy, and spooky topics so prepare yourselves, and those people that write for this blog feel free to post any spooky stories you have, ghost stories, or creepy stories are the best.

“Only Thing That Make My Life Complete…

…Is when I turn your face into a Toliet Seat.”

Every once in a while a crazy person enters our lives and we just have to talk about it. This is one of those times.

Over the last several days we have had a man coming to our drive-thru bank location in the evenings and leaving notes in our night depository box. These notes express anger over the pens that are dropped and left in our drive-thru lanes.

In the notes, he threatens to pee in our night depository box if we do not sweep the drive-thru lanes every night. Yes, you read that right: He is threatening us with urination. The first note was written on the back of a child’s piece of notebook paper where you can see they have been practicing writing in cursive.

The next night we receive a second note stating that we passed inspections, but he will be checking again.

Today when they opened the night depository he had poured water (thank, god it’s only water) into the box, causing everyone’s deposits from overnight to be soaked with water.

WHAT A FREAK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!

I’ve seen video footage of this guy and yeah, he looks off his rocker. Maybe if it was R. Kelly I’d understand his urination motivation.

My Russian Bride

I might have told this story before, but Nascar asked me to tell it so here we go.

In the not so distant past I was laid off, and all I was working as was a bouncer. So I worked like 2 or 3 days a week. The rest of the time I just laid around and enjoyed life. Well the idle mind is the devil’s workshop. So one day I got an email from a Russian girl who wanted to get to know me better. I was bored, though I thought it was odd, I decided what the hell I’ll write her back.

Her name was Sveta, and she did send me some pictures…she was pretty hot. Though as we all know that hot chick could have been a 50 year old fat Russian dude. Well I continued to write her, we corresponded for a month…..

Until I got an email from her proclaiming her love for me, and that she was coming to the States to be with me. Holy fuck no. What the hell was I going to do with a Russian girl roaming around my apartment….my brother would be pissed, plus that would put a damper on my partying for sure. I partied alot those days.

I told her in not so uncertain terms that now wasn’t the best possible time to be together. I think I might have used some harsh language, terms like “no fucking way in hell are you coming here”, and “crazy ass Russian broad” ….I then blocked her email.

She knew what town I lived though, and really if you go to any bar in Tinley ask a bartender, or waitress about River, and they sure as fuck would spill the beans. So I really didn’t know if she was actually coming or not. Just in case I better warn my brother….we were playing video games, Madden at the time, and nonchalantly I go to my brother, “Um if a Russian girl comes here looking for me, tell her I’m not here.”  My brother pauses the game in shock, and  goes, ” Excuse me? What did you just say?”  So I told him about the Russian girl, and my brother just shakes his head, laughs,  and says, “You have issues”

I know this.

The Joy of a Well Placed Molotov Cocktail.

So since I haven’t been getting drunk, I got to write about something else.

I feel bad. I helped set up two of my friends. The German, and the Italian Princess.  The German is one of the nicest guys I know, and I’ve known Italian Princess for some time, and she had a bad string of boyfriends, abusive, pieces of crap, etc..etc.. So I thought Geez, maybe she could use a nice guy in her life.

For a while things were good. recently I found out she broke up with the German, to work things out with her piece of shit ex-boyfriend. Wow…..just wow. The German the nice guy that he is, was still like saying he wished her the best, and so on, and so forth.

Me…I was thinking of what fucking window to throw a Molotov Cocktail through her house. That’s me….I am not a nice guy.

The German told me if I talk to her, to be nice for him. He’s my friend, and I will try to restrain myself….she won’t call me though. She knows me better. She knows that River, won’t let her off easy. I am harsh in my words, and sometimes deeds, for that is how life is. Life does not sugar coat things, and either do I.

Tell you the truth I am not angry at her per se. Life will give her all the comeuppance she needs. She will be battered, and broken woman when she is older, filled with regret, and she will regret not staying with the German.  Sun Tzu the author of the Art of War wrote, “You wait by the River long enough, and you will see the body of your enemy float by.”  I take this to mean that, you do not have to do anything, not even raise one finger to hurt your enemies, for they will get their’s in the end.

As for my friend The German, I could give him some cliche advice but I won’t insult is intelligence. I will tell him this, Life is funny sometimes, and when one door closes, sometimes another door opens. It also reminds me that even though I don’t have alot in my life, I got some great friends like The German, and you know what like the in the movie “Wonderful Life” the angel is right, “No man is poor who has friends”

Here’s the thing that pisses me off, girls say they want nice guys, they claim men are assholes, and here’s a genuine nice guy, and he get dumps on. Pisses me off is putting it mildly. It also reminds me the girls I have been the nicest to, always treated me like shit, and the girls I’m sorta a dick to, always can’t get enough of me. It’s a fucked up world, and the funny thing the nice guys out there turn into assholes cause thats what you women want, and what you women train us to be. We as men, think they want assholes, we’ll become assholes.  It’s a sad state of affairs.

….Oh I promised  I’d be nice to her for the German, shame if she got 4 flat tires…that’s like an act of God, and shit. I can’t control if her tires are accidently sliced by large knife.  😉

Sweetest Day is Tomorrow.

Now I know it’s pretty much a made up day to support the love machine (flowers, cards, candy makers of the world.)

I’ve told stories of being a jerk before to women, but being an idealist, I rather enjoy the idea of romantic love. I have done some special things for the ladies.

1. One girl loved astrology so I actually bought her a star.

2. One girl I bought her 11 red roses, and one pink in the center, and told her on the card, “This is how you stand out in the crowd” .

3. I’ve been known to cook for certain girls, specialty of the house is homemade Pizza, and Chicken Parmigiana.

4. I’ve sucked it up, and taken girls to plays, concerts, art openings, even a poetry reading one time.

Bottomline is yeah it’s a “Hallmark Holiday”, but if you have some special in your life, it’s nice to go out have some fun, and treat them right. You shouldn’t need a holiday, hallmark or otherwise to do that, but it’s nice to set aside a day just to stop the hustle, and bustle of life, and just enjoy each other.

If you don’t have a special someone, treat yourself, cause if you don’t love yourself….then how can you expect anyone else to love you…

Also shop FTD….I still got alot of friends there. I like to see them stay employed. LOL!

Monday Sobriety

God, this is the best I’m going to  feel all day. Being Sober kind of sucks, though I did catch up on some much needed rest and relaxation. I feel like I miss out on the action. It’s not so much the drinking, though that’s an added bonus.

Then again I did alot of thinking this weekend. What exactly did I miss, if I didn’t go out?  A Large bar tab, and the same ole crap. Do I want to continue wasting my money at the bars? Wasting my time on girls that don’t want something permenent with me. I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life. My job is changing, I got a new car (well new to me), I am making other changes (such as fixing my credit)  I am considering getting a gastric bypass as well. 

That’s why I drink, sometimes I think too much, and it silences all those thoughts in my head.